


Not What She Expected

by Slittherwolfe



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Night Terrors, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Please Kill Me, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SNOKES A LIL BITCCHHHHH, Sexy Times, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Tropes, Unplanned Pregnancy, duh - Freeform, im sorry, mmm yea, wow this got dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-02-11 00:27:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 48,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12923385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slittherwolfe/pseuds/Slittherwolfe
Summary: She had waited impatiently for five minutes. Rey had paced for what seemed like a thousand times waiting for those godforsaken lines to show up on that little stick. Her eyes flashed towards it again, and she could just about make out the faint hint of red on them. She leapt towards them, hands outstretched. It fell from the edge of the sink, landing facedown. With trembling hands she reached down for it.She flipped it over.“Shit.”. . .Otherwise known as: Rey Kenobi Makes a Mistake... And Ben Solo Helped





	1. Chapter 1

She stood in line impatiently, a faint blush spreading on her cheeks. She tucked the small rectangular box underneath her arm, making sure that no one could see what was written on the packaging. Rey cursed herself inwardly and thought back to how she had gotten here in the first place…

 

* * *

 

 

_He was tall. That was the first thing she had noticed. She could only see the back of his head, not-quite-shoulder-length, inky black hair tumbling down. Emboldened by alcohol, she approached him. A tap on the shoulder._

_He turned around, full lips partly opened in surprise. He blinked once and his eyelashes- enviously long, Rey noticed- brushed against the tops of his cheekbones._  
_  
_ _He wasn’t traditionally handsome, not like Rey’s usual type, but there was something about his face that seemed to draw her in. Maybe it was his eyes, she thought, deep-set, hooded and topped by thick brows. Or his nose, which would have looked slightly too large on any other man’s face but seemed to sit just right on his. Whatever it was, Rey wanted him, for tonight at least._

* * *

 

 

The line moved forward, and the little old lady behind her shoved her with a dirty ‘humph’, startling Rey out of her mortifying flashback. She turned around and the grey-haired witch shot her a scathing look. Rey looked down and shuffled up the line two steps, trying not to scream.

 

* * *

 

_“Hello, handsome,” she purred, circling a finger around the rim of her glass. The man frowned down at her, pursing his lips. Rey laughed, a low sultry sound that, even inebriated, she knew had affected him. No man could resist a laugh like that, not even one who appeared like such a monumental (no pun intended) challenge. “I saw you from across the room. Just wanted to say hi, I suppose…” Her voice trailed off, seemingly seductive, although, in reality, Rey just didn’t know what else to say to a man she had just met. And was currently trying to jump._

* * *

Rey slammed the box onto the counter with unnecessary force, startling the acne-plagued teenage boy stationed behind it. Her face must have been fixed into a determined scowl, because he gulped nervously and quickly scanned the item, not even bothering to look down at what she was buying. Thank god, because Rey didn’t think she could handle her own mortification, yet alone that of a pubescent boy who probably hadn’t even touched a girl yet.

“That’ll be twenty ninety-nine,” he squeaked in a breaking voice. Rey scrounged around in her purse, finding a twenty in her wallet and a crumpled-up five dollar bill in the side zip. She could hear the demon grandmother behind her tutting in disapproval and impatience. Rey snatched up the box before the boy could put it into a bag, and marched off before he could return her change. She had more important things to do right now.

  

* * *

 

 

_His laugh was infectious. Strong and deep and oh-so-very attractive. She was glad for the table between them; if it weren’t in the way, there would be nothing to stop her intoxicated ass from jumping him right then and there. She had bought him three drinks, the first one taken reluctantly. The second, with a little less hesitation. He took the third without question. His eyes never left hers as he took a drag of it. She shivered as his Adam’s apple bobbed, and felt a ripple of desire course through her abdomen. Slickness formed at her core, and she squeezed her thighs together in an attempt to curtail the dull throbbing that had begun to appear. He noticed, of course. Rey thought that he had the kind of eyes that didn’t miss anything. They narrowed a fraction, and then they flickered up to meet hers. His heated gaze burned right through her. He stood up, a silent invitation that she accepted readily._

* * *

 

 

The drive back home was torturous. The bathrooms at the pharmacy had been out of order, and Rey wasn’t going to fall so far as to find out if she were pregnant in a tiny coffee shop bathroom. Her fingers drummed an impatient pattern on the steering wheel, matching the flurried rhythm of her heartbeat. Rey’s stomach did somersaults in her belly, threatening to have her throw up all over the inside of her car.

“Oh my god, I’m fucking dead,” Rey wailed pitifully to herself. “I can’t be a mother, I kill fake cacti!”

The traffic light ahead of her turned red and Rey almost screamed. Her head dropped onto the steering wheel, accidentally causing a beep. She jerked up and waved apologetically to the car in front, face contorted into a painful smile that surely belied her inner turmoil. She swore she could see the driver flip her off.

 

* * *

 

 

_They were in her room. She led him in, hands brushing along the walls so that she could feel her way to the bed. Her blood rushed around her veins in arousal and her heart pounded with the beat of so many before her. She could just make out the bulge of his erection in the darkness. It strained impressively through his dress pants. She was taken aback momentarily by its size, but given the height of her soon-to-be bed partner, she shouldn’t have been surprised. She would have been disappointed if he were any smaller._

_Rey kicked off her stilettos urgently as he backed her up against the wall, ensnaring her in the cage of his arms. She ran her hands along them, faintly feeling the cords of sinewy muscle underneath all those layers of fabric._

_“You have too much on,” she muttered drunkenly. She reached the collar of his suit jacket and yanked harshly, desperate for the layers between them to disappear. He nuzzled her neck as she divested him of his jacket, his tongue drawing languid, wet circles on her jugular. She shivered a little, lowering her head so that she moaned into his soft curls. The jacket finally dropped to the ground, and her hands reached up to bury themselves in his hair, dragging him upwards to her lips. His mouth slanted over hers, needing this as much as she did. His tongue slid out and dragged along her bottom lip, drawing a whimper from Rey’s mouth. He swallowed the noise, and took the moment as an opportunity to fully invade her mouth. His tongue slid over hers, alternating between short strokes and long, artfully skimming along, drawing out moans and cries of desire. Rey’s mind almost turned to mush._

_He pulled away, staring at her with lust-glazed eyes. “Kylo,” he rasped. “My name, I mean. Kylo.”_

_Rey nodded. Kylo. She liked it. Strong, simple, utterly masculine. Even the way he said it made her wet- well, wetter than she was before._

_“Rey,” she replied. “_ My _name.” She smiled slightly, a wry turn of the corners of her mouth. He grinned back, flashing brilliantly white teeth at her. They stood like that for a moment, just staring at each other. His arms slid down to her waist, loose and relaxed. Her arms, anchored around his neck, idled for a bit. Then he started moving again, hands racing upwards to reach the zipper of her dress._

 

* * *

 

 

“Goddammit!” Rey swore as she dropped the keys to her apartment for the fifth time. Her shaking hands still hadn’t been able to unlock her door, her keys jumping out of her grasp every time she made a move to put them in the keyhole. She snatched them up from the ground, cursing under her breath all the while. She finally managed to slot it in, and she burst into her apartment. Rey threw down her bag and those godforsaken keys, and stormed to the bathroom.

She stormed back not a minute later, realizing that she had left the pregnancy test in her bag.

 

* * *

 

 

_Kylo slid into her from behind, painfully slow. She whined, begging him silently to take her hard and fast. Her hands grasped the iron headboard of the bed, knuckles white with the pressure of her grip._

_“God, you’re so tight,” Kylo groaned as he buried himself in her to the hilt. She felt his balls slap against her clit, and a fresh wave of pleasure rocked through her. She strained backwards, trying to get her to move. His hands held her in place, strong enough to prevent her from rocking back against him yet gentle enough for her to know that they would not leave bruises. A primitive part of her mind kind of wanted him to brand her, to mark her as his._

_“Please,” she pleaded him, her voice breathy._

_Kylo began to move, small, short thrusts at first. Rey felt so wonderfully stretched around his girth, and she could feel the tip of him knocking against the top of her core. He pulled out almost all the way, causing Rey to cry out at the loss of him from her body. Then he slammed into her, hard and fast, sheathing himself completely in one swift stroke. The impact jolted Rey closer to the edge of bliss. He withdrew again, pounded in again. Again and again and again until it seemed that Rey couldn’t take any more. She fell, her body shuddering, inner muscles pulsing around his hard length until it felt as though she had shattered into a thousand pieces. Over the rush of her release, she could hear him cry out as he climaxed. He pounded into her rapidly, his length growing as he found his release in her. He pulled out, panting almost as hard as Rey was. A sob escaped her lips as she collapsed face-first onto the bed. She could hardly think._

_Kylo pulled her against his chest, arms wrapping around her sweat-covered torso. She shrunk into him, shutting her eyes tightly._

_They both fell asleep in a matter of minutes._

  

* * *

 

 

She had waited impatiently for five minutes. Rey had paced for what seemed like a thousand times waiting for those godforsaken lines to show up on that little stick. Her eyes flashed towards it again, and she could just about make out the faint hint of red on them. She leapt towards them, hands outstretched. It fell from the edge of the sink, landing facedown. With trembling hands she reached down for it.

She flipped it over.

“Shit.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, second chapter done! Frankly, I'm amazed at how much support I've gotten with the last chapter- over 300 hits in just a day!  
> This two-day gap between updates will probably become a rarity, as my schedule can get quite a bit hectic, but I'll try and post as soon as I can.  
> Again, thanks for the support, don't forget to kudos and comment. Roast me good, readers, I welcome the (constructive) criticism  
> I AM AWARE THAT FLUFF IS NOT MY FORTE BUT I AM TRYING anyway enjoy :)
> 
> Another note: If anyone is willing to become a beta reader, hit me up and let me know, I need all the help I can get :)

She had taken two more after the first one. They’d all read the same: double lines.

Pregnant.

As in, a baby.

As in, Rey had royally fucked up.

She should have expected it, really. Her life seemed to be one great big cosmic joke that everyone but she was in on, much to her disdain. Her life had been one fuck-up after the next, beginning at the tender age of five, when her mother had left her at some back-road truckstop and never came back. She had been juggled back and forth between countless foster homes and parents, each and every one finally giving up on her after a couple of months after it was evident that she wouldn't become the perfect little daughter they had been hoping for.

High school had been a mess, a whirlwind of partying, alcohol and bad decisions, all driven way past the line by her out-of-control teenage hormones. She thanked God every day that she outgrew that stage of her life.

Then came college, with boyfriend after useless boyfriend. She used them for her own pleasure, just as they used her, and they parted their separate ways after one of them decided that they wanted other people. So she found another, and then another, and then another. She nearly dropped out more than five times, only being coerced into staying by her only friend, Finn. He was perhaps the only one she had ever cared about. They had met on the first day of her freshman year. He had just transferred from some community college down in New Orleans, all bright-eyed and eager to learn about the absolute wonders of engineering. He had dropped into the seat next to her, wielding a cup of coffee, and that had been the start of their friendship.

Now, Finn and his boyfriend, Poe, were bickering away in the kitchen, arguing over whatever domestic subjects that Rey was yet to become privy to. She reached for her glass- filled with orange juice instead of wine- and took a long sip. The tangy-sweet taste of it almost managed to wash away the taste of worry lingering at the back of her mouth. Almost. Her mind swirled with thoughts, good and bad, but mostly bad. What was she supposed to do with a baby? She could barely even look after herself, scraping by on three minimum wage jobs as she waited for better prospects to come in. Which they hadn’t been, not for a very long time.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Finn’s clear voice snapped her out of her reverie. Her head jerked up, hazel eyes meeting his deep brown ones. He arched a brow at the glass in her hand. “No wine?” he questioned as he settled into the couch beside her. He plucked the glass from her hand and set it on the upturned crate in front of them that Poe claimed was a coffee table.

He turned back to look at her. “Spill the beans, sweetheart,” he demanded. Rey felt her face flush as she scrambled for a non-existent answer. “Wha- no-nothing’s going on,” she spluttered. She managed to compose herself for a second, clearing her throat before repeating, “Nothing’s going on.” She shot him a bright-toothed smile, but he only frowned. Sometimes she swore that he could read her mind.

Rey was saved by the appearance of her friend’s- and now her interrogator’s- boyfriend of almost a year, Poe Dameron. He sidled up next to Finn, dragging him away from her, much to Rey’s relief. She forced her face into a relaxed, care-free smile, hoping to dissuade them by pretending that everything was alright. Rey grabbed her orange juice again, downing it in one go as if it were a shot, and settled the now-empty glass in her lap, fiddling with its stem. She could feel their eyes on her. It was unsettling, really, the two of them just cuddled up and boring their eyes into her as if she were their favourite television programme. The only sound in the apartment, besides the guilty hitching of her breath, was the constant ticking of the clock on the far side of the room, as well as the pot in the kitchen bubbling away.

"Okay," she snapped, finally breaking after what seemed like an eternity of slightly judgemental silence. "You got me." She whipped around to face them with a ferocious scowl on her face. it didn't have the desired effect on them, however. They were grinning smugly at their victory, hands entwined and shooting each other knowing glances every few seconds. Rey struggled to come up with the words. Her brain had seemingly sensed the impending danger and decided to skip town for a couple of days.

"I... met a guy," she began, finally settling on a good place- or what she thought was one, anyway- to start.

Poe scoffed. "We knew that, sweetheart," he said with a dismissive wave of his arm. "Anyone could tell it has something to do with a guy. So, out with it, how was he?"

"Tall?" Finn suggested, waggling his eyebrows lewdly. His brilliantly white teeth were on full display as he dazzled Rey with his biggest smile. She couldn't help but laugh a little, barely an exhale through the nose, at him. "Dark, handsome?" he needled on. "Give me something, Rey, or I swear I'm going to die of boredom."

"All of the above," she mumbled, cheeks reddening at the thought of him.

 _Kylo_ , that annoying little voice in the back of her head reminded. _His name was Kylo, and you liked him_.

Poe sighed. “Oh, to be young and in love,” he mused dramatically, hand fanning his face. Finn chuckled and shoved him gently. “You’re only thirty-two, dumbass,” he chided his boyfriend, who in response nuzzled into his neck, causing little snorts of laughter to spill out of Finn’s mouth. Rey couldn’t help but smile for her friend. If anyone deserved to be happy, it was him.

Poe emerged from the crook of Finn’s neck, turning his attention back around to Rey. “Anyway, your tall, dark, handsome stranger,” he said in a firm voice. “We need the deets, woman. Spill it.”

Rey flinched. Took a deep breath. Shot them a lopsided smile.

* * *

 

“Dr. Solo.” Ben looked up blearily, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. His assistant, an Amazonian blonde with an icy glare that just dared him to mess with her, was looming above him, a thick manila file tucked underneath her arm.

“New patient for you, Doctor,” she informed him curtly before dropping the folder onto his desk. It landed with a heavy, resonant thud. She turned on her heel, briskly marching out through the door now that her job was done.

Ben sighed. He couldn’t remember a time before all of this. Drowning in paperwork, his back breaking under the pressures of the Chief Physician, Silas Snoke. His job as the Head of the Neurosurgery for First Order Hospital paid well, there was no doubt about that, but he sometimes questioned if it was really worth it. None of his other colleagues, regardless of department, were put under as much pressure from Snoke as he was. Ben was expected to complete folder after folder of paperwork without complaint, cramming tiny notes into the margins of the papers, recommending the best treatment for a specific ailment, sitting by at his desk as others did his job for him. His hands itched to grab a scalpel. It had been too long since he was actually in the operating room, saving lives one slice at a time. It was so much more satisfying than… this.

He leaned back in his plush leather chair, stretching his arms up to the ceiling. He grunted as the bones in his spine cracked, sweet, blissful relief after hours of just sitting hunched over in a chair. He twisted around, further stretching out his back, the loud pops of his bones ringing in the empty room. 

Ben closed his eyes, raising his long, steady fingers to his temples, trying to knead out the pain. His deft circles drew out most of it, reducing the skull-splitting agony into a more manageable thudding in the back of his head. He stayed like that for a few minutes, blocking out the rest of the world

He didn't remember a time in the past ten years where he felt so at peace, just him alone with the silence.

_Except..._

Familiar images flickered into his mind, memories from that night not a month ago. 

It was the gala dinner, held at some fancy hotel he couldn't remember the name of. She- Rey- had approached him, clearly drunk and clearly beautiful. Her eyes had sparkled with mischief, true and genuine, not like the others who only looked at him that way for the money that came with him. 

Her voice had been low an sultry, slurred slightly by alcohol, the evidence of it still clutched in her hand in the form of a half-drunken cocktail of some sorts. 

 _"Hello, handsome,_ " she had said, slightly breathless. She had traced a slim finger around her glass, tongue poking out of her mouth a fraction of an inch, whether as an attempt at seduction or as an involuntary action. He nearly laughed, but was able to keep it in.

She had danced her hand up his chest, stopping just at his collar.  _"Let me buy you a drink._ _"_

He'd been dragged to her room next, not that he'd minded, and he'd fucked and been fucked within an inch of his life in there.

Ben shuddered at the memory, feeling himself go hard. He sighed, returning his attention back to the paperwork in front of him. If there was anything in the world that could kill a hard-on, it was that.

* * *

 

  
Finn could have won a world record for furthest wine-spurt, Rey thought. He had choked on his mouthful at first, then promptly proceeded to spray it all over a two-metre radius, much to Poe's horror. His eyes bugged out of his head, jaw slack, with a little trickle of reddish-purple coming down from the corner of his mouth.

"Shut the fuck up," he coughed. His eyes were still watery from his choking episode, so it was kind of hard to tell whether he was mad, sad or none of the above.

Rey shrugged nonchalantly, though on the inside she felt as though a war were raging. "It's just how it is," she muttered, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Mistakes are made, I guess."

"Mistakes?" Finn's voice had risen up about five octaves, high enough to rival Mariah Carey's whistle tones. "Getting the wrong size batteries is a _mistake_! Accidentally spelling a word wrong is a _mistake_! But a baby? God, Rey, _how the hell is that a mistake?_ I mean, another human being is no small thing, Rey, honestly. Oh. My. God. You're going to die."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," she replied dryly. She looked at Poe, pleading for some kind of support from him, but he simply shook his head, eyes widened in that  _'He'll kill me if I help you'_ kind of look, and backed away into the kitchen. Rey huffed.

"I'm going to have to set up everything for you, aren't I?" Finn demanded, eyebrows raised so high that they almost disappeared into his hairline. "And I have to go with you, and make sure you take all your pre-natals, and force you to go to those classes all those suburban moms on TV are always talking about, am I right? _Am I?_ "

Rey almost burst into tears. In his own extremely condescending way, Finn cared. More than anyone else, more than even herself. She bit back a sob and shook her head. "I've already booked an appointment," she said shakily, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. "Tomorrow. You can come with me, if you want. And Poe."

Finn pulled her into a tight hug, taking care not to crush her stomach. "I'll always be there for you," he sighs into her shoulder. "You're my best friend, no matter how annoying you get."  
  
She rolled her eyes behind his back. "I know."

* * *

 

Meanwhile, in the darkest corner of the kitchen, Poe Dameron has his hand under his chin pensively, squinting at Rey.

He had a feeling about this...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some calm before the storm...  
> Three guesses to who she meets at the hospital, eh, eh ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> Sorry  
> ANYway, hope you enjoyed, see you on chapter three!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH LAWDY  
> GUYS!!! HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED??!?!?! I'm bloody ecstatic about the reception of this fic, especially since it's my first official fic! Every comment, kudos hit, bookmark, sub, etc. really brightens my day and motivates me to do more for you all.
> 
> As stated before, please feel free to leave any constructive criticism, general opinions or just whatever. All comments are welcome!! 
> 
> And I'm still searching for a willing beta reader, so if anyone has the time, please hit me up!!

It had been nearly half an hour since Rey and Finn arrived at hospital, a half hour that scarred Rey for life. 

She had seen no less than five mothers being drooled, vomited or shat on- one woman was unlucky enough for all three to be happening at once, much to Rey's amazement. Another girl, probably no more than sixteen years old, was sobbing hysterically in her chair while her father was trying to calm her down, to no avail. It was a chaotic whirlwind of activity that she hadn't expected from a roomful of pregnant women and miserable-looking mothers. 

Rey clutched Finn's hand harder, suddenly feeling slightly nauseous. She blamed it on the baby but she knew that it was more than that. Seeing the type of hell she was in for for the next eighteen years, give or take, sent icy waves of horror thrilling down her body. She sunk down in the uncomfortable plastic chair, squeezing her eyes shut. 

"I'm so not ready for this, Finn," she whispered desolately. "I can look into adoption or abortion or something, I don't know, but I can't raise a bloody kid." She shook her head violently, trying to shake away the tears beginning to well up underneath her eyelids.

Finn sighed softly. He rubbed her shoulder comfortingly and drew her into a rather awkward side hug. Rey's head rested on his chest and she could hear his heartbeat, strong and steady. It calmed her slightly, but only enough to quell a fraction of her unease. 

"You're going to be absolutely fine, Rey. You'll know what to do," he murmured. "You're one of the most headstrong, tenacious and brilliant people I've had the displeasure to meet, believe me."

Rey's eyes opened into narrow slits. " 'One of' ?" she asked, a quick smile of amusement quirking on her mouth. 

"I'm sorry, but have you met my boyfriend, Poe Dameron?" he snarked back. A huff of laughter escaped through Rey's nose, alleviating the grim mood that had settled over them. She sat back up, wiping away the wetness at her eyes with the cuff of her ratty sweater. She squeezed Finn's hand softly, throwing him a soft, watery look of thanks. 

She blinked in rapid succession, scolding herself for getting so emotional. She didn't ever think that anything could crack the impenetrable shell of her emotions. 

"This goddamned baby, I swear," she laughed, placing a hand on her abdomen. "Making me all soft, eh? Who would have thought? I always thought that I'd just die alone or something, you know? Not like you, Mr. Happily-Taken-And-Loving-It." Rey grinned tightly at her friend, who smiled back at her in turn.

It wasn't as if Rey wanted to die alone, surrounded by a thousand cats. She just presumed that she would end up as that odd, eccentric cat lady at the end of the street who collected weird glass figurines and gave the neighbourhood kids lint-covered toffees she found deep in her pockets. Maybe she could even be the drunk aunt to Finn's and Poe's kids when the time came. No one had really stayed around long enough to create even the idea of a permanent future. She couldn't ever imagine one of her douchebag ex-boyfriends ever sticking around long enough to build up a life with. But babies... oh boy. What could be more permanent than a baby? She'd have to feed it and send it to school, watch as it grew up and got married and have kids of their own... Rey just wasn't prepared for a future that was so set in stone. 

 Rey realised that her hands had wrapped themselves around her belly- her baby- and quickly snapped them straight, clutching the hard edges of the chair. She cleared her throat awkwardly. 

"I think I need a little walk," she heard herself saying as if through a fog. "Clear my head up and all..."

Finn said something unintelligible as she stood up. She practically ran out of the waiting room, into the sterile-smelling corridor. 

A wave of panic shook through her. Her footsteps quickened, flats slapping loudly against the pristine linoleum floor. Her eyes scanned the walls for a maintenance closet or a bathroom to lock herself into for a few minutes, just somewhere quiet and dark she could lay low in for a few minutes.

Off to her left she saw a door marked 'Supply Closet'. She glanced around, making sure that there was no one in the corridor to see her slip into it. 

The door shut behind her with a quiet snick. Darkness engulfed her. Rey's hands clambered around, feeling her surroundings. She found a cleared area of wall that she promptly slid down, bringing her knees up to her chin and burying her head between them. Her breathing slowed, coming in shaky, drawn out inhales instead of its previous airy gasps.

It had been almost two years since her last panic attack and she thought she had gotten rid of them for good, but her brain apparently had other ideas. The baby, she decided, was the source of all her recent grievances. It didn't want her as much as she didn't want it.

It. It felt to call it that. As if she were trying not to get attached to it by pretending it weren't actually something currently growing away in her womb. 

 _I don't care about this thing_ , Rey thought vehemently. _I_ _wouldn't be able to do shit for it!_

 Rey groaned in frustration. Her life was falling to crap, and she felt as though she couldn't do anything about it.

The door pushed open. Rey whipped her head out just in time to see a towering silhouette entering, swivelling to flip on the lights.

"Don't turn them on!" she cried out desperately. Her heart had started leaping in double time again, apparently trying to escape her ribcage. That familiar feeling of hopelessness swept over her once again and she let out a low wail.

The imposing doctor twisted around, the door falling shut behind him before Rey could see his face. She sniffled once. "Just... leave them off for a few minutes, won't you?"

A pregnant silence filled the room. 

"Okay," the doctor said tersely. His voice sounded vaguely familiar, though Rey couldn't seem to place it. "But I still have to get a few things. That's why I came here in the first place, after all. Because I have a job to do. My job."

Rey winced at the unintentional jab at her current unemployed state. 

"So don't mind me," he breezed on, now running his hands along what Rey presumed was the shelves housing the medical supplies. "Just... sulk ahead, if you like. I won't bother you."

"Thanks, I guess," Rey grumbled. 

Another awkward silence.

Then the doctor asked, "You wanna talk about it?"

Rey hesitated. He was a complete stranger after all, who had just barged into the supply closet she was temporarily inhabiting. Rather rudely, she might add. But he was also a doctor, and it was her who had imposed upon his space, this being a medical supply closet in a hospital and all. 

"Sure," she said.

Pause. The sound of clattering glass bottles and the faint sloshing of liquid. "You know, you have to talk for me to be able to reply, right?" the doctor said.

Rey rolled her eyes at his snarkiness. "Don't know what to talk about," she said.

The doctor sighed. "What's your name, then? That's a good place to start, I hear, especially if you want to introduce yourself to someone," he suggested wryly. "For example, my name is Ben. Ben Solo. I'm a doctor here, as you could probably tell by my being here."

"I'm not a doctor," Rey pointed out. "But I'm still in here, aren't I?"

"Good point, ma'am."

She almost laughed. There was something about this doctor that soothed her. Or maybe she just needed to talk to someone. Yes, that was probably it.

"I'm pregnant," she stated, so calmly matter-of-fact that she even shocked herself. She had to congratulate Dr. Solo on his nonchalant way of accepting this out-of-the-blue statement as well. "A one night stand gone wrong. Can you imagine? I was on birth control and everything, and we used condoms. But I think that life's just obsessed with screwing me over at every chance it gets." Rey laughed bitterly. "If you knew me, you'd laugh at the idea of me being a mother, let me tell you."

Dr. Solo was standing very still, Rey noticed. She didn't even think he was breathing. "I don't know what to do about this thing, honestly," she continued. "It's a baby, for God's sake! I'm not made for babies!"

"Well, from a strictly evolutionary standpoint, you kind of are. All humans are. Survival of the species and all," Dr. Solo deadpanned. Rey chuckled a little at his strange sense of humour. "And I'm sure you'll do just well, whatever path you decide to choose, mystery madame of the supply closet."

He opened the door and slipped out through the tiny crack he had made. 

Rey just sat there, silent and slightly stunned. 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben had done many strange things before, but talking to pregnant ladies having breakdowns in hospital supply closets was not one of them. He hadn't even seen her face or gotten her name, didn't even have any semblance of knowledge of her, but she had seemed familiar. Maybe he knew her in college or something. 

He turned into his office, where Phasma was setting more files on his desk, already overflowing with papers. Ben sighed. 

"Phasma, would it be possible for you to just... lose some on the way over next time?" he asked his begrudging assistant hopefully. She shot him down with an acidic stare that clearly said 'no'. 

"Right." Ben nodded and sent Phasma off with a tight-lipped smile. He walked around his desk, now just a mountain of paper, and collapsed in his chair. He set the bottle clutched in his hand down onto his right, exhaling deeply. 

He glanced over the label covering it.  Phenylpropanolamine HCI, it read. Ben sighed. Of course he'd picked up the wrong bottle. He'd been too distracted in the closet.

"Well, unless I have a cold I don't know about, this won't do anything for me," he muttered into the empty room. He stretched over to grab it and slunk out of his chair, crossing to the door in just three long strides. 

Phasma was tapping away at her computer, no doubt sending out messages complaining about her asshole of a boss. Ben gave her a quick nod as he walked past her, barely registering the foul scowl on her face she threw at him in response. 

Halfway down the corridor, he saw the woman slipping out of the closet. Her face was covered by a curtain of glossy brown hair and she whipped her head around too quickly to give Ben a good look at it. His strides quickened as she hurried away

He was about to yell after her when an old orderly wheeled out of one of the side rooms, giving him a sharp glance for running in the corridors, as if he were still a schoolboy. He apologised to her, practically bowing down to her feet. By the time he had raised his head again, the woman had just turned the corner with an oddly familiar swing of her hips.

Instead of running after her, he simply returned the bottle to the closet, picked up the correct one and slunk all the way back to his office, feeling inexplicably hollow.

 

* * *

 

"Are you alright?" Finn asked her when she returned. There was concern in his eyes, as if she had been gone for three hours instead of ten minutes. Rey nodded back at him and took her seat, which was mercifully still empty. 

"Just had to take a breather, you know?" she said, collapsing down into the seat. "It's a little bit too constricted in here. Too many wailing babies and broken down women." She attempted to laugh but it came out as a pathetic rush of whistling air. 

Rey thought back to the supply closet doctor- Dr. Ben Solo. She couldn't place him, and it irritated her to no end. She almost regretted asking him to keep the lights turned off, but then instantly amended this thought, convincing herself that she would much prefer the comfort and calm of the dark instead of allowing the light to scrutinise her, as well as Dr. Solo. 

But did she really?

Rey shook her head; this wasn't a time for pointless pondering over men she would never meet again. 

She watched the clock tick for a minute. The hands seemed to move impossibly slow, deliberately torturing Rey into insanity.

Just as the big hand reached the number seven, the door opened and a ginger man with pursed lips poked his head out of the door. He glanced around, as if searching for some kind of invisible enemy, and then proceeded to open the door for a titanic woman who was waddling out like a penguin. 

"Rey Kenobi next, if you please," he drawled lazily. 

Rey and Finn stood up, Finn muttering grumpily under his breath, "Well, finally." 

They stepped past the red-haired man and into his creepily sterile office. The doctor rounded to the metal table by the window and picked up some latex gloves.

"My name is Dr. Hux," he informed them with an unnatural smile. The latex of his glove cracked against his skin as he released it, an unsettling grin on his face. "And I shall be your doctor today."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY FINALLY MET AGAIN although, admittedly, they didn't know.
> 
> I apologise for any grievances caused by this, but I PROMISE THERE WILL BE SOME NON-DARKNESS FACE TO FACE REYLO INTERACTION IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!
> 
> As said above, pls comment, blah blah, yaddah yaddah.
> 
> Till next time!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE HAVE HIT 100 KUDO!!!!  
> THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO LEFT A KUDOS, i will stop screaming now but OMG thank you all so much! I didn't know how well this fic would do, seeing as though it's my first, but the support has been more than I had ever anticipated. So, this chapter is a smidge longer than it usually is. Please comment whether you would prefer longer chapters as well, because I'm considering doing so :)

Rey could only watch on in confusion as Dr. Hux slid the gel-covered probe around her flat abdomen. He made odd noises every once in a while, examining the grainy black-and-white picture on the monitor with ardent interest. Rey glanced to look at Finn, who was sat far on her left side. She raised an eyebrow, glancing down at Dr. Hux as if to ask ' _What does he mean?'_   Finn could only shrug his shoulders, apparently as lost as Rey was.

She cleared her throat delicately. Dr Hux looked up, weaselly eyes gleaming up at her.

“Is everything alright?” she asked him nervously. “I mean, I’m really pregnant, am I not?” Her heart thudded in anticipation, for what, she didn’t know. Maybe for news that she had just imagined it and that the tests were faulty. Rey vaguely recalled an article online claiming that at-home pregnancy tests weren’t as reliable as you’d like to think. Yes, yes, that was it; all of this was some sort of unlucky fluke constructed by some asshole deity. That’s why he was ‘hmming’ and ‘ahhing’ so much, because there was nothing there. Rey couldn’t blame him for doing so.

Dr. Hux smiled a smile that Rey suspected was supposed to be a friendly, reassuring one, but looked more like he had just swallowed a pint of lemon juice. “Oh, no there’s no doubt about it, Miss. Kenobi,” he said, hints of sick amusement in his voice. “You’re expecting. Congratulations are in order.”

Rey blinked slowly. A high-pitched whistling sound was being emitted through her nose, as if she were trying to hold back a scream.

The doctor’s face finally pulled into an expression that didn’t belong to a robot. His pale, almost invisible brows furrowed together in concern for his patient and his lips unpursed for a second. “Miss, are you alright?” he asked her softly, tapping Rey’s shoulder hesitantly. He had probably never seen a patient react this way. Most of them, Rey thought, must have broken down in tears, whether of happiness or of despair. She was probably the first one to start emulating a nasally howler monkey.

“Oh my god,” Rey whispered in a strangled voice, putting an arm over her eyes.

It hadn’t seemed so certain until now. When the morning sickness came about five weeks after ‘The Incident’, she blamed bad fish or a stomach bug. When she had missed her period she simply blamed it on the stress of trying to find a job. Even when she had taken the tests and they had come back positive, a lingering shred of hope still held on in the back of her mind, trying to convince her that all of her symptoms were simply coincidences. There was no rational explanation, at least to Rey, that pointed to her being pregnant at all!

Rey groaned loudly in frustration. “We were safe!” she wailed. “I'm on the pill, we used a condom, for god’s sake! How the hell could this happen?”

“Well, it’s extremely rare, but it’s not exactly impossible,” Dr. Hux piped up condescendingly, as if she were a fifth grader learning about sex-ed for the first time. “These methods aren’t exactly foolproof, you see, so there’s a margin- a very small one, mind you- of…” His voice trailed off as Rey glared at him from beneath her arm. He pressed his lips together once again.

“Right,” he said with a cough. “So, I think we should show you the foetus now.” He placed the probe back on her stomach. The cold caused her to hiss in discomfort and she wriggled around a bit. The monitor came to life again, currents of grainy grey, black and white sliding along as Dr. Hux moved the probe. A large, dark splotch appeared on the screen. Rey could vaguely make out an alien-looking thing within it. She frowned.

“It’s uglier than I expected,” she remarked. Finn choked back a brief laugh. Rey glanced over at her friend, who smiled back encouragingly at her. “I mean, everyone says they’re supposed to be cute, right?”

Dr. Hux just frowned.

 

* * *

 

 After the appointment, Rey and Finn headed to the hospital cafeteria. Rey hadn't eaten since last night, one of the unfortunate side-effects- of which there were plenty- of her pregnancy. Finn got himself a coffee, which Rey had stared at enviously until she thought her eyes would burn right through them, much to Finn's amusement. He also got a sad-looking chicken sandwich and a bottle of orange juice. 

"What am I, five?" she asked him when he set her paltry meal in front of her. "Gimme some of the good stuff, please."

Finn drew his coffee cup closer to him and snapped, "No. It's bad for the baby." He took a long drag, practically moaning just to tease her. Rey ripped open the package of her sandwich grumpily and then bit into it with enough force that her teeth made an audible 'clack' when they crashed together. 

"Pregnant women can still drink coffee," she pointed out desperately through a mouthful of food, which, surprisingly, wasn't as bad as she had expected it to be. 

"Yeah, but they can't drink  _my_ coffee," he rebuked solemnly, with only the faintest glint of mischief in his deep brown eyes. Rey couldn't help but grin at her friend's insolence. She cracked open the orange juice and took a long swig, resorting to letting the sugar fuel her instead of her much-needed caffeine. She didn't know how long she could last nine months with little to no coffee. Rey shuddered at the thought. 

They sat in amiable silence for a few more minutes, Finn sipping calmly and Rey nibbling at the edges of her sandwich, still worried that she might start throwing up again even though it was well past noon. 

She sighed.

He sighed.

The scraping of chairs and the chatter of people filled the air around them, yet it still felt too quiet.

Finally, Finn spoke. 

"What are we going to do about this?" he sighed, falling back in his chair. He juggled his now-empty coffee cup between his hands. "I thought your life was shit before, but it seems to be reaching for unprecedented levels of bullshittery now. It could win gold in the Olympics, honestly."

"Gee, thanks," Rey said, her voice dry. She was well aware that her life was one heaping pile of manure stacked on top of each other, building up into a veritable skyscraper of crap. 

"I could always abort," she said softly, a lump in her throat. "It's not that expensive, and I think I'd be doing it a favour." She glanced down at the pictures of it that were currently set next to her on the table. She picked one up and stared at the irregular white blob in the middle of it. It didn't exactly scream 'baby', but Rey still felt an inexplicable surge of emotion as she stared at it. She traced the tip of her finger around its perimeter, following its shape.

An image suddenly flashed in her mind: a little boy, no more than five and no younger than three, stood before her, all skinny limbs and scabbed-over knees. His hair was dark brown, just bordering on black, and curled around his face in sweet little curls, from which the tips of slightly-too-large ears peeked out from. His nose was too large for his face, seemingly dwarfing everything else by comparison. He grinned right at, and the smile seemed to reach the corners of his eyes- a greenish hazel colour, just like her own. 

Rey blinked and the boy disappeared. She was still staring down at the picture of the ultrasound.

"Rey, you okay there?" Finn asked, waving a hand in front of her face. She glanced up at her friend, still befuddled by the sudden mental image.

"I'm fine," she said slowly. "I just... had a moment, I suppose. Must be the hormones and all," she said with a rueful grin. She didn't for a second believe that Finn accepted her answer, but he let it go, thankfully.

Rey set the picture facedown on the table, the edge of the picture slapping down onto the table. Her face settled into a slight frown as she mulled over what had just happened.

 _That was my son,_ she thought in disbelief. She could see it in his eyes, almost the exact same shape and colour as her own. But the rest of him... The rest of him was clearly his father. Kylo. Kylo whatever-his-last-name-is. They were almost identical, from the ears to the nose to the full lips and that impish smile that she still remembered him donning that night. She wondered if it would hurt her every time he smiled that smile, if it would remind her of her youthful mistakes and the father her child would never have. Or would the memory of Kylo fade from her mind as the years went by, and that smile became wholly her son's?

She doubted it. There was no forgetting a man like that.

Rey sighed heavily. It didn't do well to dwell on useless thoughts. She might not even have a son! She could have a daughter, one that looked exactly like her, with not even the barest hint of to what her paternity is. 

A wave of discomfort suddenly hit Rey at full force. The bottle of orange juice that see had just drank was making a comeback. She could feel the beginnings of it prickling at her abdomen. She pushed off out of her chair and slapped Finn lightly on the arm to get his attention. She motioned her head in the direction of the door, mouthing 'toilet' silently. He nodded in comprehension and whipped out his phone, no doubt to play some crappy game or text Poe to update him on how things were going.

Rey _wove_ between the tables, making sure not to accidentally bump into anyone. She reached the door, swinging it open with vigour.

Too much, one might say, as it slammed straight into someone's face. They let out an agonising howl, rapidly reaching up to stem the ebbing flow of blood from their now broken nose.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" Rey shrieked, rushing forward in a mad attempt to try and help her wounded victim. She fumbled around in her pockets for a tissue, yanking one out so hard it nearly ripped. It was clearly too small to do any good, and it was soaked through with warm blood in five seconds. "Fuck!" Rey swore as she dropped it to the ground. "Try tilting your head up," she suggested frantically. "That'll stop the bleeding."

"I know how to fucking handle this," he snarled back in a thick voice. "I'm a doctor."

Rey's eyes widened. She quickly glanced down at his nametag, which read:  _Dr. Benjamin Solo, Head of Neurology._

Benjamin Solo... Ben Solo... 

Realisation dawned on her. "Oh my god, you're the closet doctor!" she practically screamed, hopping from one foot to the other in her frenzy. "God, I can't tell you how goddamned sorry I am, I'm such a klutz, I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to-"

"I get it, calm down," Dr. Solo said irritably with a wave of his hand. He removed his hand from his nose, shaking off the blood that had run down it. He looked up, and...

 _Holy shit,_ Rey thought to herself.

Even with blood streaming down the bottom half of his face, there was no mistaking who he was. Dr. Benjamin Solo was none other than Kylo no-last-name.

 

* * *

 

 

 _Holy fuck,_ Ben thought to himself. 

He wondered how hard he'd been slammed in the face. He seemed to be having a hallucination of some sort. The girl from the gala- Rey, he recalled through his pain-addled mind- was standing in front of him, eyes wide. She was staring at him as if he were a ghost. Rather ironic. 

"What- I- But-" Rey spluttered, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. "Oh my god."

 

Ben was just as taken aback. He was frozen in place, completely indifferent to the stream of red that was flowing freely down his face, probably staining his doctor's coat and the floor. He simply blinked at the figure in front of him, who was blinking back in much the same way. 

"Hello," he said lamely, his voice slightly nasally from the blood running from his probably broken nose. He tasted the metallic tang of it at the back of his throat and grimaced, though he didn't move from his spot. 

"What are you doing here?" Rey asked dumbly.

"I work here."

"Oh." Rey frowned. "Right, yeah, that makes sense. Doctor Solo and all." She giggled nervously.

"Why are  _you_ here?" Ben accused her, trying to make himself sound as imperial as he could. Which was quite a feat, considering his current medical situation. He crossed his arms, trying to intimidate her into telling him the truth.

She hesitated. Opened her mouth as if to say something. Then-

"You need to get your nose checked out." The words tumbled out of her mouth in a messy torrent. Ben, already starting to feel light-headed from the blood loss, couldn't argue. She 'escorted' him (really, all she did was drag him in the direction he was pointing) to the ER, nibbling at her lip nervously all the way. Ben stared at it, fantasising about kissing those lips the same way he had done almost two months ago. He would bite her bottom lip, maybe run his tongue along the edge of it. Lick the hinge of her mouth, demanding her to open for him-

"Ahem." Rey's stern cough jerked him out of his fantasy. 

 _Shame,_ he thought. 

"You should sit down there," she informed him, pointing at an empty bed that was hidden behind a drawn screen. "Pinch your nose again so that the blood doesn't get everywhere." She stalked off, presumably to find a nurse to attend to him.

 He liked her when she was demanding, Ben thought to himself. His lips quirked into a delirious smile. 

 _It's just the blood loss that's causing this,_ he thought to himself.  _I wouldn't be this affected otherwise._ Ben nodded sagely at his own thoughts and complied with Rey's order. He flopped down onto the bed, pinching his nose between his thumb and index finger, and waited.

 

* * *

 

 

The nurse had come and gone in five minutes, patching up Dr. Solo- Kylo- Ben- whatever, with practised ease. Rey had seethed furiously while she did so, tapping her foot impatiently against the floor. The nurse left with an irritatingly cheerful smile, marking down some notes onto the clipboard she carried on a lanyard around her neck. 

As soon as she had shut the curtain behind her, Dr. Solo, sat up, back straight as a rod. His nose was covered in white bandages, making it even more comically large. Rey almost wanted to laugh, but managed to hold it back. 

"We need to talk," she snapped, pacing across the tiny rectangle of space next to the bed. Dr. Solo nodded, not daring to talk back while she was in this mood.

 _God, how can he be this thick?_ , Rey groaned mentally. She remembered that she just got hit in the face with a door, so she let it slide. She inhaled deeply and turned to face him. 

"Do you remember me?" she asked him tightly. 

The doctor nodded slowly. "About two months ago," he recalled. "You and I... we..."

"We fucked," Rey completed, tired of his waffling. "We fucked in a hotel room and then we went our separate ways. But I don't recall sleeping with a Ben or a Benjamin. You called yourself Kylo. Why?

Dr. Solo stared at her, conflict stirring in his eyes. "It's my middle name," he replied as calmly as a man in his situation could. "I thought it would be safer to give you that instead of my first name, just in case you came after me or something."

"Oh, yeah, because Ben's a _real uncommon_ name, isn't it?" Rey bit out sarcastically. She laughed derisively and shook her head. "I'm always attracted to the dimwits, aren't I?" she murmured to herself, though Dr. Solo clearly heard. He was smart enough not to say anything. 

 "I've been going mad all week," Rey continued, on a roll now. Anger was bubbling in her chest at a height that she hadn't felt since her time at her last foster home, when she beat up the matron for starving the kids. "I've been thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about, not at this age anyway." She turned on Dr. Solo. "And since I couldn't contact you, because you were scared I was going to  _sue_ you, or  _blackmail_ you, I've been having to deal with this  _by myself._ As in,  _all alone! Do you know how much shit I've been through already?"_ Her hissing turned into an incoherent jumble of sounds and she felt the beginnings of hot tears pricking at her eyes. 

"I don't even know what you're talking about!" Dr. Solo protested. "You can't just come into my hospital and start screaming at me because we  _slept together_!"

Rey stilled. The room went deadly quiet. Even the sound of chatter outside of their little area seemed to slow down, dull to an almost silent hum.

"Do you remember what we talked about in the closet earlier?" she said quietly.

Dr. Solo went white. "No," he whispered in disbelief. 

Rey nodded. She sat down next to him. Her eyes burned into his, still dazed, and she said, "I'm pregnant. You're the father."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, so... that's it... 
> 
> THEY FINALLY FUCKING MET AGAIN EVEN I WAS GETTING SICK OF IT anyway all comments, kudo, etc. are welcome :)
> 
> ALSO, TLJ IS COMING OUT IN THREE DAYS, HOW EXCITING?!?!?!?! Fingers crossed that they aren't siblings, because....  
> Do I really need to say why?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO I I WATCHED TLJ AND OMFG IT IS AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND WOW OMFG SHIT ESPECIALLY THAT PART WITH THE FIGHT U KNOW WHAT I MEAN AND *THAT* PART YOU KNOW WHICH ONE *waggles eyebrows* AND OH MY LORD (will not spoil in case ppl who haven't watched are reading) 
> 
> Phew... I have to say, I had a little bit of trouble writing this chapter (hence the long wait time) and I'm sorry if there are any dumb grammar mistakes or whatever. This is why I need a beta reader! *Coughs*  
> And I'm, as always, amazed at how many people have clicked on this trashfic of incomprehensible proportions, but hey, I'm not complaining!  
> So, here's a 4k+ word chapter (longer than usual, shoutout to GutterKitty for pushing me to ACTUALLY DO IT), and I hope you enjoy!  
> Feel free to leave a kudos, comment, bookmark this shit, whatever floats your boat, though it's HIGHLY recommended ;)

The incessant blaring of his alarm clock jerked Ben out of his sleep. He grunted as he heaved his lead-heavy arm across the bed to hit the snooze button, his mind already thinking ' _Just five more minutes..."_   Ben buried himself back into his bed, yanking the duvet tighter to his body as he did so. He tossed and turned for a few minutes, trying to fall back to sleep, but a slowly worsening headache prevented him from doing so. 

He sat up, pushing back the stray locks of hair that had fallen into his face, and sighed dejectedly. Even when he wanted to, he could never sleep in. Ben got up dejectedly, swinging his too-long legs out of bed and unsteadily making his way out of his room and to the kitchen for his first daily fix of caffeine. 

The pounding pain in his head made it hard for him to concentrate, and he wondered how much he had drunk the night before to feel this shit. He glanced around the room for any stray glasses or bottles that he had accidentally left out. There were none, leaving him confused for a minute until the events of yesterday rushed back to him.

He touched his nose gingerly and let out a small hiss at the sharp sensation that shot through his head. He had all but forgotten about it until now, probably too high on prescription painkillers to recall anything. But it seemed as though they had worn out, because now he remembered everything: Rey, Rey slamming a door in his face, Rey helping him to the ER, Rey sitting next to him, Rey shouting at him, Rey-

" _I'm pregnant,"_ she had said.  _"You're the father_." 

Ben cursed. 

A dad. He was going to be a fucking dad. Ben slumped into one of the stools lining the kitchen counter and dropped his head into his hands. 

He was a neurosurgeon. He could cut open a man's head and operate without even batting an eye. He could save a life just as it was teetering on the edge of death, bringing it back just as easily as another person could restart a car engine. He could  _not_ have a kid. 

His own childhood had been... lonely at best. Leia Organa-Solo was too caught up in her political agenda to really pay any attention to her only son's life. She was never there for school concerts or award ceremonies, as meetings and rallies took up most of the space on her calendar. His father wasn't any better; high-ranking air force officials never really could make much time for their sons. The closest thing to a parental figure he had in his life was his uncle who he saw only twice every month at the very most- up until he was around thirteen or so, of course. After that, he'd gone out of his way  _not_ to see Uncle Luke. So, yeah, suffice to say that he didn't really have any experience with parents or parenting. 

Ben realized that he would have to speak to Rey at some point, but he couldn't exactly lurk around the OB office for her to show up. That would probably just perpetuate the weird, tortured emo reputation he had going for himself, which wasn't exactly appealing, and he would rather stab himself in the gut than be within fifty feet of Hux. He shuddered at the thought of his weasel-faced rival.

That left only one option: search her file. It was morally wrong, sure, but desperate times called for desperate measures, Ben thought, and there was nothing more desperate than finding the mother of your love-child. 

His laptop sat a few feet away from him, screen open but black. Ben dragged it towards him and turned it on, waiting impatiently for the logo to fade from the screen. He entered his password with a frenzied swoop of his fingers, years of habit being the only thing keeping him from fucking it up. Which he had done too much over the past two months, apparently. 

He swore loudly as the screen went blank again, save for the rotating circle in the middle of the screen. He really had to get a new computer. It finally started up, and he went straight to his email. He logged out of his account and into Hux's, confident that, as head of the OB/GYN department, he'd have access to all patient files.

Ben smirked as he typed in Hux's password, maliciously imagining his colleague's face when he saw that someone- yet again- had hacked into his email. It had been a source of frustration for him, and his rants on the topic were probably the only thing that brought some semblance of amusement to Ben, however sick it might be. 

Ben scrolled down his inbox, scanning for Rey's name. It took him a while- Hux's inbox comprised of 20% hospital business, 10% magazine subscriptions and 70% of it was emails from various scammers and the occasional racy dating website. Ben considered getting his phone out to take a picture of them but thought better of it. But he would forever keep the memory of it tucked next to his heart. 

"Aha!" he exclaimed triumphantly when he finally found a reminder for an appointment for 'Kenobi, Rey'. 

He opened her file, taking in all the information he could about her. 

 _Full Name: Rey Kira Kenobi_  
D.O.B: 10/04/1994  
Address: XXX Niima St., Washington, D.C  
Phone Number: XXX XXX-XXXX

Ben quickly jotted it down on right onto the kitchen counter, frowning a little at the birth date on the file as he did so. She was only twenty-four, barely old enough to have a kid, and almost ten years younger than Ben. A little stone of guilt settled at the bottom of his stomach. 

"I'm going to fix this," he muttered determinedly to himself as picked up his landline (yes he  _still_ had a landline, sue him), and dialed her number. The phone rang once, twice, three times. Ben tapped his foot impatiently on the ground as he waited for her to pick up.

"Hello?" a bleary voice greeted through the phone. Ben straightened up and cleared his throat, suddenly feeling slightly queasy.

"Hey, Rey, right?" he said, drumming his fingers against the counter nervously. He realised just then that he wouldn't know what to say if it _was_ Rey. He couldn't exactly just casually say 'Hey, do you want to get some coffee so that we can discuss the future of our accidental love child?' 

"This is Ben Solo, we previously met at the hospital," he informed her crisply, trying to cover up his nerves. 

"It's not even seven," was all she said.

Ben blinked. He checked the clock that hung on the far wall of the kitchen. She was right: it was only six forty. "Oh, sorry," he said, not really sorry at all. "But I've got to talk to you. It's urgent."

He heard faint grumbling on the other end of the line, followed by the rustle of fabric and the faint sound of feet hitting the ground. He must have woken her up. The image of her rolling out of bed, all messy-haired and bleary-eyed, popped into his mind. He laughed a little at the thought of it but quickly banished it away. He had to stay as professional as possible. Emotions were a messy business. 

He cleared his throat yet again. It had become an annoying little habit, one that he blamed Rey Kenobi for. "Anyway, I was thinking that we could meet up or something," he rambled, screwing his face up into a grimace at the stupidity of his suggestion. "You know, to talk about the baby. Our baby. The... y'know." 

Rey made a strange little noise that sounded suspiciously like suppressed laughter. Ben tried not to let it get to him. He was starting to pace, feet shuffling and dragging against the floor, the familiar sound soothing his mind as much as it could in a situation like this. Rey was taking an inordinately long time to answer, considering that he had only asked to meet up with her. 

"Where?" she finally asked. He could hear the doubt in her voice.

"Umm... Do you know Maz's Castle?" he asked her. "Small little shop, just outside the hospital, impossible to miss. It stands out for miles. I can meet you there once I get out."

"You're already there?" she asked incredulously. "I mean, I knew doctors worked, but it's only seven, for god's sake! And I thought  _I_ had it rough." Rey laughed, a bright sound that had Ben cracking a tiny smile- only a  _tiny_ one. He wasn't a smiler. 

"No. But I'll be leaving in an hour," Ben admitted. 

"Alright, see you at..." Her voice trailed off, clearly waiting for him to supply a time for their meeting.

"Six," he supplied. "I get off at six." He could almost hear her nodding in agreement. 

She hung up before he could say anything else. 

 

* * *

 

 

Maz's Castle sat at the corner of the street, between a high-end clothes shop and a probably ridiculously overpriced restaurant. It's facade seemed so out of place wedged between these two shops, its walls made of chipped stones that were painted with hundreds of different symbols, flags and random tags left by patrons and passers-by alike, as opposed to the sleek monochrome exteriors of its neighbours. It had resided there for what seemed like forever. Ben could remember visiting with his parents when he was younger, before he had withdrawn from them and refused to even be seen in public with them. 

Ben pushed the door open. It swung forward on well-maintained hinges, releasing the constant thrum of conversation into the bustling street which was packed with commuters returning home from work. The inside of the Castle was just as crowded. All the tables were taken, men and women huddled around them with drinks in their hands, talking and discussing and fighting their hearts out. He scanned the room for Rey, his height giving him a slight advantage. 

He spotted her in the far left corner, nursing a mug of steaming liquid. He could see her glancing around the interior with wary eyes, clearly out of her comfort zone in the crowded space. Ben strode towards her, his long legs quickly covering the distance in a matter of seconds. 

She looked up when he was a few metres away. Her face remained impressively impassive. Ben couldn’t glean a single thought from it, which frustrates him, but he pushed that feeling back. He pulled out the chair opposite her and sank down into it. Her eyes stayed glued to him as he did so.

”Thanks for coming,” he said as quietly as he could without his voice getting lost in the din. She nodded, biting down on her bottom lip. Ben’s gaze lingered on them for a second too long, but he quickly tore them away as soon as he realized what he was doing. “I apologize if I’ve dragged you away from any important appointments.”

Rey’s lips quirked up at his formal tone. “What important appointments?” she laughed. “I’ve been unemployed for almost five months now, and I've only just found someone that'll take me. You’d be surprised at how hard it is to get a job with an engineering degree in this city.” She took a long drag from her mug, face screwing up slightly. 

“Do you not like what you ordered?” he asked her, just to get the conversation rolling. 

Rey shook her head vigorously. “I thought I did,” she admitted, lowering her head down and taking another sip, this time smaller than the last. She grimaced yet again and pushed her mug into the middle of the table. “But I don’t think that the baby does.” 

Ben nodded guiltily. “I suppose you’re going to blame me for that,” he joked awkwardly, pursing his lips. He wouldn’t hold it against her, to be honest; it was kind of his fault that they were in this predicament to begin with. He’d been too hasty, wanting into her too much to take care with putting on the condom. He would have to tell her, he decided, and just brace himself for the incoming storm of a hormonal pregnant woman. 

To Ben’s utter surprise- and relief, if he were being honest- no lashing words assaulted his ears. “I was stupid,” she said. “Should’ve remembered to take the morning-after pill that day. Can you imagine?” she asked bitterly. “The one time I forget to take it, I get knocked up. Didn’t even remember that I didn’t take it that day until yesterday.”

That made Ben feel even worse about his blunder. He was used to being the responsible one, but the alcohol had addled his judgment that night. His face must’ve given away his guilt, because Rey’s eyes suddenly narrowed and she leaned forward, hands braced on the table.

”Why do you look like that?” she asked, her voice dangerously low. 

“Like wh-“ His voice had risen about five octaves, betraying his panic. Ben coughed to clear his throat. “Like what?” he repeated, voice now as low as it could be. 

“Like you fucked up as well,” Rey said slowly. Ben could swear that he could see the cogs in her mind whirring away in though. She wasn’t stupid, not by a long shot, and he knew it was only a matter of seconds before she caught on. He prayed- something he hadn’t done in years- as a look of realization dawned on Rey’s face. 

”You  _did_ fuck up!” she said accusingly. “Don’t try to deny it, I can see it on your face!”

Goddammit. Of course, he had the luck to knock up a bloody mind reader. Ben sighed and shifted in his seat. “I... may not have put it on properly.” 

“Put what on properly?” Rey badgered relentlessly, reaching forward to grasp his hands. He stared down at them for a minute, looking at where her fingers knitted together with his. 

“The condom,” he muttered, feeling his ears go an embarrassingly vibrant shade of red. “I might’ve accidentally fucked up there, so...”

Rey stared at him. Her eyes seemed to be locked into place, looking through him but still managing to pierce her with her stare at the same time. He shifted uncomfortably in the chair, wanting to get up and run away as far as he could but he refrained from doing so. He knew how much it hurt to have an absent father, and over his dead body would he abandon any child of his.

“How old are you?” Rey asked him, voice so falsely saccharine sweet that it kind of scared him.

”Umm, thirty-three,” he replied, too tense to really question her new line of interrogation.

”So,” she said, and Ben could sense a speech of epic proportions brewing. It reminded him scarily of his mother. “How many condoms do you think you’ve ever put on in your life? Don’t answer that, I’m still speaking. Anyway, I’d guess that you’d have used quite a few, am I right?” She slammed her fist on the table, causing the table to shake and her drink nearly slosh out of her mug. Ben jerked a little in surprise. “So unless this is something that happens quite a lot, and you've got a house full of accident babies, you have  _absolutely no excuse for what happened_!"

"Hey, it's not entirely my fault!" he spluttered. "I wasn't the one buying myself all of those drinks! I've not touched alcohol for years, for your information." He let out a rather petulant harrumph and crossed his arms. Rey rolled her eyes at his childish behaviour. 

"I'm just going to pretend that I didn't hear that," Rey said, shaking her head. "Anyway, why did you call me? I don't think you just wanted to argue about who fucked up the most, eh?" She laughed flatly, spite evident in her tone. 

"Ah, right," Ben said, sitting up straight. He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous tic that he had tried getting rid of but couldn't seem to. "I just wanted to talk about... you know. The baby. Her? Him? Do you know yet?" He stole a quick glance down at her abdomen, a feat only achievable by his advantageous height, but couldn't glean anything from it. Any random passer-by wouldn't probably even suspect that she was pregnant. Her stomach would probably still be flat but if it wasn't, the baggy, ratty sweater that she was wearing would hide any sign of a bump. 

"Too early," she said while shaking her head slightly. "But I'm due in for another checkup next week."

"So... you're keeping it?" Ben asked hesitantly. He knew that it was a touchy subject and kind of felt like he was overstepping by asking about it, but he just had to know. 

She glowered at him. "Of course. It's my child," she replied tersely. "Do you _want_ me to abort?"

Ben hesitated. Did he? He had no prior interest in becoming a father, period, but the more he thought about it the more bearable it seemed to be to him. He shook his head. "No. Keep it," he told her. "But I... I think I want to be a part of its life. I want to actually be its dad, not just a name on a birth certificate."

Rey stared at him, a shocked kind of expression on his face. "You do?" she practically whispered.

Ben shrugged. "My dad was never really around when I was younger. I kind of hated him for that. I don't want that to happen to this kid." 

"Oh." Rey looked as though she was going to faint. "That's... that's really... nice... to hear..." she managed to choke out. 

Ben leaned forward, propping his chin up with his hands. "You said something about a checkup next week," he continued. "I want to be there, too. It's half mine, isn't it?"

She nodded. Cleared her throat. She picked up a tissue and swiped at her eyes hastily, obviously wanting to hide her emotion from Ben. "Wednesday. Nine thirty. Don't be late," she told him. 

He nodded. "Who's your OB?" he inquired, going through his mental database of all the possible OB's she could have.

"Dr. Hux," she told him. 

His elbows slipped in surprise and his chin almost crashed onto the table. "Hux?" he snorted incredulously, a rare bark of laughter escaping from his lips. "That creep is your OB? Jesus, how unlucky can you get?"

"Okay, he isn't  _that_ bad," she protested. "I mean, yeah, a little creepy, like you said, but he's alright." 

"A little? He's the sleaziest shitbag I've ever met," he said, shaking his head. "The closest he'll ever get to a woman is through his job, and he knows it."

Ben had hated Hux since that time he had 'borrowed' Ben's favourite mug- an official Vader and the Troopers mug from their last official concert- and had never returned it. He had fumed for weeks, passive-aggressively knocking over every coffee mug he saw, regardless of whether it was Hux's or not. It had led to the entire staff of the hospital needing to get metal Thermos' so that they wouldn't have to keep cleaning up the messes. Hux had finally given it back- without the handle. The only reason he hadn't beaten Hux up for it was because he had three more at home. And he needed his job. Needless to say, he had despised Hux ever since and would do anything to thwart him. Letting him be the doctor taking care of his child was impossible. "I'll get you another doctor. Pava, I think. She's new, just joined the staff, but she's good at what she does."

"Thanks," Rey said with a tight-lipped smile. 

"And I want to talk to you about custody, now that we're here," he continued, deciding that it would be better to get straight to the point rather than gently sliding into it. It would be easier, he thought. "Obviously, I'll have my lawyers get onto it soon, but I thought that we could have a little chat beforehand." Rey tried to interrupt but Ben held up a hand, silencing her. "I want joint custody. I want the kid for at least three days a week, preferably on Sundays to Tuesdays, if that would be possible."

"Now, hold on, 'the kid' hasn't even been born yet!" Rey argued.

"Exactly. It's better to sort these things out early, don't you think?" He raised his eyebrows at her half-outraged, half-confused expression. "But I think that we should live together for at least a year, just so that it's easier for both parties. Don't you agree?"

"I'm not going to live with you!" Rey hissed. "And I'm not letting you have joint custody. It's my child!"

"And mine," Ben reminded her. "I have just as much right to it as you do. And how are you going to raise it? You're barely out of college, you're unemployed, from what I've gathered, money seems to be an issue for you. You can't raise a kid without money."

"I'll manage," she replied coldly. "I'm used to fending for myself." Her eyes were fixed on the wall beside her, brows furrowed furiously over them in determination.

"But not for a baby," he pointed out softly. She turned to look at him. He could see the resolve in her eyes failing; she knew that he was right, but was obviously too proud to give in. He stared back at her. He swore that he could almost hear her thoughts, and he thought back at her,  _trust me. Believe me. Do what's right._  

Rey sighed. "Fine. A year. And then we'll talk about the rest later." She waved a hand in defeat. "I'm too tired for this shit right now.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as Rey got home, she collapsed into bed, almost on the verge of tears. The pregnancy hormones had turned her into an emotional wreck, swinging from anger to sadness to joy in five seconds flat. She felt drained, mentally and physically. She had had to walk to Maz's, deciding that she wanted to feed herself rather than be a little more comfortable. And didn't doctors say that it was good for pregnant women to exercise? Ben had offered to take her back home after their little 'chat', but she had declined, convincing him that she would be fine. She didn't want to depend on him so much, now more than ever. 

He was being too good, she thought. Most of her other flings would probably have run to the other side of the globe the minute she told them she was pregnant. Ben had stayed. He'd done more than that, too. Offered her support and money and a father for her child. 

 _"My dad was never really around when I was younger. I hated him for that. I don't want that to happen to this kid."_ Something they both had in common, Rey thought bitterly. 

Rey pulled her blankets around her tighter, letting the cozy warmth envelop her. Her eyes started to flutter shut, growing heavier by the minute until she couldn't bear to keep them open anymore. She slept for a few hours, waking up hours after the sun had dipped below the horizon.

Her hand had made its way towards her abdomen, a habit that she had recently developed. She didn't know if she liked it just yet. Her fingers started to tap a light pattern across the still-flat surface of her belly and she imagined the baby underneath wriggling around to match the rhythm. She laughed sourly. Who would've thought that she would get so sentimental?

 With a heavy sigh, she rolled over and grabbed her phone from her bedside table. The glaring brightness almost blinded her, and she had to blink a few times to let her eyes adjust to it. She speed-dialed Finn, waiting for him to pick up impatiently. It rang fourteen times before she finally decided to hang up. He was probably on a date night with Poe or something, enjoying their stable, sugary-sweet domestic bliss without the threat of parenthood dangling over them. 

She scrolled through her list of contacts, needing to talk to someone before she died of frustration. She had to vent to someone at the risk of exploding. Her finger stopped when she saw the name 'Ben Solo' scroll up onto the screen. He had insisted that she put it into her phone, even going so far as to take it away from her and threaten to do it himself when she had hesitated. It was kind of endearing, really, how much he cared, but it was too much for Rey.

But that didn't matter now.

 _Hey, you up?,_ she texted, cringing slightly at how suggestive it sounded. 

It only took him a few seconds to reply.

_**Ben:** This better not be a booty call..._

Rey laughed slightly. Her fingers skipped across the screen at almost light speed. She bit her lip nervously before she hit the enter button. What if he didn't want to be disturbed? What if he was on a date?

The thought of Ben on a date unsettled her for some reason. She could imagine it in exquisite detail: Ben in a suit, just like the night they met, sleek and handsome. The woman he was with would be beautiful, in an expensive dress and hair almost as fabulous as Ben's. Rey imagined the woman trailing a hand up his arm, giving him a suggestive smile, dragging him out of the room by the tie- 

Her phone pinged. 

_**Ben:** What's up? I'm just working._

Rey almost sighed in relief. She deleted her previous message and typed in another.

_**Rey:** Bored. Finn wouldn't pick up._

_**Ben:** Who's Finn?_

_**Ben:** A friend? A boyfriend? Brother?_

She almost heard the accusatory tone of his voice and was glad that she wasn't the only one who felt this strange sort of jealousy.

_**Rey:** Friend. He's probably 'on a date' with his boyfriend now, if you know what i mean..._

_**Ben:** Why did you put 'on a date' in speech marks? _

_**Rey:** ..._

_**Rey:** Do you not...?_

_**Ben:** I'm a thirty-three-year-old neurosurgeon, do you think I have any kind of social life?_

_**Rey:** Good point_

**_Ben:_ ** _So... why'd you text me?_

 **_Rey:_ ** _just boreed_

 **_Rey:_ ** _*bored_

_**Ben:** Good for you  
_

Rey waited for a minute. Ben hadn't texted anything back. She wondered if she should send another text.  _He's working,_ she thought to herself.  _He probably doesn't want to be interrupted._

_**Ben:** Sorry, I went to get a snack. _

Rey practically pounced onto her phone, grabbing onto it and re-reading his latest text again. "That's all?" she huffed incredulously. "Fucking dumbass."

_**Rey:** What did you get?_

**_Ben:_ ** _... Coco pops_

 **_Rey:_ ** _ehat?_

 **_Ben:_ ** _They're delicious, don't judge me._

 **_Rey:_ ** _i wasnt_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Yes you were._

 **_Rey:_ ** _Scouts honor!!!_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Sure..._

 **_Rey:_ ** _ok, fine I may have laughed a little_

 **_Ben:_ ** _A lot_

 **_Rey:_ ** _A lot_

 **_Ben:_ ** _They are my lifeblood, I have no shame._

 **_Ben:_ ** _Okay, maybe a little bit of shame._

 **_Rey:_ ** _Yyou are a 33 yr old neurosurgeon_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Correct._

 **_Rey:_ ** _who eats coco pops_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Also correct._

 **_Rey:_ ** _At midnight on a saturday night_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Again, no social life to speak of._

 **_Rey:_ ** _... are u sure that you're not the pregnant one?_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Males are incapable of producing young._

 **_Ben:_ ** _Uneducated heathen._

 **_Rey:_ ** _Ouch_

 **_Ben:_ ** _I've been told that I can be quite abrasive at times._

 **_Ben:_ ** _I apologise._

 **_Rey:_ ** _wow, ur bad at texting_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Need I remind you what I am?_

 **_Rey:_ ** _an eternal virgin_

 **_Ben:_ ** _whta_

_**Ben:** No  
_

**_Ben:_ ** _I'm pretty sure tha's impossible._

 **_Rey:_ ** _u sure?_

 **_Ben:_ ** _yes_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Quite sure_

 **_Rey:_ ** _oooookkkk, whatever u say_

_**Ben:** Shut it  
_

**_Ben:_ ** _Anyway, I have work tomorrow. I should probably head off to bed._

 **_Ben:_ ** _Goodnight, Rey_

 **_Rey:_ ** _Night ben :)_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Night..._

 

Rey set down her phone with a slight grin. She felt lighter somehow, as if talking about coco pops and Ben's horrible texting skills had magically lifted the stress of the past couple of months off of her shoulders. She wrapped her arms around herself and smushed her face into her pillow. 

That night, she dreamed of strong hands, dark eyes, and small, barely-there smiles.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DONE!  
> Please let me know what you think of it (don't hold back, my Asianness compels me to thirst after criticism) so that I can improve it and keep this fic from becoming too predictable/boring/just generally horrible to read.  
> The fluff at the end was difficult for me to do BECAUSE I AM A HORRIBLE FILTHY PERSON WHO CANT WrITE FLUFF but this is for the weeeeeb girl (my friend) so ur welcome???  
> Also, I have no idea how hospital business thingys work so if any of you do, PLEASE HELP ME and don't take offence.
> 
> And thanks to Maggie for the Dr. Pava idea!!! (she will be seen in chapters to come)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that our two favourite space babies have gotten together again, I WONDER WHAT'LL HAPPEN?!?!?!
> 
> Just kidding, nothing toooooooooooooo dramatic...
> 
> Yet.
> 
> *Grins evilly and retreats back into my hermit cave*
> 
> I'm sorry I shouldn't try to be funny

Rey's apartment block was a dump. Literally. Garbage, both in bags and out, littered the streets, strewn around by the harsh winter winds that graced the city. Ben swore that he saw at least five rats scuttling up the pavement, squeaking demonically and dragging scraps of food back into their homes. The red brick facade of the actual building was worn down so much that the individual bricks had seemed to melt together. Messy graffiti and tattered posters decorated the grimy surface, making it seem more like some strange, large-scale piece of Dadaist art. 

Ben traipsed up the stairs on his tiptoes, trying to avoid the dark puddles of who-knows-what. He scanned down the list on the intercom, quickly finding Rey's name, which was written on a scrap piece of cardboard and taped over the slot. He pulled the sleeve of his jacket down to cover the tip of his thumb and rang the doorbell gingerly. He heard it ringing faintly from above, a jarring blare like a nest of wasps being disturbed. Through the thin, worn walls of the structure, he could hear her tumbling around, footsteps heavy. A few extremely colourful curses drifted down into the street. Ben chuckled softly, imagining her tripping clumsily over her feet on her way to the door. 

"Hello?" Rey's voice garbled through the intercom. "Who is it?"

"Umm... It's Ben. Ben Solo," he answered quickly, having to stoop down slightly to be able to speak into the microphone.

She stays silent for a minute. Then, "What are you doing here?" She sounds slightly surprised. 

"It's Wednesday," he replied. He quickly glanced down at his watch. "Eight-fifteen on a Wednesday."

"So?"

"Y-you have an appointment, don't you?"

More silence. She finally sighs and says, "Come on up."

Following a loud buzz, the half-broken metal grate that covered the door swung open. Ben slipped past it, shouldering open the frail wooden door just behind it. He entered into a decrepit foyer, dimly lit with dusty sunlight streaming through the three lone windows that hadn't been covered up with sheets of cardboard and duct tape. He stood there for a few minutes, aghast at the shoddy state of her residence, but quickly shook his head and jogged up the stairs, repeating her apartment number in his head with every step up. He was, embarrassingly, slightly out of breath by the time he reached it. In his defence, the steps were steep and small, and he had had to go up six sets of them.

He spotted Rey leaning languidly against the doorframe, a little smirk on her face. Ben scowled at her, which caused it to widen even more. 

"Tired?" she asked him snarkily, her eyes laughing. She turned back into her apartment, holding the door open in a silent invitation for Ben to follow her. With his freakishly long legs, he strode in in less than three steps. He took in the interior of Rey's living room: small, shabby, filled with clearly second-hand furniture. The  walls were painted a colour that Ben assumed used to be white, and was chipped away in some places to show bumpy grey concrete. There was a small coffee table that sat in the middle of the room, cluttered with books and pencils. A worn orange couch was pushed up against the far wall, under a large window covered with sheets of paper that obstructed the view but still allowed light in. 

"Pervy neighbours," she explained nonchalantly with a flippant wave of her hand. She had hopped up onto the cheap-looking kitchen counter, swinging her legs back and forth like a child. She was still in her pyjamas- a loose white tee and short shorts- and Ben's eyes gave her a once over without thinking, taking in the smooth, tanned lengths of her legs, following them up to her torso, her tiny waist, her arms bracing themselves against the counter, the little dip between her clavicles. She coughed pointedly and his eyes jerked up to meet hers, blushing a furious red at being caught. She arched one brow and nodded towards the paper-covered window. "Do you want to join them?" Rey asked him. Ben shook his head and averted his gaze for a minute, pretending to be absorbed in a small photograph that sat on the little table next to the door. 

"Who're they?" he asked her, gesturing at it. Two men were in it, along with Rey. The dark skinned one was smiling brightly, arm thrown carelessly around Rey's shoulders. His eyes glittered with amusement as he looked down at her. The other man, dark-haired and tan, was ruffling Rey's hair in a brotherly manner, though his eyes were trained on the other man. Rey was staring right at the camera, a wide grin plastered on her face. Her arms were wrapped around her companions' waists, drawing them all together into a tight huddle.

”My friends,” she answered, hopping from her perch to join him by the door. She pointed to the one on the right. “That’s Finn.”

Ben remembered that name; she had mentioned it a few days ago when she had texted him, and he had reacted jealously and embarrassingly, needling for information on this ‘Finn’. Ben felt the tips of his ears burn. 

“And that one’s Poe,” Rey continued, thankfully not registering his mortification. “Finn’s fiancé, though they haven’t technically gotten engaged yet. Finn says he’s too young, wants to wait until he’s twenty-nine.” She chuckled, picking up the picture with a fond smile. Ben followed every single one of her moves, no matter how minute. “I don’t know why he doesn’t just round up to thirty, it wouldn’t make any difference. But he’s Finn, I suppose. Stupid as a mule."

"They sound like they've got their lives together," Ben commented wryly, a small, pained smile on his face. Rey laughed humourlessly at his remark. 

"They do. They just got a cat together, d'you know? Her name's BeBe Eight, short for Belinda Bessie the Eighth" she told him. 

"What kind of name is that?" Ben asked incredulously. "Why would you name a cat that? Why would you name  _ eight cats _  that?"

Rey shrugged in response. "Dunno. You gotta ask the lady they got her from." 

"No thanks," Ben replied, his distaste evident. He cleared his mind of crazy cat ladies and stupid names. There  _ was _  a reason he came here in the first place. "You should get ready."

"Ready?" Rey was momentarily confused before she remembered the reason for his sudden appearance at her doorstep. "Oh, right, yeah. Just... give me a minute to make myself presentable to the public eye, eh?" She gestured down at her pyjamas with a wry smile. "So just make yourself at home while I... do my stuff, I guess."

Ben nodded, awkwardly clasping his hands behind his back. He watched as she bounded off into the adjoining room- presumably her bedroom- and plonked himself down onto her worn sofa. The springs creaked ominously underneath him, and he tried to remember if his insurance covered being impaled by rusty old sofa springs. Probably not. He sighed heavily, massaging his temples in an attempt to clear his mind. He cursed every god he could think of for getting him into this colossal mess. 

When it became apparent that Rey would take more than five minutes, Ben took another cursory glance of her shabby apartment. There were little trinkets scattered everywhere, he noticed, that Rey must've placed here and there to make the dump of a place homier. Strange bits of twisted scrap metal, broken glass figurines, and other assorted hodge-podge were perched all over the place. A couple of small potted plants sat on a crate, their leaves wilted and yellow. Ben wondered when was the last time she watered them. 

There were no pictures in the room apart from the one of Rey and her friends. All indications of a family were absent, replaced by blank expanses of wall and even more questions about his former bedmate and now accidental baby-mama from Ben. The only thing, in his opinion, worse than accidentally knocking up a girl was knocking up a girl with no apparent background. 

* * *

 

"I want to kill myself," Rey moaned woefully down the line, rummaging frantically around her room for something decent to wear. She hadn't anticipated Ben showing up at the crack of dawn to drive her to the hospital, where he conveniently worked. "He just fucking showed up out of nowhere, I swear to god. I hadn't even woken up yet!"

"How does he even know where you live?" Finn asked, clearly on the verge of laughter, but making a very good attempt at keeping it in for his friend. Rey could hear Poe in the background, probably making a snarky joke or two at her expense. She rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.

"A little support would be great, you guys," she said.

"Just kick him out," Poe piped up. "That's what I would do."

Rey pulled an only-slightly-wrinkled shirt out of her wardrobe, smoothing it out a little bit. "Yeah, well, I'm not you, Poe, in case you haven't noticed," she replied, slipping off her tank top. "And I did say that he could come to the appointment. It would be weird to see him again after I kicked him out of my house literally an hour beforehand."

"Say that I'm coming to pick you up," Finn said. "He'd probably leave as soon as you tell him. Oh, tell him I'm your boyfriend!"

"Yeah, and then I can explain to him how I'm in a polyamorous relationship with my best friend and his almost-fiancé," Rey shot back sarcastically. "I'm sure that would work out great. Now give me a minute, I have to change." Rey scrambled around her room to find a suitable outfit, haphazardly slipping on random articles of clothing that seemed clean enough. It was too early to bother with trying to dress nicely, she thought to herself. She straightened up, halfway decently clothed and slightly out of breath from her impromptu abstract dance session. "Okay, I'm back. Any other ideas?"

"Umm, say you already called for an Uber?" Finn suggested half-heartedly, clearly already out of good ideas. Rey heard Poe snickering faintly in the background, the sound quickly followed by a soft thwack, more likely than not Finn throwing a pillow of some sort at him. "Ok, no that was a really bad idea," he admitted over the sound of Poe crowing smugly. 

"Told you!" Rey could make out faintly. 

"Anyway," Finn continued. "Just get over it. You're going to have to spend a lot more time with him, so you better get used to it."

"Gee, you're such a good friend," Rey said flatly. 

"I know, peanut, I know. Anyway, g'bye. BB just dragged in a dead pigeon and we're gonna have to deal with it. Bye, love you!"

"Love you too, asshole," she laughed back. She tucked her phone into the back pocket of her pants and strode over to the door. Without hesitation, she pushed it open, letting it hit the wall to announce her entrance to Ben. She saw him instantly shoot up from his seat on her very badly beaten up couch, eyes wide and trained directly on her. He was on the phone, and was clearly desperate for it to end.

"Yes, I know," he murmured, loud enough for her to hear but quiet enough for her to know that this was a conversation that he didn't want to be having in front of her. "I'm trying, I promise, but work's been really busy lately... No, no it isn't Snoke, I swear... Yeah, you've told me what you'd do to him about a hundred times at this point... Really, mom? So close to Christmas? I swear, mom, if you... Okay, okay, I'll try. Bye... Yeah, yeah, bye. Love you, too. See you soon. Love you... Bye" He ended the call quickly, face flaming bright red. "Sorry about that," he mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

Rey shook her head. "Don't apologise for that," she said. "You're lucky to have a mom who cares about you." She thought about her own mother, a useless drunk who dumped her kid off in the middle of nowhere so that she could go do god-only-knows-what. Rey would have killed to have a mother like Ben's when she was younger. Someone who called her just to see how she was doing. Who probably cared enough to ask about work and life and every little trivial detail. Who said 'I love you' because they wanted to, instead of just saying it because that was what mothers were supposed to say. 

She swallowed the lump of emotion that was starting to form at the back of her throat and swiped at her eyes. "Urgh, this is embarrassing," she laughed shakily. "The hormones are getting to me, I think." She barely suppressed a shriek from erupting out of her. Rey sped around the kitchen counter to grab her keys, desperate to get out of her apartment. It was too hot. Was it just her, or was it too hot? 

_ Way too hot,  _ she decided, hurriedly opening the front door. She was about to slam it shut when she remembered that Ben was still inside. She begrudgingly held it open, popping her head in and jerking it in the direction of the hallway so that he would get the hint. He did, thankfully, and she shut the door behind him with a satisfying slam. She glared at the back of his head all the way down the stairs- which was a considerable amount of time.

"Did you drive here?" she heard herself asking him when they reached the main entrance. "God, that was a dumb question." Rey grimaced at her own stupidity.

"Don't apologise," Ben said, turning around to face her. He didn't smile, but the corners of his lips twitched up a little. "There's been a ton of research that shows the link between deteriorating cognitive functions in late-term pregnancy, so hypothesizing that it would be the same earlier on in the gestation period wouldn't be too much of a stretch."

Rey blinked in bewilderment. "What?" Ben opened his mouth to speak, but she held up a hand to stop him. "I understood what you said, trust me. But are you suggesting that just because I'm pregnant that I'm not as sharp as I was?" It was supposed to come out angrily, but instead, it came out like she was jokingly scolding a small child who took one too many sweets.    
  


_ Goddammit,  _ she cursed inwardly.  _ It's the hair. No one could be mad at anyone with hair that fabulous. I wonder what conditioner he uses. Or the eyes. They're quite nice, actually. Brown, but not boring, not like dirt or coffee or something. Like tiger iron. Soft. Puppyish. They're actually really- _

Nope. She wasn't going there. Ben Solo wasn't, in any sense of the word, attractive, especially to her. She just so happened to be carrying his child. It was an evolutionary reaction to being so close to the other half of her child's genetic makeup. That was it, she decided. Science.

Rey smiled tightly and strode out with what she hoped was a confident gait. The familiar, nasty smell of rubbish, burnt out cigarettes and joints, and faeces from assorted species assaulted her nostrils, but almost four years of living in the run-down Niima area of the city immunised her to it. Ben obviously still wasn't used to it, as she heard him grunt a little in disgust as he stepped out of the building. 

"How the hell do you live here?" he asked her as they made their way across the street, Rey trailing behind him by a few steps so that he could lead them to his car. "It smells like the devil's asshole."

"You have a lot of experience with Lucifer's behind?" Rey asked him cheekily. 

"Not as much as Hux," he replied, a hint of mischief in his voice. "He practically spends all day kissing it, hoping for a promotion or something." He fished his car keys out of his pocket and points it over to a sleek black car parked a few metres away. Rey's mouth practically falls open to the ground when her eyes land on it.

"Is that... a TIE Bomber?" she gushes, racing over to the beast of a machine that Ben apparently casually brings over to the worst district in the entire state. "Oh my god, it's even more beautiful in person. Top speed of two-fifty, zero to sixty in just over two seconds-"

"It's just a car," Ben dismisses, nudging Rey aside so that he can slip into the driver's seat. 

" _ Just a car? _ " she repeats, almost hyperventilating in anger and excitement. "Oh, yeah, a TIE Bomber is just a car. The Order of the Jedi was  _ just _  a band. Padmé Amidala was  _ just _  a politician. Jesus, how rich do you have to be to call a TIE  _ just a car _ ?"

Ben sighed as he started up the engines. "Of all the examples you had to use to make me look like a privileged asshole. Are you sure you didn't look me up?"

"No. Why would I?" Rey snorted. God, he was even more self-absorbed than she realised.

He nodded and slumped back into his seat. He steered with one hand, causing Rey's stomach to do backflips inside of her. "I'm, sadly, related to too many famous people for my own liking. That's why I'm a doctor. Not many doctors are famous, in case you haven't noticed."

Rey raised an eyebrow. "Famous as in..."

"Musicians, politicians, war heroes, you name it. I'm probably related to them."

"Senator Amidala?"

"Grandmother."

"Shut up! So that means-"

"Hi, Ben Solo, son of Senator Leia Organa and Captain Han Solo. You've probably also heard of my uncle, too. Luke Skywalker, ring a bell? Lead guitarist of the Order, in case you didn’t know" he said bitterly, as if the names were poison. Rey could only stare at him.

"Damn, enough with the name dropping," she muttered. She could only wonder how someone so well-connected wanted to be so anonymous. "Jesus, your whole family are legends."

Ben pursed his lips, clearly irked by her awesome expression. "I know," he said tightly. He had put both of his hands back on the wheel, knuckled clenched tightly around it, as if he were trying to anchor himself to it. This was clearly a source of discomfort for him, so Rey kept quiet, not wanting him to accidentally drive into a tree or something. 

They kept quiet for a few minutes. Ben kept his eyes on the road while Rey stared out of the window, watching the derelict, run-down houses of the Niima district morph into the much cleaner streets of the inner city. She rested her cheek against the window, startlingly cold compared to the heat being blasted against her inside the car.    
  


"Are you excited?" she asked him. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him turn his head slightly to look at her. His brows were drawn together in confusion. "For the baby," she clarified. 

He nodded stiffly. "I suppose I am," he replied, his voice almost mechanical. "Isn't every parent supposed to be?" He turned his eyes back to the road.

"Not me," Rey whispered. She hoped that he wouldn't hear her, but his eyes flickered over to her again for a split second. He didn't say anything, thankfully.

* * *

 

Rey instantly took a liking to Doctor Pava. She was young, probably only a couple of years older than Rey, but she exuded a sort of comforting confidence that put Rey at ease. Her examination room wasn't as sterile and cold as Doctor Hux's. The walls were painted a cheerful orange, though not a shade bright enough to be garish. Framed photos of the doctor and her family lined the walls, interspersing the large diagrams depicting foetal growth and food charts and other doctor-y stuff that Rey didn't really pay attention to. 

She was alone, Ben having run off a couple of minutes before the appointment to go deal with some 'important stuff', whatever that meant. So she was alone, lying down with her shirt pulled up halfway up her chest and cold gel on her stomach. Rey glanced at the door again, waiting for him to burst in at any minute.

"C'mon, it's not so bad, is it?" Dr. Pava laughed. 

"Huh?" Rey tore her eyes away from the door. 

Dr. Pava leaned in conspiratorially. "You look like you're going to dash out of here or something."

Rey smiled half-heartedly. "It's just..."

"Pretty scary, right?" Dr. Pava supplied. "I mean, being a single mom can be really hard. But I've met so many women, even younger than you, who are just so strong, you know? But you are, too, I think. Call it... doctorly intuition. You'll have no trouble raising this kid, lemme tell you that." She grinned reassuringly and patted Rey's hand as if to say  _ 'calm down'. _

Rey nodded and let out a shaky breath. Dr. Pava held up the probe and looked at her questioningly, silently asking for the go-ahead. "Ready when you are," Rey said with a still slightly-nervous smile. The probe felt like a block of ice on her stomach, and she shivered involuntarily from the unpleasant sensation of it against her skin. She glanced up at the black and white image of her womb, trying to discern something. All she saw was a mess of lines, a little blob of white here, another there. Nothing that she could recognise. 

"Hmm."

Rey's heart almost burst out of her chest at that little noise.  _ Hmm? What does that mean? _  , she thought, her palms starting to sweat. She felt panicky all of a sudden. 

"Hmm."   
  


_ Oh god. Another one,  _ she thought.  _ What do they even mean? _

Rey opened her mouth to speak, but in that exact moment, the door decided to fly open. Dr. Pava jumped in her seat and Rey almost rolled out of the examination chair. Ben stood in the doorway, hunched over and out of breath. 

"What in-" Dr. Pava began.

Ben's hand shot up, index finger raised as if to shush her. Her mouth clamped shut immediately. After what seemed like hours, Ben straightened up, chest still heaving ever so slightly. 

"Is there anything I can help you with, Dr. Solo?" Dr. Pava asked icily. "I hope you know that you're interrupting a very important appointment. What do you need?"

"Actually, he's here with me," Rey piped up. Dr. Pava turned to her with barely hidden surprise. Her eyebrows raised so much that they seemed to disappear into her hairline. 

"He's the- You mean- He's the father?" she managed to splutter.

Ben, who at this point had made his way next to Rey, replied, "Yep."

Rey went red with embarrassment and tried to hide her face in the crook of her neck. "Jesus Christ, just kill me, please," she groaned. She was going to die today. Cause of death: Mortification.

"Okay," Dr. Pava said simply. "Alright. So. So..."

"It would be helpful if you told us what you're seeing," Ben interjected sarcastically. Dr. Pava shot him a dirty look, radiating contempt. 

"Here, you can clearly see that there are two amniotic sacs," she said briskly, pointing up at the image of fuzz on the screen. Rey squinted at it, trying to spot what she was pointing out. Dr. Pava looked up at the screen. "Oh, sorry, probe slipped." She moved the probe slightly to the left, and Rey could now make up two little black spots with two smaller white splodges inside of them. "As Dr. Solo can probably tell you, two sacs means-"   
  


"Twins." Ben gulped. "We're having twins."

All the blood seemed to rush out of Rey's head. Her vision went dark for a minute, and she could hear her heart thumping deafeningly in her ears. She blinked a couple of times to recalibrate, but she still felt a little dazed and fuzzy. She looked up at Ben. 

"I am going to fucking kill you."

* * *

 

Ben's office was much more cluttered than she would have expected. Sheets of paper were strewn across his desk, pens scattered everywhere, lids long since lost. The blinds had been drawn shut when they first came in, but Ben had quickly opened them. Cold winter light was now streaming in, little dust particles floating around in the rays. 

Ben sat in his chair, feet propped up on his desk and with one arm across his eyes. "Dammit, how could this happen," he spat out. "This shouldn't have happened. This is bullshit. God, I didn't even think about this. I should've, to be honest. Twins run in the family."

Rey sipped at the now-lukewarm cup of tea he had provided her on their way to his office. The bitter taste sent her stomach into gymnast-mode, coiling up and flipping around in protest at the foul taste. She set it aside, having to clear a little space amongst the mountains of paperwork cluttering up his desk. "I'm sorry I over-reacted," she said quietly. "I won't really kill you, if that makes you feel any better."

"Oh, yeah, that really clears my conscience," he snarked back. "Thanks for not killing me because I accidentally impregnated you with twins."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Listen," she said, slamming a fist on the desk. Ben lifted his arm away from his eyes a little and peered down at her. "I'm sick and tired of your attitude, okay? I mean, yeah, sure, sometimes you can be mature and helpful and shit, but then other times you act like a complete baby! Don't fucking interrupt me, I'm still speaking." She glared at him until he shut his mouth. He sat up straight in his chair, now serious. "I'm pissed, yeah. I'm still young, completely out of my depths, and I appreciate you wanting to help, but if that means making these pathetic emo comments about how nothing is fair and that whatever happened shouldn't have happened, I don't want your help. Because, newsflash, I'm still pregnant, and we still have a shit-ton of problems we have to deal with, and being a whiny little bitch about it won't help. So put on your big boy pants and suck it the fuck up, alright?" Rey was breathing heavily, nostrils flared. She could see the surprise in Ben's eyes at her outburst, and a little glimmer of pride fizzed inside her chest. 

"Do you understand, or do I have to repeat myself?" she snapped, standing up and towering over Ben. He scrambled about, removing his feet from the desk and looking up at her with an almost pitiful look. She raised an eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. "Seriously, Ben, you've got to answer me at some point!"

Ben laughed. Actually laughed. Not just a small chuckle, but a full-bodied, shoulder-shaking, doubled-over-in-mirth kind of a laugh. 

_ That's it,  _ Rey thought to herself, exasperated.  _ He's cracked. He's gone mad. _

"What the hell is so funny, Ben?" she asked, reaching over and shaking his shoulders. He shook his head, still laughing, although it had reduced to a much more tolerable silent laugh with minimal body movement.

"You sound like my mother," he managed to get out. Rey frowned in confusion. 

"What has that got to do with anything?" she asked him, her anger abating. Ben brushed away the last of his tears and looked Rey dead in the eyes.

"You sound like my mother," he said again. " _ A _  mother, whatever. But still. You sound like a mother."

Oh. 

Oh.

Ben gave her a smile, one that wouldn't be so reassuring if she knew that he didn't smile much while sober. He squeezed her shoulders lightly.

"We're going to be fine," he said. Rey nodded, closing her eyes. She bowed her head down wearily, too tired to do much else. Ben leaned forward too, and their foreheads rested against each other. She could feel his breath on her skin. His nose almost touched hers. Heat radiated off of him in waves, comforting her.  "We're gonna be just fine.” 

"We're going to be fine," she repeated. "We're gonna be just fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello yes, this was the chapter. Hope you enjoyed. A thousand thanks to my beta, ZiaLisa, who is, as the kool kids say, the bomb dot com. 
> 
> Happy holidays and g'bye, ya trashbirds. I mean that in a nice way :)
> 
> Note: Tiger iron is a gemstone  
> Another Note: Roast me, bitches. (No really, you guys are too nice. Your criticism fuels my determination to come out with good chapters, so it's a win-win situation.)  
> ANOTHER NOTE: I'm thinking of changing the name of this fic. Any suggestions are welcome! (Because let's be honest, it sounds like a really cheesy 2000's rom-com and I don't really think that's a good look)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKYOUYOUGUYSOMFGYOURETHEBEST LIKE oWo the comments I've gotten are so sweet! And I don't know about anyone else but having 3700+ people read my work is KIND OF unbelievable!
> 
> Anyway, there's mention of past child abuse in this chapter, hence the added tag, so if you're in any way sensitive to that, be warned.
> 
> And another great big thanks to my beta reader, ZiaLisa!

"That's one," Rey says, pointing out one of the twins on the ultrasound picture. "I call him Nugget One."  
  
Finn laughed, and the mattress heaved and groaned with the movement. He snatched the picture from her hands and rolled over, holding it up to the light as if he were looking for a secret message. "And the other one?" he asked sarcastically. "No, wait, let me guess... Nugget Two?"  
  
"How on earth did you guess that?" she asked him, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth as if she was shocked. She snatched the slip of glossy paper back from Finn and slipped it back into a small envelope. She shuffled over to the edge of the bed and slipped it back into her backpack, making sure not to crumple it. With a faint smile, she continued, "They've gotten a lot bigger since last time. About two inches now."  
  
"You sound happy," Finn said, giving Rey's shoulder a light punch. "And domestic. So domestic it almost hurts. Never thought I'd see the day." He pretended to wipe away tears, which earned him a deft kick in the calf. He grunted in pain, shooting Rey a look of betrayal. She raised her brows at him in a 'what you gonna do' kind of way. They held their stares for a minute but quickly fell into a fit of barely suppressed snorts of laughter.  
  
Rey's phone buzzed, announcing an incoming text. She rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. Only one person could be texting her at this hour. She yanked it out of her back pocket and quickly read it.  
_  
**Ben:** Are you okay? The offer still stands, just in case you changed your mind. _  
  
He had been badgering her about moving in with him since the day after the first appointment they had gone to together. It was subtle at first; when she complained about how her neighbours were too noisy, he had slid in with a crafty 'My neighbours aren't noisy.'  
  
She had turned the offer down, of course. Over everything else, Rey valued her independence. She'd had to bear the weight of all her burdens before he came along, and she could continue doing so even if he didn't think that she could. She didn't want to rely on him more than necessary. Ben had already pre-paid for all of her future appointments- something that he didn't tell her until almost a week later, much to her annoyance- as well as trying to get her to go with him to pick out 'the essentials', whatever that meant. Rey could tolerate him barging into her apartment every week or so to pick her up, but he was perilously close to crossing the line into death-worthy irritation.  
  
"Is it Plutt again?" Finn asked her upon hearing her vexed huff. "I heard he's been giving his other tenants some trouble."  
  
"No," she mumbled. "It's Ben. He's still trying to get me to move in with him. I'm going to tell him no." She quickly tapped out a terse text, a simple 'No' that should hopefully help him get the hint. Before she could hit send, her phone was yanked out of her hands. She cried out in protest, stretching up to try and grab it back but he held it above his head, just out of her reach. Beside her, Finn snorted. Rey shot him a venomous glare.  
  
Poe swaggered over to the window with Rey’s phone in his hand, leaning back insolently on the frame with a maddening smirk on his face. "You're being an idiot," he said to Rey, completely seriously. Rey gaped at him, mouth open in disbelief. A small sound came out, but Poe quickly silenced her, raising his index finger and making shushing noises. "You don't turn down a sugar daddy," he lectured her.  
  
"He's not my sugar daddy!" Rey said with an uncomfortable laugh.  
  
Poe rolled his eyes. "Okay, do you even know how ridiculous you sound? Of course he's your goddamned sugar daddy. Maybe not on purpose, but he still is. Let's review the points, why don't we?" He stretched out his arms, cracking and flexing his fingers. He raised one of them. "One, he got you pregnant. Classic sugar daddy trope." Another finger came up. "Two, he's probably filthy rich. I've never met a poor neurosurgeon, have you?"  
  
"You've never met any kind of neurosurgeon," Rey pointed out with a raised eyebrow. She didn't like where this was going.  
  
"It doesn't matter, but he's rich, end of conversation," he dismissed with a flippant wave. "You can’t turn him down, not in this economy! Anyway, point three: he's offering you a place to live! I swear, if I were you, I'd be jumping all over that. And him. Maybe that'd prolong the support, eh?" He waggled his eyebrows bawdily.  
Finn coughed pointedly and Poe instantly reddened. "Sorry, sweetie," he apologised almost meekly. Finn let out a half-satisfied 'hmph' in reply, but Rey could hear the humor in it.  
  
Poe tossed the phone back to her and she caught it, creating a wall with one arm so that he couldn't get to it again. "I'm not going to 'jump all over it', as you so eloquently put," she said. "I have more dignity than that."  
  
He sighed in disappointment, dramatically sagging against the wall. "Ah, like Cassandra, I am scorned! Mere mortal, heed my words, I implore you." A pillow went flying at him and he quickly raised his arms up to protect his face.  
  
"Shut up, Shakespeare," Finn hollered. "Or I'll pull a Brutus."  
  
"Kinky."  
  
Finn pursed his lips. "No. Not kinky. Fatal."  
  
"Fatally kinky." Poe slunk over to his boyfriend, getting down on his knees to come face-to-face with him. He gave him a quick peck on the lips that turned Finn red and caused Rey to roll her eyes at her friends' utter lovesickness. Poe gave him another kiss, this one longer, before pulling away and resting his forehead on Finn's. "I love you," he murmured softly, a smile tugging at his lips. "A lot."  
  
"Me too, flyboy," Finn replied.  
  
Rey made retching noises, causing both of them to look over with semi-apologetic grins. "Seriously, I'm right here. I'm getting a toothache just watching you," she said jokingly.  
  
"Get your sugar daddy to pay for the dentist appointment," Poe remarked. Rey's hand darted out and gave him a sharp thwack on the shoulder. He fell backward, clutching his injured appendage. "I've been shot!" he cried out in anguish. "Someone call the ambulance! Don't worry about the expenses, I'm sure Ben'll take care of it."  
  
"Poe, I'm about five seconds away from-"  
  
Poe held up his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright. Violent woman. Anyway, I've gotta go out and run some errands." He pushed himself off of the ground and strode out of the room. "See you in a few," he called over his shoulder.  
  
Finn sighed and rested his head on his folded arms. "He's such a pain sometimes," he grumbled good-naturedly. "I don't know why I put up with him." A shit-eating grin appeared on his face as he looked out through the door, staring at Poe as he flitted around the apartment looking for the keys. He found them in the fruit bowl and held them up with a triumphant exclamation. He slipped out of the apartment, Finn' eyes still trained on him until the door snicked shut.  
  
Rey's heart tightened as she stared at her friend. She could never imagine looking at anyone the way Finn looked at Poe. They were so completely in love that it seemed like something out of a fairy tale. She didn't begrudge them for it- their happiness was as important to her as her own- but it made her feel lonely. Her own love life was a complete flop, and she felt slightly disappointed in herself whenever she saw them. As if it were solely her fault that she couldn't maintain any meaningful romantic relationships, or that she hadn't found The One yet.  
She rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. Finn and Poe had put up glow-in-the-dark stars, which should have been laughable but instead was just downright adorable. Poe was probably the biggest space geek in the world. She recognised a few constellations: Andromeda, Gemini, and Perseus. The rest of them eluded her. There were too many to remember, anyway.  
  
Rey’s hand strayed down to her abdomen. Her thumb had started to trace little circles over her shirt. She stilled it, letting it rest over the slight curvature of her stomach. The bump was just beginning to become noticeable even through her usually baggy attire. She couldn't imagine getting any bigger- she'd always been unhealthily thin, thanks to years of malnutrition in her foster homes- and to think that she could get to the point where she wouldn't even be able to see her feet seemed impossible to her.  
She thought of her own childhood, a topic that usually left a foul taste in her mouth and an unhealthy amount of self-pity brewing in her mind. Rey couldn't count the number of days where she went hungry or had to wear old, ratty clothes because her foster parents refused to get new ones.  
Their lives will be better than that, she thought vehemently to herself. She'd do whatever it took to give them everything she never had. A loving home, a good education. Maybe even parents who got along, if she could somehow get over her occasional unease around Ben.  
  
"Do you think Poe's right?" she asked Finn without looking at him.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"About Ben. Not about the sugar daddy part, but about agreeing to live with him, I mean."  
  
Finn made a noncommittal noise. "I don't know. You just do you, peanut."  
  
Rey bit her lip, mulling over the decision for a minute longer. "Ah, fuck it," she muttered, grabbing her phone from underneath her. She went to her contacts list, clicked on Ben's number and was deciding on what to write when she saw that a message had already been sent from her in reply.  
**  
_Rey:_ ** _Alright, fine._ _Picck me up tmrrw, half seven?_ **  
**  
She let out a loud swear, scrambling upright. Goddammit, Poe, she thought savagely. She was about to type in another message to retract the one that Poe had somehow sent in the ten seconds he had had his hands on her phone when the text bubbles showed up. Her fingers halted, waiting for what he was about to say.  
  
Ben: Great. Your room is ready. Is there anything you need that you think I might have forgotten?  
  
Rey hovered over the keys for a minute, mind torn as to what to do. She could say that it was a mistake, take it all back, but she'd feel guilty. He already had a room made for her, for god's sake! She cursed Poe one last time before replying.  
  
_**Rey:** No, nothinf  
  
**Rey:**  thanks, again. You've already done so much.  
  
**Ben** :  It's the least I could do. _  
  
The least he could do. Rey scoffed. It was more than she would have expected from any other guy. At least she had the good sense to pick a chivalrous father for the twins.  
  
"Hey, why do you think Poe went out?" Finn suddenly asked her. "We just went shopping and there's nothing to pick up from the laundromat."  
  
"I dunno," Rey answered, collapsing back onto the bed. She turned her head slightly, cheek resting on the soft duvet, to look at him.  Her phone vibrated again and she brought it up to her face in a flash, expecting another message from Ben. But it wasn't. She unlocked it and read the text.  
_  
**Poe:**  Hey, do you wanna take these weird lil glass things with u or should i take them down to the thrift store?  
**  
** **Poe:**  :D iloveyoudontkillme :D _  
  
Rey barely contained a shriek. She tapped Finn, who was now engrossed in his phone. He looked up. "We have got to get a leash for your boyfriend," she said, closing her eyes in disbelief.

 

* * *

  
  
"Holy shit. This is an apartment?" Rey gaped at the massive room in front of her, one Ben had called 'just the living room'. Well, it was probably big enough to fit her old apartment in- twice. "You live in a freakin' palace, Mr. Solo."  
  
"Not really," he called down the corridor. He had three boxes of her things in his arms, all stacked precariously on top of each other. Rey was carrying the other two. She supposed that she should follow him and find her room, but the sheer size and evident opulence of the apartment had sidetracked her from her job. She wondered how anyone could live here and not be amazed by it. She finally tore herself away and rushed after Ben.  
There was only one door open, leading to an empty room with a large bed in the middle and a desk pushed up against one wall. A large window illuminated the room, washing it in rosy gold light. A door, slightly ajar, was set on one side, presumably to an en-suite. Rey set the boxes down in the middle of the room and half-skipped towards it. Her jaw dropped when she saw that it wasn't actually a bathroom, but a closet. Ben was just setting down the boxes he was carrying when she burst in. He looked up and gave her a small grin.  
  
"Do you like it?" he asked her. "I thought that you'd be more comfortable in the smaller guest room."  
  
Rey rolled her eyes and made a face. "Are you serious?" she laughed humourlessly. "Goddammit, all you rich people are so... nevermind. I could fit my entire apartment in this room! Why would I ever need this much room for clothes?"  
  
"You'll fill it up, don't worry," he told her, pushing past her to get back to the bedroom.  
  
"Yeah, I don't really think I will. I don't see why anyone needs fifty pairs of socks or seventy shirts. I get on just fine with what I have." She followed him out, almost crashing into him when he stopped just a foot from the doorway. He turned around to face her.  
  
"So, this is it," he said. "Make yourself at home. If you need anything, just holler. It's a big house."  
  
"Oh, I noticed," she said, raising her brows. She eyed the bed behind him, imagining just how soft it would be. "Anyway, I'm really tired. Had to take the three o'clock shift today. See you later?"  
  
"You're still working?" he asked her, aghast. "But- you're pregnant! You shouldn't be out doing god-knows-what."  
  
Rey rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. I'm gonna quit in a couple of months, but I can't just lounge around all day like some uppity princess."  
  
"I don't like it," he grumbled.  
  
"Well, I'm a modern woman. I can handle myself," she retorted.  
  
"Fine. But six weeks, max. Then you're quitting."  
  
"Yeah, yeah sure. Now let me sleep, that bed looks like it was made for the gods," she laughed, pushing him out of the way playfully. He gave her a strange look, probably thinking something along the lines of 'peasant', and left, still muttering under his breath. She smiled wickedly and ran up to the bed, leaping onto it and landing in a 'fwoop' of pillows and blankets. She was positively drowning in it.  
  
"I don't think I've ever been happier in my life," she groaned, huddling into the blankets. She grabbed her phone out and quickly sent a text to Poe.  
_**  
** **Rey:** I am in heaven. rich people have the best beds. thnak you wise master for making this amazzing decision _

_  
**Poe:** You know what people do in beds? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _

_  
**Rey:** please dont, poe. dont ruin my heaven with your non-sexy sexiness _

_  
**Poe:** Sleep. get yer mind outta the gutter, rey _

_  
**Rey:** I hate u _

_  
**Poe:** I got u a goddess bed _

_  
**Rey:** true. still hate u tho. now go away i want to sleep _

_  
**Poe:** Im wounded_  
  
Rey grinned and carefully placed her phone on the ground. She removed her shirt and jeans, leaving her in just a ratty old tank top and her underwear. She tossed those onto the ground as well and snuggled back into the pile of blankets piled up on the bed. She watched the sun dip down under the horizon, warm and tired, until she finally dozed off.

* * *

  
  
_"No! No, please don't!"_  
_A harsh crack. Searing hot pain on her cheek. Pain rippling through her body. A small gasp escaped her, quickly tamped down by the knowledge that any sound would just earn her more pain. Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over at any second. She looked up at the white fluorescent light, hoping that it would take away the tears._  
  
_"What did I tell you about coming in here?" a voice snapped, familiar and yet unrecognisable. "You little bitch, go back to your room before I kill you!"_  
  
_She backed away, shrinking into herself until she was curled up in a ball on the ground. Her stomach hurt even though it's her arms and back that receive most of the strikes. It flips and turns, desperate to get out until she can't take it anymore. What little food she got for dinner comes up again, splattering across the cold, dirty concrete. The tears were running freely now, mingling with the foul-smelling bile now pooled on the ground._  
  
_"Are you fucking kidding me?"_  
  
_The slaps became punches, and they came quicker now. Her bones ached with the force of the blows, intensifying as they start kicking. Pointed shoes dug in between her ribs, sending white-hot jolts of pain coursing through her tiny, broken body. She didn't try to bite back her cries of pain now. They rang through the room, high and keening, impossible not to hear, even through the static._  
  
_Her mind fogged over, dulling the pain little by little until it's nothing but a dull ache in her heart. She held herself together tighter, as if scared that she would fall apart._  
  
_Crack._  
  
_More pain. It was getting hotter again. It felt as though she' was burning up from the inside, fire running through her veins and consuming everything. She could feel the fists on her back, the kicks catching her just underneath the ribs. It' was unbearable, the pain reaching a crux, getting higher and higher, worse and worse. She was breaking, shattering like glass. Not just her body but her mind, too._  
_And then it stops. They stop the beating. The pain ebbed away, not completely but enough for her to start breathing again._  
  
_"If I ever catch you in here again, I'm not going to stop!"_  
  
_Eyes. Glazed over, murky hazel, filled with anger. Familiar. Mama._

* * *

 

Rey woke screaming, cheeks already wet with tears. Her heart feels as though it's about to leap out of her chest. She drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her shaking arms around them, burying her head in between them. Shuddering sobs tore out of her, loud in the utter silence of the room. Rey squeezed her eyes shut, as if closing them would take away the pain of the nightmare.  
  
"One, two-"  
  
"Rey, are you-"  
  
"Three, four-"  
  
"-alright, I heard you-"  
  
"Five, six, seven, eigh-"  
  
"Rey!"  
  
Her head jerked up, eyes flying open. There was enough moonlight streaming through the window for her to make out what was happening. Ben was kneeling in front of her on the bed, hands on her shoulders. His hair was messy, going this way and that, and his eyes were just as wild.  
Hands. On her. She scrambled away from him, hitting the backboard of the bed. "S-s-stay aw-way," she managed to stutter. "P-please."  
  
He nodded slowly, raising his hands in a show of compliance. He backs away one inch at a time. "I'm just going to sit here with you for a few minutes, if you don't mind," he murmured softly.  
  
Rey nodded, still crazed with fear and shock. She rocked back and forth like a child, arms locked tightly around her body. Her mantra droned on inside her mind, trying to calm her down.  
  
_One, two, three, four-_  
  
She couldn't remember the last time she had one of those nightmares. At least five years. Not since college. It had crept up on her, somehow worming its way back into her dreams without her realising it.  
  
_-five, six, seven-_  
  
They were some of the only memories she had of her mother. They were all she had of her real family, nightmares of terror and pain.  
  
_-eight, nine, ten._  
  
They hurt. But she kept them. She didn't know why, but she did. None of the shrinks could get rid of them, no matter how many pills they made her take, no matter how many times they tried to 'fix' her.  
  
_One, two-_  
  
"Rey."  
  
"What?"  
  
She heard a creak, the sound of fabric rubbing against each other. "Tell me what happened."  
  
She shook her head forcefully, causing the headache that was beginning to brew to intensify. "Nightmare. That's it. Just a nightmare," she muttered dully.  
  
Ben laughed harshly. "Nightmare, my ass. I'm a doctor, I'm not fucking stupid." He scooted closer to her and reached out a hand. Rey involuntarily shirked away from it, wincing at the thought of him putting it on her. "I'm not going to touch you," he told her, his voice quiet and soothing. "Just... talk to me, alright?"  
  
She nodded jerkily. He was looking her dead in the eye, sending waves of discomfort through her. Her eyes shifted around, never settling on one place longer than a few seconds. She cleared her throat pointedly, coughing at least five times in order to delay the inevitable.  
  
"My mother," she stated, devoid of any sort of emotion. "I dreamed about my mother. She used to..."  
  
"Used to what?"  
  
She stayed silent. Her mind screamed the words, furiously hurling them at her.  
 _She beat me, slapped me, kicked me, whipped me. Abused me. Abused me, treated me like a dog. Wanted to kill me, would've killed me if she could. She held a_ kn _-_  
  
"She wasn't a nice woman," Rey finally said. "Not by anyone's standards."  
  
Ben raised an eyebrow. She knew that this wasn't the answer he wanted, but she didn't really want to tell him. Not just yet, anyway. But he accepted it, nodding knowingly in that doctor-y kind of way. "I don't think that's a very adequate description of her," he said dryly, crossing his arms over his bare chest. Rey barely registered this, continuing to evade eye contact.  
  
"She wasn't nice to me," she repeated in a whisper. "Not nice at all. You could even call her-"  
  
Say the word, Rey's mind urged her. _Evil, the devil, despicable, bitch, call it as it is._  
  
"You could even call her... call her..." A lump was beginning to form in her throat, as if her body were having a physical reaction to her wanting to say it. Her airway contracted, leaving her gasping for breath. Ben rose up to help her but she waved him back down, panting hard. Her fingers dug into the soft flesh of her palms, leaving little crescent moon indents on the skin. She knew that there would be blood there when she looked.  
  
"You don't have to say it if you don't want to," Ben told her. She nodded once, a small bob of the head that he would have missed if he wasn't paying as close attention as he was.  
  
"I want to. I just can't. It's like..."  
  
"Like your body won't let you?" he supplied. She looked up at him, trying her best not to drop his gaze. His eyes were clear, burning into her with intention and resolve. He blinked once, a deliberate move that Rey assumed was supposed to reassure her.  
  
"Yes," she said. "My throat..." She made vague gestures around her throat, tightening her hand into a fist. Ben nodded in that strange, solemn way again. She could almost imagine him sitting in an armchair across from her, taking useless little notes on what she said. She snorted at the picture. She slapped a hand over her mouth just after the sound escaped.  
  
Ben looked at her, almost as shocked as she was. "Was that... a snort?" he asked her incredulously. "I mean, a little strange, but whatever calms you down, I suppose."  
  
She nodded, eyes wide. Stopped. Laughed again. She couldn't stop it. She shut her eyes and tried to control it, forcing them down like she used to do to her screams. At that thought, she sobered instantly.  
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "It's been a long time since the last one. Not since I was about twenty."  
  
"Do you think you'll be fine now?" he asked her, eyebrows drawn together in concern. "I can get you some Nyquil or something, if you want. Or just some water."  
  
"I'm fine," she said with a shake of her head. "I just- can you-" She blushed and ducked her head down.  
  
"Can I what?"  
  
"Stay with me," she blurted. "It was just about the only thing that worked. That's why I never had an empty bed in college. I could never quite manage to fall asleep alone."  
  
Ben stilled for a minute. The sound of their breathing filled the room, awkwardly loud. "Alright. But tell me what I can and can't do. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."  
  
Rey held out a hand, urging him to take it. He did, and she pulled him closer. They were face-to-face now. Rey reached a hand up to cup his cheek. He leaned into it slightly, his eyes fluttering shut.  
  
"Lie down there," she ordered softly. He complied, leaning backwards until his head hit the pile of pillows stacked at the head of the bed. His eyes were still shut, a wayward lock of hair settling over them. Rey brushed it away tenderly, tucking it behind his ear. She settled down next to him, burying her head in the crook of his neck. Heat radiated off of him. If it weren't for the fact that it was winter, it would have been unbearable.  
  
"Arms around me."  
  
He gingerly wrapped his arms around her, treating her as if she were a china doll. She smiled at the thought. "G'night," she murmured onto his skin. He grunted something back in reply but she was already too out of it to listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have reached the angst train. I'm ever so sorry but the fluff can't last forever :/  
> T'was nice while it lasted.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK BACK BACK  
> BACK AGAIN  
> dis bitch
> 
> I'm so sorry for the 4 weeks of not uploading- there's been a medical emergency in the family that's been occupying a lot of time and energy. 
> 
> This is an un-betaed (Is that how you spell it?) chapter, so it might be complete bantha fodder, BUT PUT UP WITH IT I HAVE SOME FREE TIME TODAY AND I PLAN ON USING IT
> 
> So... enjoy?

If there was one thing Rey needed at this exact minute, it was duct tape. Duct tape and rope, actually. Apparently pregnant women couldn’t work, and apparently, everyone had to say something about it. Rey was about two seconds away from knocking them over the head and throwing them into the basement.

“I’ve got it, honestly,” she huffed as she dragged a crate of assorted wrenches and drill bits into the corner of the garage, her muscles straining with the effort. Rose and San Tekka just stared at her with doubting looks in their eyes. Rose looked as though she was ready to tackle Rey and drag her to the lumpy armchair in the staff room.

“You didn’t have to come into work today, Rey,” San Tekka said softly, his wrinkled skin pulling into a frown. Rey rolled her eyes.

“I’m pregnant, not a cripple,” she told him as she straightened up. A trickle of sweat ran down her forehead, and she swiped it away. Her chest heaved for air, lungs burning. Rey relished the pain; it distracted her from the turmoil of her mind. “Now stop staring.  _I’m_   _fine._ ”

Rey stalked across the room, brushing past the two of them as she did so. She picked up another box, this one full of spare engine parts, and swivelled around. She could hear them mutter to each other, but ignored them. She had to work. Rey had food to buy, rent to pay. Even though she’d moved in with stupid Ben Solo in his stupid apartment, she didn’t want to give up her old one, as shitty as it was.

 _It’s not_ that  _bad,_ she thought viciously, recalling Ben’s words about her place. Fuck Ben. He could think whatever he wanted. Rey didn’t care. That pompous bastard probably thought she was some weird, crazy slut now, with what had happened last night.

_“Stay with me. It was just about the only thing that worked. That's why I never had an empty bed in college.”_

Possibly the most idiotic sentence she’d ever uttered in her life. Ben Solo was practically a stranger. He just happened to be a stranger who impregnated her. People didn’t just go around telling other random people their tragic backstories. In Rey’s opinion, “ _Hey, I’m Rey! I was abused by my mother before she abandoned me and stuck me into the system. How about you?”_ wasn’t exactly the best way to begin any kind of relationship.

She didn’t even know how he had gotten it out of her. It took her almost two years to tell Finn, and just over three to tell Poe. Rey didn’t even know Ben had existed up until four months ago, and now she was spilling her proverbial guts to him. About her mother, about her college bedroom habits. Next thing she knew, she would be telling him her deepest fears and most desperate desires.

It was probably the bed. All those pillows messed up her mind.

“Fuck Ben Solo,” she muttered under her breath, kicking a nearby box. The cardboard dented inwards with the force of her blow.

“Who’s Ben Solo?” Rose asked her. Rey jumped, not noticing that she was right beside her.

Rey’s face flamed. “No one,” she blurted out quickly. “Someone I met. Not important. An asshole. An  _unimportant asshole_.”

Rose snorted. “Yeah, okay, whatever you say.” She attempted to flip her dark hair over her shoulder and inspected her nails, picking out the dirt and dust that had collected underneath them. “You know, you’ve never told me who the father is,” she drawled. She stared at Rey pointedly. “I don’t suppose that this ‘Ben Solo’ who you very vehemently want to fuck is-”

“Fuck  _over,_ ” Rey corrected her quickly, giving Rose’s shoulder a sharp slap. Rose just rolled her eyes and gave Rey a small shove in return.

“Fine. Ben Solo who you want to fuck over the sound of smooth, smooth jazz-”

“Rose, I will kill you.”

“Smooth jazz, Rey.” She made an Italian chef gesture, kissing her fingers obnoxiously. “You know you want to.”

“I don’t,” she ground out.

“Well you must have at some point,” Rose laughed, looking down pointedly at Rey’s stomach, the rapidly growing curvature of her pregnancy barely hidden by the worn, oversized hoodie she was wearing. Rey’s hands wrapped defensively around her midsection in a futile attempt to shield it from Rose’s view.

Rose gave Rey’s arm a quick, reassuring little squeeze. “I’m just kidding with you. Chill, alright? It’s not good for the baby.”

“And you would know this because…” Rey asked questioningly. She doubted that her co-worker knew anything about pre-natal care.

“My sister’s girlfriend is an OB,” she said. “She loves her job, tells me everything about it whenever she’s over. Oh, speaking of, she told me a freaking unbelievable story the other day.” A mad glint appeared in Rose’s eyes. “So, okay, there’s this asshole surgeon where she works, right? Apparently, he’s a  _total_ drama queen; he once broke a window or something because someone stole his fancy calligraphy pen. And like, the higher ups can’t fire him because he’s the best surgeon they have or something.”

“What’s his name?” Rey asked, amused. She was engrossed in the story, Rose’s enthusiastic gesticulations making it all the more entertaining.

Rose shrugged. “I dunno. Jessika always just calls him ‘Lord Ren’.”

“Lord Ren?”

“Well, ‘Lord’ because he’s a royal pain in the ass, and ‘Ren’ stands for ‘rude emo nerfherder’,” she explained with a grin. Rey snorted.

“Anyways, so ‘Lord Ren of the First Order’ knocked up some chick. The whole hospital was freaking the heck out! I mean, Jessika says that she didn’t even think he could get close to a girl, but then he goes and gets one pregnant. It’s like the Immaculate Conception! And, like, Jessika’s her OB, right- you know, the girl he knocked up- so he literally burst into her room without explanation, all ‘show me my waifu’ style, like that whole alpha-male kind of thing, you know, and it was  _so_ awkward for Jess because she hates his guts, and his girlfriend pulled a Dr. Phil moment, like ‘ _He_ is  _the father!’_ ”

Realization hit Rey like a freight train. “Rose-” she started, but she was cut off by San Tekka.

“Do I pay you two to gossip?” he hollered from the front. They both whipped around to look at him, meeting his stern stare with abashed looks of their own. They both hurried out, the familiar smell of engine oil and metal hitting Rey as soon as she stepped through the doorway. She was about to pick up her tool belt but a shrill whistle stopped her.

“You’re doing the paperwork today, Rey,” San Tekka ordered. He had on his rare ‘you better do as I say, or else’ face. Rey rolled her eyes.

“You know I’m crap at paperwork,” she said, hoping that it would change his mind. “I’ll just mess everything up.”

“I’d rather have crappy paperwork than a dead baby on my garage floor,” he retorted. 

Rey grumbled to herself as she stalked back into the back room. She dropped into the worn leather swivel chair, breathing a sigh of relief as the aching of her back dimmed. Rey nudged at the stack of papers in distaste, wrinkling her nose. She reluctantly pulled a file off the top and flipped it open. Rows and columns of numbers swam past her eyes. 

"Christ," she muttered, her head falling onto the desk. Rey could feel a migraine forming, a now-familiar dull thudding. She brought her hands up to her head and started to massage her temples. 

Rey hated feeling this useless. She was used to using her hands to make something actually substantial, to fix things, not just sitting behind a desk and tapping away at a keyboard- not that she was even doing that properly. 

She knew that San Tekka meant the best for her, but she had enough over-bearing men in her life as it were. Rey couldn't remember a time when she wasn't constantly being spammed with concerned texts from Finn, Poe, or Ben.

As if on cue, her phone buzzed. She almost didn't pick it up, but the sight of papers in front of her changed her mind. She would rather face the judgement of the three horsemen of the apocalypse than a report on the cost of replacement exhausts or something. 

"Please be Finn, please be Finn," she prayed as she whipped her phone out of her pocket. She let out a curse when she read the name on the screen.

 **_Ben Solo_ ** _has sent you a text._

She opened it, hesitating slightly just before she did.

_**Ben:** Hello, this is Leia Organa-Solo. On behalf of my dimwit asshole of a son, I'd like to invite you to dinner tonight. Can't wait to meet you, Rey._

Rey blinked. 

Fuck.

Leia Organa-Solo had just invited her over for dinner.

As in, the senator.

As in, the mother of the dimwit asshole who had impregnated her.

This was going to be a fun night.

 

* * *

 

 

The door of his office flew open unceremoniously, the handle almost denting the wall as it smashed into it. Ben quickly scrambled into a sitting position, legs hastily flying off of his desk. 

"Ben Solo, how dare you keep secrets from your mother!" 

Leia Organa-Solo, Senator of New York, didn't look to be intimidating at first. Her diminutive stature disguised her steely personality, something she used to her advantage in the political circuit- and as a parenting technique. Ben learned long ago to never underestimate her. It didn't come as a surprise that she had figured out what was going on. In fact, he was surprised that she hadn't figured it out earlier.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied smoothly, training his face into a mask of indifference. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. Goading her was a favourite sport of his, and he had no intention of letting this scene die before it had to. 

Leia scoffed, hands on hips, and rolled her eyes. She somehow managed to peer down her nose to look at Ben. "Don't pretend, Ben. We both know that I can see right through you. I'm not your father."

"I think he would object to you saying that," Ben drawled. 

"He doesn't mind," Leia said. "How do you think we've managed to stay together for so long?"

"Well, I suppose the fact that you basically never spent enough time with each other to fight would help you in that aspect."

Leia gave her son a pointed look, her usually warm brown eyes going sharp. "Don't try and change the subject, kid," she snapped. "Who is she? I want to meet my future daughter-in-law. I can get a reservation at Canto tonight if she doesn't mind."

"Mom, she's not my girlfriend," Ben gritted out.

"We can still go to Canto," she said with a wave of her hand. "Why would you pass up on free bubbly?"

"She can't drink." The words flew out of his mouth before he could stop them. He groaned inwardly as soon as he realized what he'd said. He saw Leia's eyes narrow and her lips purse. "Because she's on a diet," he amended quickly. 

She obviously didn't believe him. "I'm offended that you'd even that I'd ever fall for that bantha shit. You're a dumbass. How did I give birth to you?"

"C-section," Ben shot back. Leia pointed a warning finger at him, eyebrows raised threateningly. 

"I checked her files, Ben. Pregnant?"

Ben frowned at her. "You shouldn't be looking at confidential files," he said. He started to back away when he saw her hands tighten around the handle of her handbag. 

"What are you, my mother?" Leia snarked. She chuckled at her own joke, then frowned. "Wait, I'm supposed to be lecturing you, aren't I?"

Ben shrugged. He didn't want to encourage her but a lecture was inevitable at this point.

Leia cleared her throat. " _How dare you!_  Ben Solo, I thought I'd raised you to not be a complete idiot! How I managed to conceive you is beyond me, truly. You're a good-for-nothing, goddamned piece of shit at times, you know? I'm too old to raise another kid!"

"You won't, mom, calm down," Ben protested, holding out his arms so that she couldn't come any closer to bludgeon him with her bag. Despite this, she somehow managed to weasel her way through.

"I'm-" Whack. "-going-" Whack. "-to-" Whack. "-fucking-" Whack. "-kill you."

Ben yelped in pain as she punctuated every word with a surprisingly forceful wallop. He tried swatting her away like a particularly annoying mosquito but it made no difference. Hell hath no fury like a woman told her idiot son was becoming a father.

“Who even let you in?” Ben grumbled as he cowered in a corner. Leia had relented, her handbag-slash-impromptu weapon on the ground beside her feet. Ben had half a mind to throw it out of the window before she could do any more bodily harm to him.

“Phasma, of course,” Leia scoffed, as if it were a daily occurrence that his cuddly-as-steel assistant would just let random women walk- or rather, storm- into his office. He stared down at his mother, eyes narrowed in a scrutinizing manner. She let nothing past the well-practiced mask she had on. The only semblance of emotion he could see was the mischief glimmering in her eyes. “As soon as she saw the baby photos,” she continued slyly, “she just couldn’t say no.”

That’s it. He was going to die. His dignity had been torn to shreds, unwittingly surrendered to the wolves by his own blood. Knowing Phasma, she’d probably taken photos of it, and then sent it off to Hux, who’d send it off to god-knows how many other people. He’d be the laughing stock of the whole hospital. No one would ever take him seriously again.

Ben fought the urge to flip his desk. Instead, he took a shaky breath, eyes closed. He could feel his nails dig into the soft flesh of his palms, almost hard enough to draw blood. Ben slowly unfurled his fists and reopened his eyes. His mother had moved over to the rarely-used armchair in the corner of the room. An air of calculating curiosity surrounded her.

“Don’t you think that was a bit of an overreaction?” she asked her son. Her eyes were roving up and down, taking in the tense set of his body and the way his temple jumped with every frantic beat of his heart.

He shot Leia a withering look.

“I’m just saying, kid, you-”

“Don’t call me that.” Ben’s voice was quiet, dangerous.

It took only a second to understand Ben’s reaction. “Sorry,” she said softly. She made to stand up but then sat back down, knowing that any attempt at comforting him would just lead to another tantrum. “Anyway, this not-girlfriend of yours… do you think she’d like to come out for dinner? It doesn’t have to be tonight.” Her voice was light and perky, drawing away the suffocating mood of the last couple of minutes.

Ben shook his head. “Tonight’s fine. Just… I don’t know, send her a text or something.” He pointed vaguely at his desk. “Take it, the password’s-”

“Vader, I know,” Leia said as she rifled through his things. She hummed triumphantly when she found it, deftly opening it within five seconds. “Rey, right?” she asked as she scrolled down through his contacts. Ben grunted in confirmation.

She set the phone back down carefully when she was done before turning to face Ben.

“It’s been almost seven years,” she said, leaning back against the desk.

“Six years, nine months, two weeks and four days,” Ben said. He stared down at his mother, heart in his throat. His stomach was roiling as if he were being tossed about on a ship.

“It _wasn’t_ _your fault_ , Ben. Stop beating yourself up over it, for crying out loud!” Leia reached out for her son, clasping a hand around his forearm. Her grip was still iron-strong, even after all the years and hardships she had endured. “Han wouldn’t have wanted it this way! Please, just fucking say something, Ben!”

Ben pried his mother’s fingers off of him. He made his way to his chair, falling into it before resting his head on his desk. He could still feel Leia hovering over him, not knowing what to do anymore. He looked up for just a second, enough time to make eye contact with her. She backed away reluctantly towards the door when it became apparent that he wasn’t going to respond.

“Bring her over to the house tonight. Dinner’s at seven.” She hesitated. And then, “I love you, Ben.”

He heard the door shut with a soft snick. He only raised his head a few minutes later, when he was certain that she was gone.

“Every fucking time,” he muttered in defeat. Apparently, it was impossible for the last two Organa-Solos to have a civil conversation.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t! I just can’t!” Rey flitted around the room in search for something- anything- suitable for dinner with a senator. She spotted a semi-formal blouse that she usually reserved for interviews hanging up and she quickly lunged for it. She yanked it on, causing her hair to fall into her eyes, and inspected herself in the mirror. She groaned in frustration at the image of herself; the blouse was barely decent, struggling to cover up her baby bump- though, at this point, it had become more of a baby mountain.

She hadn’t had to worry about this before. Rey had just presumed that she’d be able to wear her plethora of baggy, oversized shirts for the entirety of the pregnancy, but it appeared that she’d been proven wrong once again. The only thing she thought could possibly pass was a plain white shirt whose design had washed off years ago and a pair of trousers that still fit around her waist thanks to the wonders of elastic. But who on earth would wear that to meet the grandmother of their children?

Rey collapsed into the pile of rumpled clothing that had accumulated against one wall of the room. She grabbed a random shirt and wiped away the tears of frustration that were beginning to form.

“Stupid Rey,” she muttered to herself. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

“I hope you don’t pass it on to our offspring, at least.”

Rey glanced upwards. Ben was leaning against the doorframe, a slight smirk adorning his face. He held a box in one hand, the type that Rey had only ever seen in those movies about rich people buying shit she could never afford in a million years.

“Is that a dress?” she asked him icily. He nodded.

“I didn’t think that you would have anything suitable,” he replied, setting the box down on the floor and kicking it over to her.

She glared at him. “How would you know that? What if I do?”

“You didn’t even have proper curtains in your old place,” Ben said, rolling his eyes. “Put it on and stop complaining. You’re even worse than my mother.”

Rey’s eyes jumped from the white box in front of her to Ben, towering imperiously above her. Even though his face was still set in that smug, self-righteous expression that she absolutely loathed, there was an element of wariness about it. She’d seen it enough times growing up- in the mirror, in the faces of all her foster siblings- to recognize it. His eyes had set into obsidian, leaving him unreadable and cold.

“Are you alright?” she asked him. She could see him tensing up, jaw twitching with the effort of not imploding.

“Of course I am,” he finally replied, voice perfectly level. He glanced down at his wrist. “We should get going soon. It’s almost seven.”

“You’re not wearing a watch,” Rey pointed out with a raised brow. Ben shot her a dirty look.

“You’re not wearing the dress,” he snapped back. He straightened up and brushed down the front of his dress shirt. “I want to get in and out of there as quickly as I can, so put it on and get your ass outside before I throw myself out of a window.”

Almost as suddenly as he came in, he turned on his heel and marched out of the room.

“That doesn’t make me want to hurry up,” Rey muttered to herself as soon as he was gone. Apparently, she hadn’t waited long enough, because an indignant ‘fuck you’ rang down the corridor. She smiled begrudgingly at his expletives before turning her attention to the box in front of her.

Rey crawled forwards, brow furrowing in annoyance at the hindrance he ungainly belly caused. She yanked the top of the box off with a flourish and tossed it aside. Her hands delved through the rather unnecessary layers of tissue covering the dress, searching out the fabric.

“Holy fucking shit,” she whispered as she held it up. She didn’t know much about fashion, but she knew that this dress would have set her back at least a couple thousand bucks.

She shucked off her shirt- now mere rags in comparison- and carefully slipped into the new dress. It took a little bit of contorting, a little bit of discomfort, and a little bit of realizing-that-there-was-actually-a-zipper before she managed to get it on.

Rey inspected herself in the mirror, shocked at what she saw.

The dress was a modest length, hitting mid-calf, but it managed to look alluring all the same, probably attributed to what Rey referred to as the ‘swishiness’ of it. The waistband sat comfortably above her protruding stomach, making it look almost imperceptible from the front. The dress made her look like an entirely different person; elegant, matronly, almost put-together.

She shook her head. _It’s only a dress,_ she thought to herself.

Rey decided that no one would mind if she wore her sneakers. She _was_ pregnant, after all. Denying pregnant women the right to comfortable footwear was the number one cause of death in the city. She slipped on her shoes, awkwardly twisting around her belly to tie the laces, and hurried out into the living room.

Ben sat on the sofa, swiping away at something on his phone. He barely glanced upwards when Rey entered. He jumped up and power-walked to the door, calling behind him for Rey to hurry up. She scowled at his back as he disappeared through the front door.

“Can you calm the fuck down?” she called as she shut the door. Ben was too busy stabbing the lift call button to pay any mind to her. Rey cleared her throat. He whipped his head around to look at her, eyes narrowed in a threatening manner. She snorted at him, momentarily drawing him out of his angsty emo routine. She made her way to his side, standing shoulder to shoulder with him as they waited for the lift.

“I’m nervous about this too,” Rey admitted. She glanced over to gauge his reaction. He was still stone-faced, lips clamped tightly together as if he were afraid that words were going to come spilling out if he didn’t. “I mean, your mother’s an absolute legend, isn’t she? She’s been a senator since she was, what, twenty-five? I’m going to mess up and say something wrong, I bet my life on it.”

“I’m not nervous,” Ben ground out. The doors of the lift slid open and they both stepped in. Ben practically punched the buttons, his pent-up emotions rolling off of him in red-hot waves.

Hesitantly, Rey placed a hand on his arm. He jumped in surprise but slowly relaxed under her touch. She could almost feel his heartbeat slowing down as they descended.

Ben sighed heavily. “Sorry,” he muttered. “Bad day. My mother has a penchant for riling me up.”

“Are you sure you want to go?” Rey asked, her hand now skimming across his back in what she hoped were comforting strokes. “I’m fine with just getting a takeaway.”

“No,” he said with a shake of his head. “We’ll just get it over with. It might not be so bad with you there.”

“Oh?” Rey asked with a slight laugh.

Ben turned to face her, dark eyes burning into her. “It might not be so bad,” he began, “because you’ll be the one getting fed to the sharks.”

Rey swatted his arm, huffing in faux outrage while Ben smirked.

“You’re an asshole,” she told him. A dinging sound rang through the lift and the doors slid open, revealing the almost empty parking lot.

“So I’ve been told.” He sauntered out of the lift, pulling Rey out with him. He pulled his keys out of his pockets with a fluid motion and unlocked his car. He opened the passenger door with a dramatic flourish.

“Hell awaits,” he announced jokingly, though his eyes spoke a different story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK M8S WHAT DOO YA THINK?
> 
> I'll try update sooner than last time (whoops, sorry again for that)  
> and erm... yeup
> 
> Feel free to comment/leave a kudos/bookmark/general (leia lol sorry imma go die now) encouragement for your local shitty trash writer :b
> 
> PS: Also, I have entered the world of tumblr.com my dudes... Idk check it out.  
> http://slittherwolfe.tumblr.com/


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow omg what is this is this a chAPTER!?!?!?!/1/1/1?/1/!QKS 
> 
> apparently.
> 
> I'm awfully sorry for the long delay. There was a medical emergency in my family that took a toll on me mentally. I wasn't in the right place for a long while. I had to take a couple of months off school so I've been playing catch up since then. Understandably, there's been not a lot of time to write. 
> 
> But I'm back now, and I'd like to thank everyone who's still reading this for putting up with my flaky ass. 
> 
> fin.

Rey couldn't help but be a little bit surprised when they pulled up in front of a line of cheerfully painted houses. She'd have expected a successful politician like Leia Organa-Solo to live in some fancy shmancy redbrick in Berkley, not a cozy-looking townhouse just fifteen minutes from where Rey's old apartment had been. It was such a stark contrast from Ben's as well; soft, worn lines where his house was all razor-sharp edges. Unapologetically bright greens and blues and reds to the black and white of Ben's penthouse. It looked like the type of place some wholesome family would raise the well-balanced, well-mannered leaders of the future instead of, apparently, little emo fucks who poke around in people's heads.

Rey glanced over to look at Ben. He was drumming his fingers nervously on the steering wheel and his eyes were darting jerkily from the house to his lap. She could almost see his heart beating out of his chest. "You okay?" she asked him, hesitantly placing a hand on his forearm. He didn't turn to look at her or anything, but he nodded his head in answer.

"I'm fine," Ben snapped, his voice abrasive and at odds with his skittish behaviour. He shrugged Rey off, undid his seatbelt, and exited the car in a series of mechanical movements. It looked like he was on autopilot, barely taking in anything and moving around on muscle memory alone. Rey sighed and took off her own seatbelt, grumbling as she slid awkwardly out of the car and onto the sidewalk. Ben barely spared her a glance when she tottered over to him at the front of the house. He was staring straight at the worn emerald door, hands clasped tightly behind his back. "I never thought I'd come back here," he murmured.

Rey looked up at him, a quizzical look on her face. "Pardon?"

"I made a promise to myself," Ben explained, "that I'd never come back here. Bad memories and all."

"Oh, come on, it couldn't have been that bad," Rey snorted. Ben shot her a glare out of the corner of his eye, but she ignored it. She nudged his arm with her shoulder and jerked her head in the direction of the door. "She's probably wondering why we aren't here by now. It's almost ten past."

"She knows we're here," Ben grumbled.

"You make her out to be some kind of mythical, monstrous demon," Rey laughed. "She can't possibly know that we're here."

"Yes, she can." Rey turned to look at Ben and raised an eyebrow in inquiry. "Is she psychic or something?" she asked him, hands on her hips.

"No," he replied simply. "Then how can she possibly know that we're here?!" With an exasperated sigh, Ben grabbed her by the chin and tilted her head upwards. Rey spotted a regal looking old woman standing at the window on the second floor, staring out intently at them. When she realized that they had spotted her, she gave them an unabashed wave and a cheeky grin before dancing out of Rey's line of view, presumably to open the door. Rey chuckled, and she knew immediately that she would like Leia.

"I like her already," Rey declared, beaming up at Ben. He rolled his eyes and grumbled something under his breath that Rey thought could have been multiple iterations of 'Kill me now'. Rey stuck her tongue out at him childishly and punched him lightly on his chest. "Don't be a spoilsport," she warned him. "I want to make a good impression on her."

"All you freaking fangirls do," he shot back, eyes narrowed menacingly, though his lips twitched in a way that belied his amusement.

"Watch that mouth of yours, mister, I've seen all your Vader mugs, you freaking fa-" Her words became muffled when Ben's hand came up and covered her mouth, obscuring her vision slightly because they were just so damned, infuriatingly massive.

"Benjamin Bail Solo, don't you dare smother your future wife before I get the chance to finally meet her!"

Rey smacked Ben on the arm when he suddenly let her go, sure that her face was embarrassingly red from anger and, oh yeah, lack of oxygen. She managed to turn around somewhat gracefully to face the very tiny, she now realized, woman leaning against the doorframe. She wore a long, robe-like blue dress that reminded Rey of a sci-fi queen or something. Her silver hair had been pinned up into an impressively intricate voluminous style with a braid wrapping around the front of it.

Leia was scrutinizing Rey just as intently as Rey was her, nose wrinkling as she assessed the girl her son had knocked up. "I'm glad I invited you over for dinner," she said judiciously. Her face suddenly split into another smile, radiating waves of motherly warmth. "You're too skinny by half. Come in right now, you must be freezing your buttocks off. Ben, did you seriously not think to get her a jacket? I raised you to be better than that, didn't I?"

Ben shepherded a beaming Rey past Leia and into the warmth of the entryway. It was filled with well-loved, beaten up furniture and a worn ottoman carpet ran the entire length of the room. Pictures lined the walls, some black and white and some coloured; Leia with her brother, Luke Skywalker, a man leaning roguishly on the side of a plane that Rey presumed was Han Solo, a young man with a scar running down the length of his face beaming down at two bundles in his arms. There were pictures of Ben on the walls as well. Rey snorted when she spotted one of a younger Ben. He was all ears and-

"I know, amazing, isn't it?" Leia asked her, coming to stand beside her. She shoved Ben out of the way and took Rey by the arm. "It's one of my favourites of him. He's actually smiling, imagine that. He hasn't smiled for me in a long time, not since his father-" Ben cleared his throat, cutting his mother off.

Rey turned her head to look at him and saw that his expression had darkened. His was staring daggers at Leia. She retaliated with a stern glare of her own, straightening up to her impressive height of around five foot.

"We came here for dinner, not a retelling of our tragic family story," he snapped.

Leia gave Rey a pitying look and whispered almost imperceptibly under her breath, "You have to live with this thing? Ouch." Rey was barely able to contain a snicker.

Leia led her into the dining room, her arm still linked tightly with Rey's. The table had already been set, the plates piled high with food. Rey's mouth watered as the scent of gravy and beef hit her full force. "It might be a little cold," Leia apologised. "But that's not my fault, is it? Now sit, Rey, I'm sure your feet hurt like hell."

"It's horrible," Rey groaned as she collapsed into her chair gratefully. "I don't know how other people can even think that it's 'the most beautiful feeling in the universe'."

"They're just bullshitting us," Leia said. "It's a government conspiracy." She picked up her knife and fork and started to cut her food into little pieces.

Rey laughed. "Should you be saying that?"

"Yes. Why else would I have become a politician? Now eat, I didn't cook all of this for nothing," Leia commanded, waving her cutlery at Ben and Rey.

Rey practically started shovelling the food into her mouth, aware that she probably looked like a savage. She groaned in ecstasy at the taste of her first home-cooked meal in what seemed like a decade. She saw Ben frowning at her disapprovingly to her left but she promptly ignored him. In her opinion, it was a crime to eat food this good with less enthusiasm as she was right now.

"Glad to see that someone likes my cooking," Leia remarked. She glared at her son accusingly and harrumphed before turning away again, acting as if nothing had happened.

"I don't eat meat anymore, mom," Ben sighed as he pushed away his plate.

Leia scoffed at his declaration. "Benjamin, stop being ridiculous."

"Mom, seriously, can you at least try to take my decisions seriously?"

"Well, I would if I actually believed you," she said, reaching over and nudging the plate back in front of Ben. "Do you remember the time I caught you at the record store after two months of you telling me you were at bible study?"

"I saw him eating bacon this morning, if that helps," Rey piped up, a mischevious smirk on her face. Ben shot her a withering look and she almost laughed.

 _I hate you_ , he mouthed to her. Rey gave him a megawatt grin before turning her attention back to her food, which, at this point, was almost half-gone.

"So," Leia said when everyone- excluding Ben, of course- had cleared their plates. "How did you two meet?"

Her question caught Rey off guard, and she choked on her own spit. She started coughing violently, mirroring Ben, who had brought a napkin up to his mouth in an effort to contain his own coughs.

"A party," he managed to choke out. Rey had to admire him for his quick thinking, though she had no doubt that Leia saw right through it. Rey nodded her head vehemently as Leia turned to her for verification.

"It was a work thing," Rey added. "I was bartending that night. We met up for a... date... later on and, well..."

"It was a great date," Ben said frantically, running a hand through his hair in a way Rey knew he did when he was nervous or angry. Or both. She shuddered at the thought of so much angst in such a short period of time. 

"And then we had a few more dates. And there was nothing inappropriate. I was very respectful. Of her. As a human. And a lady. Obviously."

 _No doubt about that_ , Rey thought brazenly to herself. Her cheeks flushed at the memory of that night- thankfully, not enough to be noticeable beneath the dim yellow glow of the lights overhead. Even if it were, she could always blame it on the 'pregnancy hormones'. Because Leia Organa-Solo, one of the greatest politicians in American history, would definitely fall for that.

"Your father was very respectful, too," Leia said. "On our fifth, he took me to this snazzy hotel in Bespin and he respected me very well. In fact, he was so respectful that-"

"Please don't finish that sentence," Ben pleaded, his eyes shut in mental agony.

"-it's a wonder how his son came out so very willing to interrupt his poor mother in the middle of her reminiscings." Leia took a long drag from her glass, eyes peering brightly down at her son. At this point, he'd pushed away his plate and buried his head in his arms, as if doing so would make him disappear. It was a far cry from the grumpy, domineering man he was at home or outside. It shocked Rey how easily Ben reverted back into a petulant little boy around his mother.

Rey picked up her plate and stood, hoping to diffuse the tension in the room. She glanced around at the two Solos at the table with her. Ben's eyes shot up immediately, appearing through the mop of dark hair falling over his forehead. Rey could see the roiling emotions in them, anger and confusion and helplessness all churning around. They latched onto her, never budging even an inch. Leia's gaze, however, broke from her son for only a second before returning to their previous target.

"I'll wash up," Rey announced. Her eyes were still locked with Ben's. It sent discomfort through her, like someone had just thrown ice water down her back. "It's only fair that we do." She scrambled to grab all the dishes from the table, stacking them precariously in one hand. She quickly looked over at Leia again, who simply nodded, a tight smile on her face.

"Ben, could you show her where the kitchen is?" Leia asked stiffly. "And help her bring in the dishes, she's in no condition to do everything by herself."

With a huff, Ben stood up, the legs of his chair scraping unpleasantly along the hardwood. He stalked across the room and grabbed a befuddled Rey along as he left. The plates she was carrying threatened to topple out of her grasp. 

" _Let go_ ," she hissed at him. Ben didn't listen, instead choosing to tighten his grip until it was bordering on painful. He only let go when they reached the kitchen, and only to snatch the empty dishes from her hands. 

Rey watched him as he started scrubbing viciously at the plates, water splashing all over the floor and counter. She was tempted to tell him to be careful, just in case he slipped or cut himself on something, but thought better of it. It was like when she was younger and she would try and chase the coyotes out of the yard, only to get snapped at.

In hindsight, maybe trying to chase wild animals wasn't the smartest idea in the world, but Rey wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. And, in her defense, she was seven.

"I know I'm being a douche," Ben said suddenly. Rey was slightly shocked at his admission. He didn't really seem like the humble pie kind of guy.

"It's alright," Rey said. "I mean, I still don't really understand why you hate your family so much, but it's alright."

"'Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,'" he muttered softly. 

Rey's ears perked up. "Tolstoy?" she asked, eyes bright. "I didn't think you read stuff like that. You know, non-doctorish stuff."

"And you do?"

"Hey, I may be an engineering grunt but I like to be well-read," she reprimanded him jokingly. Rey could feel the dark tension in the air dissolve, replaced by an uneasy armistice. 

"'It was a pleasure to burn,'" Ben shot back.

Rey scoffed. "Easy. Fahrenheit 451. Ray Bradbury. Published in 1953," she replied. She bit her lip as she tried to think of a sentence to stump him. "'She learned,'" Rey finally settled on, "'in the slums of her childhood, that honest people were never touchy on the matter of being trusted.'"

It took Ben a while to come up with an answer. "A thousand splendid suns?"

"Wrong!" Rey gloated, beaming at the back of Ben's head. "Atlas Shrugged."

Ben turned his head and shot her a withering look. "Pretentious asshole," he gibed. 

"Not really," Rey said with a shrug. "It was one of the only books my foster dad gave to me. He probably couldn't wrap his tiny mind around all the big words. Like 'I' or 'it'."

"Ouch," Ben laughed. "Sick burn."

"' _Sick burn_ '?" Rey practically screeched. "Goddammit, why did I think shacking up with a grandpa was a good idea? God, what is this, 2005? Should I get out my iPod nano? Or maybe I'll just whip out my flip phone."

"Fuck off, you sad millennial," Ben retorted.

Rey laughed incredulously. " _Sick burn,_ " she mocked. She yelped as a glob of suds came flying at her. If not for her quick reflexes, it would have hit her square in the face. Instead, it landed just above her ear, sliding downwards in an  _extremely_ attractive manner. "Did you just-"

"Yes. I did," he said. He paused, turned to face her, then asked, "You didn't really like him that much, did you? Your foster father."

"That's a mild way to put it," Rey answered with a grimace. "He never beat me, never kept me locked up in the basement or anything, so it could've been worse."

"Jesus. Is that what you think 'worse' is?"

Rey nodded. "I was useful enough that he didn't treat me like absolute shit. You can't fix cars with a broken arm."

Something flickered in Ben's eyes. His lips pursed so tightly that they almost disappeared. "What's his name?" he asked quietly.

"Plutt. Unkar Plutt. Nasty fucker, but he kept me alive long enough. Why?"

Ben shook his head. "No reason," he dismissed. "How long were you with him."

"Ten years? Eleven? I honestly can't remember. I was eighteen when I left. Went to college. Never looked back."

"Did he ever..." Ben trailed off, frowning slightly. "You know..."

"Did he ever what?" she asked. "Did he ever...oh, _God no_! I would've killed myself if he ever did. The only people I ever slept with were people I chose. God, thanks for the mental image." Rey shuddered in disgust, closing her eyes to try and wipe away the picture she'd conjured up. 

Ben seemed to sag a little in relief. "Good. It's disgusting how often stuff like that happens."

Rey gave him a small, wobbly smile. "'Every unhappy family is unhappy in their own way.' Some are just more unhappy than others."

"Hey, are you guys done being all cutesy and also slightly disgusting?" Leia said, popping her head into the kitchen. "Dessert's in the fridge and I'm fucking tired."

 

* * *

 

"Girl," Dr. Pava announced. "And our second little bean is a... you know, I have no idea. Its leg is in the way. You'll have to wait, unless you don't mind a surprise."

"It's no bother," Rey said. She glanced at the ultrasound screen, wishing that she could make something out of the black and white splodges displayed on it. She could only just make out the shapes that were her...

Babies.

Kids.

It was a strange thought, even after almost four and a half, almost five months.

"And how's the piece of shit who knocked you up?" Dr. Pava inquired with distaste. "Still the same asshole we all know and love?" 

Rey wondered what Ben had to do at work to deserve such a stained reputation. She understood how his reserved, often aloof behaviour could be seen as arrogant or rude. And how his smartass jokes could be seen as extremely offensive at times. As in all the time. And how he usually looked down on everyone, both figuratively and literally. On reflection, it was  _really_ easy to see why everyone hated him. 

"Umm, still an asshole," she chuckled. "A little toned down around me, I guess."

"It's 'cause you're carrying his spawn," Dr. Pava joked with a grin. "He senses his own flesh and blood."

 _He's not_ that  _bad,_ Rey thought to herself. And he wasn't, really. Ever since Rey had literally doubled in size overnight about three weeks ago, he'd been almost _too_ attentive: cooking her insane amounts of food, either picking her up himself or sending a driver over to San Tekka's every day after work, even though it was only a ten minute walk to the bus station, and even installing railings in the bathroom and the hallways. " _Just in case you slip and paralyse yourself. Your centre of gravity is way off right now,_ " he had said.

Fucking ridiculous bastard.

 "Anyway, the twins seem healthy. You should just make sure to eat well, make sure to keep taking your pre-natals, get enough sleep, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. You probably get enough of this at home. Now, I'm just gonna print this out so you can stick it into a scrapbook or on the fridge." Dr. Pava gave her a tight smile as she pressed a couple of buttons on the ultrasound machine. The printer in the corner of the room whirred to life with a shudder.

"Doctor, can I ask you something?" Rey said, pushing herself with a grunt. 

"Yes?" She said this while quickly yanking the photographs out of the printer with a flourish. She grabbed a brown envelope from her desk and tucked them in before handing them to Rey. 

"What did Ben- Dr. Solo- do to earn his reputation? I mean, he can't be  _that_ bad, can he? You don't even work in the same department."

Dr. Pava froze. She scrunched up her nose. "I shouldn't," she said. "It's unprofessional."

"Oh, come on, just think of it as an advancement of your personal vendetta against him," Rey goaded. 

"I... oh, alright. But I'm not telling you this as Dr. Pava," she warned. "I'm Jessica now. Your friend's sister's girlfriend. The future godmother of your unborn children. Alright?"

Rey nodded forcefully. "Alright. Pinky swear," she promised.

"Well," Jessica began, "he's a friend of the Chief of Staff. Snoke. I don't know the details but I've heard through the grapevine that they worked on a paper together in Oxford a decade back or something. An experimental procedure to cure Alzheimer's or some sort of brain cancer. I don't know. As you said, it isn't my department. They got real tight over there. When Solo got back to D.C, he got the position- Head of Neurology, that is- almost immediately. Lots of us were... annoyed, to say the least. He waltzed in with minimum experience and took the job from under the noses of two of the most successful neurosurgeons in the country! Granted, he  _is_ brilliant, but he's an annoying bastard. Always looks down on us _peasants_."

"I think I heard at least _one_ compliment in there somewhere, Pava."

Jessica shrieked in surprise at Ben's sudden arrival. She clutched her hand to her heart as she shot daggers across the room to Ben, who was leaning insolently against the doorframe. He raised an eyebrow at her reaction, his lips wobbling as he struggled with keeping a smirk off his face.

Rey's eyes flashed back and forth between Jessica and Ben, trying to gauge their reactions. Jessica looked like a deer caught in headlights, all wide eyes and awkward grimace. Ben, on the other hand, looked as relaxed as anyone who had their slightly dubious career paths revealed to their accidental baby mama. Except... Rey swore she could see his eye twitching slightly. 

"They just greased the doors," Ben said. To emphasise his point, he pushed the door back and forth, demonstrating the quietness of the hinges. "Smooth, right?"

"Dr. Solo, has anyone ever told you about doctor-patient confidentiality?" Jessica huffed. 

"I'm the father," he snapped. "I'm technically allowed in here with her."

"Well, the appointment's over, anyhow," Rey interrupted brightly. "Ben, let's run. Dr. Pava, thank you. See you next month. Bye." With that, she scrambled out of the chair and hurried out of the door, Ben following close behind. His unfairly long legs meant that he could take one step to three of Rey's ducklike waddles.

"You forgot the ultrasound pictures," Ben said unhelpfully. Rey was too busy trying to prevent World War III: Pava vs. Solo from happening. 

"Yeah, Ben, I don't give a shit about those pictures right now," Rey snapped. "I can get her to email them if you want to scrapbook them so badly."

"My God, you read my very soul, Miss. Kenobi," he joked. 

Rey glared back at Ben, who simply smirked back smugly. 

"Do you always have to be such an _ass_?" Rey huffed. 

"Yes, it's a built-in mechanism to keep me from over-reacting to the smallest of inconveniences. Such as gossiping colleagues, you see."

Rey sighed in defeat. "Fine. Alright. Just... knock before you come in next time. She's gonna rip your head off otherwise."

She spotted the door to the cafeteria and took a sharp turn, almost running into Ben. He jumped back with a startled oof as Rey pushed the door open. She wrinkled her nose as the unappetising smell of disinfectant and slightly-off tomato sauce assaulted her. She took the closest seat to the door, shuffling away from the strange orange stains on the right side of the table. Ben took the seat next to her. 

"Don't you have a job?" Rey muttered. 

"Yeah, I do. But I have a responsibility to you as well. I tried rearranging my schedule to make your appointment but something came up last minute. Sorry."

"It's fine. You really don't even have to be there," Rey said with a shake of her head.

"Hey," Ben snapped. "I made a promise to you. I intend to keep it. I'm going to be a real father to our kids."

"And thanks for that," Rey said. "But you're too overbearing, honestly. And kind of a douche sometimes."

"Okay, yes, maybe I'm a douche, and maybe I didn't fucking earn my position in this hospital like I should've, and like Pava so  _thoughtfully_ brought up. But I still worked hard to get where I am today, and I'm still going to work hard to raise the twins, alright? And who cares if I'm overbearing sometimes-" 

"All the time," Rey interrupted with a grin. " _Way_ too overbearing."

"Fine, but think about how useful that'll be when the kids are grown up, eh?" he argued. "I can keep them in line."

"I don't think I want them to be raised under an autocracy, Ben," Rey laughed.

Ben clicked his tongue in dismissal. "Please. I'd prefer an oligarchic household. Me and my cat."

"You don't have a cat," Rey said, confused.

"I'm planning on getting one. Children who grow up with pets are often more mentally stable." He grinned and glanced down at his watch. "Shit," he hissed. "I've got to go. I've got a meeting. Snoke'll kill me if I'm late."

Rey nodded. "Alright," she said. "See you later."

"Yeah," he replied lamely, getting up. He walked back towards the door, never once taking his eyes off Rey's. "See you tonight.'

"Alright," Rey sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Tonig- ow, fuck!" 

Rey snorted as she watched him run into the wall, his head hitting the top of the doorframe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> das a thing.
> 
> wow
> 
> also, dont u just love my excessive dialogue bc im shit at writing aefjndadksjandd halp
> 
> also also, i kinda want to desperately change the name of this fic pls sum suggestions pls


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look its a chapter
> 
> the last one i posted came out before the death of fifteen memes i am amazing
> 
> umm  
> yes  
> u can read it now  
> feel fee to drag me in the comments below i hate myself too dont worry

There was no meeting with Snoke. He'd lied.

But, in his defense, things were getting bad. Really bad, not just Ben Solo (TM) bad. There was medical reasoning behind his strategic abandonment, not just his own crappy opinions.

 _Your opinions are medical, dumbass, crappy or otherwise,_ a snide voice in the back of his mind told him. He brushed it aside, concentrating on getting down the corridor without barging into some unfortunate orderly or first-year resident who didn't know better.

Tachycardia. A symptom of arrhythmia. Arrhythmia can lead to heart failure- only in extreme cases, yes, but Ben wasn't willing to take that risk. Heart problems were rapidly becoming one of the leading causes of premature death in America, he reasoned.

_Due to a fatty diet and minimal physical activity becoming the national norm. I'm pretty sure you don't qualify._

"Shut up, shut up, shut up," Ben hissed under his breath. Not the best thing to be doing in a hospital, talking to yourself, but his conscience was getting... unreasonable, to put it gently.

Ben scanned the door placards for a name he never thought he would ever actively seek out in a million years: Dr. Armitage Hux. But if there was one person in the world who could stop his irrationality, it was that sleazebag.

He found it eventually, all the way on the far side of the obstetrics department. It was amazing how Hux, even unintentionally, could piss him off so much.

Barging into the examination room, he snapped, "I need your help, stat."

Hux looked up from his patient, who was scrambling to cover herself up following Ben's sudden interruption. "I'm a little preoccupied here," Hux said, motioning to the woman lying in front of him. He smirked slightly. "You should have made an appointment."

Ben's nostrils flared in barely suppressed frustration. He nodded stiffly and stepped back out of the room. The door swung closed comically slow, and Hux didn't break eye contact until it clicked shut, even when Ben looked away. It was perhaps the most uncomfortable seventeen billion years of his life.

It took fifteen minutes for Hux to finish up his appointment, and in that fifteen minutes, Ben had involuntarily participated in three of the most excruciating conversations he could have had at that moment: one with an old lady who was trying to convince him that radishes caused Parkinson's, a lady so violently anti-vaccine that Ben started to wish that they did cause cancer, just so that he could stab her with one, and a sullen teenage girl ridiculously obsessed with his uncle.

By the time Hux let him back in, Ben was convinced that he was the second coming of Christ.

"Thank God," he groaned, stumbling forward towards Hux, who barely managed to yank his coat away and out of Ben's grasp. "How in the hell do you put up with all that crap every day?"

"A shit-ton of drugs," Hux deadpanned. "Why did you barge in, Solo? You rather shocked Miss. Netal back there. She's quite sensitive about her condition."

"Warts?" asked Ben knowingly.

Nodding his head, Hux replied, "Warts."

"It's always warts, huh?"

"Sadly. Apparently, condoms don't exist in this state."

Ben chuckled a little in a rare show of professional solidarity.

_He's the enemy, you little punk. Stop laughing._

Quickly, Ben wiped the grin off his face. "I'm here for your help," he repeated, snapping his heels together military-style.

Hux gasped in pretend shock. "Dearie me, what on earth could I, lowly Armitage Hux, ever do for the esteemed, world-renowned Dr. Organa-Solo?" he mocked, hand on his chest.

Ben scowled. "I need to know how you repel women."

"Excuse me?" Hux asked, brow arched.

"How do you do it? You're so effortlessly sleazy, I need to know how you constantly dissuade women from approaching you."

"I am not sleazy," Hux retorted defensively. "And I don't repulse all of womankind, let's get one thing straight. If you even bothered to talk to your assistant from time to time, maybe you'd know."

"You... You and Phasma?" Ben asked, incredulous. His emotions must have shown more than he hoped, as Hux's expression turned stony.

"Yes. And it isn't like you're George Clooney or something, I'm pretty sure you don't need any help 'dissuading women'," Hux snapped.

"I know," Ben sighed. "But I just need to dissuade one particular female."

"Well, keep calling them 'female'," Hux commented snidely. "I'm pretty sure that most women don't appreciate being treated like scientific specimen."

Ben shot an icy glare at his colleague, who simply shrugged in response. "I'm serious Hux. I'm fucked."

"Why?"

"You're clever enough to figure that out yourself, Hux, as much as it pains me to admit," Ben huffed. "Why do you even have to ask."

"I like watching you squirm. It provides me with enough amusement to drag myself through the hellscape I call my job."

"I'm not saying it," Ben said.

"Then I'm not helping you," Hux replied. They glared at each other childishly until Ben finally cracked.

"Umm..." Ben cleared his throat uncomfortably. "It seems that... that I've started to develop... uhh... romantic feelings towards Rey. Miss. Kenobi. Yeah. Kenobi. That's her name. I'm imagining things, Hux. Like, bad shit. Suburbia. Recitals. Football games. I don't fucking know why, or how it started, but I want to get rid of it. She's too nice all the time, it confuses me. My brain... it can't process that, do you understand? I need it to stop, and you're the only person I can think of who can help me with that."

Hux whistled. "Damn. You're in deeper shit than any of us could've even imagined. But hey, thanks, I just got seventy bucks richer."

"What?" Ben said, blinking in confusion.

"Nothing."

"Okay. I'm just going to pretend that you didn't say anything about the entire staff of First Order entering an illegal betting pool about my love life and get to the part where I beg you to help me out, alright?"

"No," Hux said simply.

"No?" Ben spluttered. "Did you seriously just say that?"

"Yes, I did. Have you even considered that falling in love might be a good thing?" Hux suggested.

Ben hoped that he was joking, but the longer the awkward silence went on, he realised that it was not.

And when someone like Armitage Hux started talking unironically about love, the most sensible thing to do would be to run.

Sadly, Ben wasn't exactly sensible as of that moment.

"I don't understand," he said at machine-gun pace. "Why would it be a good thing? I could die early. My heart could give out. Do you need to see how fast it's beating right now?" Ben started towards Hux but stopped abruptly when a pen flew by his head, narrowly missing his ear. Try me, bitch, Hux's eyes seemed to say. "It's not good for the arteries. I could have a heart attack," he finished out of breath by this point.

"Do you remember what I was like two years ago?" Hux asked.

"No," Ben replied bluntly. "I barely paid attention to you until you started stealing my mugs."

"You little bi-" Hux started furiously, but managed to restrain himself. "What I meant to say was that I was even more of an asshole back then than I am now. I could've rivalled you for the annual asshole gold medal. But then I met Phasma, and-"

"Why do you call her that?" Ben interrupted, trying to change the subject for even a minute or two. "Phasma, I mean. Why do you call her Phasma?"

"That's... her name..."

"Her first name?"

"Yes."

"Her parents must've hated her," Ben remarked. "Does that mean I've been calling her by her first name for a year now?"

"Ben Solo, I don't care if you've got your hand halfway up Snoke's digestive tract, if you interrupt me one more time, I'll shoot you," Hux snapped. He waited for Ben to shut up completely before continuing. "As I was saying, Phasma made me less of a dick. Even now, people are saying you're more bearable. You shout less. You mind where you're going in the corridors for once. You actually get shit done. It's been going on for three months now. It doesn't take a fucking genius to figure out why."

"You think I shouldn't not... like with Rey, and try not to push her away... because I'm less of a dick like this?"

"'Like'?" Hux snorted. "What are we, twelve? Just say it, Solo. We're big kids now."

Ben hesitated.

Thought about what Hux said.

Then...

"Well, this has been an absolute waste of my time," he huffed. "Thanks for nothing, dickhead."

 

* * *

 

Rey was disgusted.

"It's like something out 'Alien'!" she exclaimed, grimacing as she looked down at her belly, now undulating with every movement the twins made. She turned away, shaking her head. "God, I can't even look at it!"

"It's the  _beauty of pregnancy,_ Rey," Poe laughed. "Don't be such a Victoria."

"I don't understand that reference, but no. I'm gonna be as disgusted as I want to be," she replied with a shudder.

Finn plopped down next to her on the sofa, camera in hand. "He's been watching too many crappy TV shows again, don't mind him," he apologised as he started to take pictures of Rey's hideous midsection. 

"'Victoria' is  _not_ a crappy TV show, Finn," Poe yelled from behind his laptop. "It's entertaining  _and_ educational!" 

He was promptly ignored, what with his boyfriend intently focusing on capturing the movements of demon children and Rey too busy trying to stop him from doing so. 

"This is horrible," Rey reiterated, trying to push Finn away. "I didn't know that it could be this disgusting."

"Haven't they done it before?" Finn asked. 

"NO! Why do you think I was so surprised?" Rey snapped back. She shifted restlessly in her seat and put her hands over her stomach to block Finn's view, but quickly withdrew upon realising how much stranger it  _felt._

"Oh, so it's a good thing I had my camera ready," Finn said. "I can send it to Ben."

"Why would you do that?" 

The words shot out of Rey's mouth quicker and more harshly than she expected. She bit her lip in an attempt to stop any more stupidity coming out of her. Finn and Poe both gave her strange looks.

"I mean," she said, "you don't like him. Why would you do that?"

"He's the father," Finn said with a shrug, bemused by Rey's apparent inability to see the obvious. 

Rey made a face. For the past couple of days, ever since the last check-up, Ben had been avoiding her. It bothered her, strangely; she used to think that it would be a relief when he finally stopped obsessing over her safety and stopped watching over her like a hawk, but now that his constant, unrelenting, borderline-creepy presence was gone, she couldn't help but feel a little bit... disappointed? It wasn't as though she had any reason to feel the way she felt- she'd reminded herself of this seemingly over a hundred times since his odd behaviour had started- but she did.

"Rey... Is something going on between you two?" Poe asked her slyly. 

She felt her face inexplicably heat up at his implication. "Of course not," she replied as calmly as she could. "Why would you think that?"

Finn and Poe shot each other knowing looks, seemingly having an entire conversation in the span of a couple of seconds. "Sure, honey," he muttered, an irksome expression on his face.

"Honestly! I'm not some ditzy college girl anymore, I can manage to keep my hands to myself, thank you very much," Rey insisted, rolling her eyes.

"So there's an urge to  _not_ keep your hands to yourself?" Finn asked.

"No!" Rey shrieked. Her body felt as though someone had poured lava into her veins, and she was pretty sure her asshole friends could see it.

There was  _no way in hell_ that Rey had any kind of 'urge' to do anything to Benjamin Solo, professional dick. He was infuriating, confusing, too arrogant for his own good. When he looked at her, it looked like he was silently judging her. All the time. And when he spoke to her, it was as if he were speaking to a child:  _'No, you_ can't  _eat this, do you want to die?', 'Are you sure you should be doing that?', 'You should just go to bed,_ walking  _isn't good for you!'._

Okay, maybe she was exaggerating. He wasn't that bad. At the very least, he  _did actually_ speak to her with a modicum of respect, something that only about five other people had ever done in her life. And he cared about her, in his own weird, stalkerish way. He gave her a place to stay, the guarantee that her kids-  _their_ kids- would grow up with two parents instead of one, or even none. He was a good man, when he wanted to be. Which was seemingly always when Rey was around, whether it be for her or for the twins. She respected him. That was all. It wasn't as if she wanted... other things. Much less innocent things. Nope.

It wasn't as if she' imagined what it would be like to kiss him just one more time. Since moving in with him, nothing unchristian had gone through her mind regarding Ben Solo. She felt nothing for him. Nothing. Nada. Yilch. Zip. Not once had she thought about what she'd like to do to him as soon as he walked through the front door, his hair already unruly from him running his hands through it so many times, his shirt already unbuttoned at the top, and his tie already loose around his neck, long enough for her to reach over and grab it, to yank him towards her. She definitely _hadn't_ imagined what it would be like to wake up in the middle of the night and suddenly decide to walk over into his room, crawl on top of him, and do things so dirty she doubted the English language even had words for it. Never in a million years would she ever imagine herself running her fingers through his hair as he worshipped her, laving at her neck, peppering kisses down her breasts and stomach, finally settling between her-

No. None of those thoughts. She'd thought none of that. Nothing foul, nothing that made her blood pump through her body faster than Usain Bolt on crack.

 _What about kisses in the morning?,_ a quiet voice in the back of her head murmured. _Nothing lewd, nothing smutty. Just… sweet. On the cheek, on the forehead. On the tip of your nose. Cuddles in the middle of the night, when you get so scared you don’t think you can breathe. Just like_ that _night, don’t you remember? Of course you remember, how could you forget? His chin resting on top of your head, chest to your back. Can you imagine that voice of his, all gruff and low with lethargy, calming you down? Wouldn’t it be nice?_

_Wouldn’t it be nice if he loved you?_

_And you loved him?_

"Shut  _up!_ " Rey hissed under her breath, quiet enough to go unnoticed by the two idiots beside her, currently too busy cooing over the videos Finn captured to pay any attention to her. She massaged her temples as if she could coax any unruly ideas out of her head with a few simple touches. She glanced down and was relieved to find that Bean 1 and 2 had finally decided to calm down. She rested a hand on the top of her belly and sighed wearily. Things were starting to get overwhelming, she thought. She couldn't handle two things at once at this point. It was either a) decide how she felt about Ben, or b) concentrate on the babies. 

In the grand scheme of things, option B seemed like the most responsible.

She felt a light tap on her shoulder, and she jolted out of her ruminations. Poe had replaced Finn, who had seemingly disappeared, beside her, legs curled up under him. His face was somber, so different than how Rey usually saw him. 

"You okay, sweet pea?" he asked her, concern practically flooding out of his eyes. "You look tired."

Rey shook her head and shot him a wan smile. "It's nothing. Just... hormones, I guess. Where's Finn?"

"He went to send off those videos. He'll be back soon, don't worry. But that's not what I wanna talk about. Rey, you've blamed so many things on 'hormones' since you got knocked up I'm starting to consider getting pregnant. It'll get Finn off my back, that's for sure," he joked. Rey's smile brightened momentarily, then fell.

"Stop being all 'wise and sage', douchebag," she muttered. Tears welled in her eyes quicker than she could blink them back, and she felt a couple roll down her cheeks. Poe pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair as she whimpered into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Poe," she wailed, her voice muffled. "I know this is your favourite shirt, and you probably don't want my snot all over it, and I know that it's dry-clean only, and it must be a pain for the dry-cleaner if they have to wash my snot from it. And I'm sorry I blame everything on being pregnant, but the truth is, I-"

"Rey," Poe interrupted, "Shut up before I call Finn over to gag you."

"No, Poe, let me finish! The truth is, I think that me being pregnant is because of how _fucked up_ I am." Rey withdrew from Poe, sniffling slightly, and wiped her nose unceremoniously on her sleeve. "And I'm probably oversharing, but Finn's probably already told you, and I don't blame him for that. You've been so good to me, Poe, both of you. And I hate that I'm the stupid one, even though I probably shouldn't be. I don't have anyone to tell me when I'm being dumb, like you and Finn have each other, and it kind of hurts, you know? And I don't think I can be a mother, because I didn't have one growing up, y'know?"

"Rey, you have us, you know that, right?" Poe asked, shaking her slightly as if to knock some sense into her. "We're your family, dummy. Good ol' Uncle Finn and Aunt Poe. With you through thick and thin. And Ben can be, too, if you need him to be."

"Are you insane? God, no, I could never be... you know... with... just, no! You were right, you know! I think things. Dumb things that I shouldn't be thinking about him. Because he probably doesn't want me around after I pop out these babies."

"You're crazy if you think that," Poe scoffed.

"Gee, thanks," Rey muttered, glaring at him with now slightly puffy eyes. "Go ahead, make fun of the emotionally crippled pregnant woman."

Poe tugged fondly at a lock of her hair that had come loose and said, "That's what I'm here for, sweetheart. And I, for one, always knew that you and Ben were inevitable. I mean,  _fate_ has brought you together. The sheer  _force_ of it... it just seems like it should've happened."

"Are you fucking serious?" Rey asked him. "It was some weird, mystical force that brought us together? I mean, it was probably alcohol, but-"

"It was a force," Poe repeated. "And it's pretty obvious that you like him." He shot Rey a sideways glance. "Love him?"

Rey slapped him. 

Hard.

"Alright," he said through gritted teeth, clutching his bicep. "Not love. Yet."

"Honestly, I'm five seconds away from completely obliterating you," Rey warned him. "I told you some deep shit, and this is how you react?"

"Now you know why I didn't become a psychiatrist," he answered with a grin. 

"No, it's because you're too dumb."

"Touche, milady. Touche."

 

* * *

 

Ben still wasn't home by the time Poe dropped her back off at his apartment. She sighed as she stumbled through the front door, hand fumbling around the walls trying to find the light switch. Poe had talked some sense into her on the way: ' _Tell him what you think, how you feel. If things don't work out, they don't work out. That's fine. But it's better to let it all out than to lie to yourself.'_

That bastard could be way to smart for his own good sometimes.

Rey considered waiting for him, but a quick glance at the clock after about seven hundred yawns made her rethink her idea. Suddenly, the idea of a soft bed and warm duvets seemed a lot more attractive than telling Ben how she felt.

So she slid off the kitchen stool, her back cracking with the movement, and waddled her way into her bedroom. Rey shucked off her clothes and replaced them with pajamas before collapsing into bed.

It only took her a minute to fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

She was asleep by the time Ben got home.

He'd lingered in her doorway for far too long, considering going over and waking her up. For what? To tell her that he doesn't hate her as much as she probably thinks he does? He'd probably been a complete ass toward her for the past couple of months, always telling her what to do, what to eat. 

What was the use in telling her how he felt when he knew she probably didn't feel the same way.

All their relationship was- and was ever going to be- was a drunken one-night-stand. Nothing more, nothing less. Those ideas, those stupid, idealistic ideas he'd had would never happen. She probably didn't even want to be here, in this room, in his house. She'd made it quite abundantly clear when he'd offered it to her all those weeks ago. So why would she feel any different now?

It took him too long to leave, his eyes struggling to pull away from the curve of her cheek, illuminated by a sliver of light shooting in from the corridor. But he did, eventually, closing the door as quietly as he could so that she wouldn't wake.

__

* * *

 

 

The soft click of the door clicking shut woke Rey up. She sat up, confused for a spell, before she looked around and found that it was still dark.

 _Probably just a dream,_ she thought

__

* * *

 

 

_**Huxband:** u owe me dinner tonight_

_**Phasma:** ?????_

_**Phasma:** why _

_**Huxband:**  Ren's gotten soft_

_**Phasma** : no_

_**Huxband:** yes. he wants a house in the suburbs now_

_**Phasma:** you're _ kiddingg

_**Huxband:** soccer practice. Piano recitals. PTA meetings_

_**Phasma** : stop lying. I'll kill you_

_**Huxband:**  bake sale fundraisers_

_**Phasma** : Armitage, don't lie just bc it's your night to cook_

**_Huxband:_ ** _I'm not, honest_

 _ **Phasma:** _....

_**Phasma:**  i still don't believe you_

_**Huxband** : u should_

_**Phasma:**  why_

**_Huxband:_ ** _because you love me_

_**Phasma** : debatable. Maybe im just waiting for you to die so i can steal your fortune_

_**Huxband:**  im pretty sure you love me_

_**Phasma** : no_

_**Phasma:**   also, you're still making dinner tonight_

_**Huxband** : WE MADE A DEAL_

_**Phasma** : i could beat you up_

**_Huxband:_ ** _please save it for the bedroom, dear_

_**Phasma** : but i wouldn't, obviously_

_**Phasma:** because i love you  
_

_**Huxband:** I knew it_

**_Phasma:_ ** _Barely_

 **_Huxband:_ ** _I'll take what i can_

 **_Huxband:_ ** _is pasta alright?_

 **_Phasma:_ ** _Just don't poison me_

 **_Huxband:_ ** _alright, see you tonight. love you_

 **_Phasma:_ ** _begone, peasant_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can rip huxband from my cold dead hands puns fuel me  
> also i want to redeem him because domnhall gleeson/hux deserves better from a fellow countryman
> 
> also help me change the name of this i cant bear it anymore i thought it was fine but its slowly killng me do u know how much i wanna die bc of my midnight fanfic naming decisions????
> 
> pls help
> 
> im being serious.  
> leave some suggestions below :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS WE'RE SO CLOSE TO 10K HITS AND 500 KUDOS HOW THE FRESH HELL DID THIS HAPPEN? I don't deserve this lmao, but here we are!
> 
> I'm gonna start posting a lot more consistently now (every Monday and Friday, probably). In other news, I have A NEW FIC which ummm idk check it out if u want? It's called 'Destiny Rules', have fun ??   
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/15317310/chapters/35538090
> 
> ANYWAYS, ON WIT THE CHAPTER

Late one Saturday evening, a thought struck Rey: there was no nursery.

To clarify, there was a room in Ben's apartment that was  _meant_ to be a nursery. But the walls were still painted the same plain, dull off-white colour that the rest of the apartment was. There were no plush carpets on the floor, no quaint lacy curtains hanging from the window, no adorable little decals or stickers pasted all over the room. Hell, they hadn't even gotten around to getting cribs or a changing table yet. Which to Rey, at almost six months pregnant now, was enough to trigger a bout of nesting instinct so strong that she snapped. She slammed her glass onto the counter with so much force that it broke, shattering in a starburst across the marble.

Ben, who was sitting on the far side of the room, reading intently through a thick stack of papers, leapt up immediately. He crossed the room in record time, practically vaulting over a sofa to get to her. Upon reaching her, he grabbed her firmly- but not roughly- by the shoulders and forced her gaze up to meet his. "What is it?" he asked, voice frantic. His face was one of grim terror, they type of face you'd expect to see on someone who was about to fistfight Ronda Rousey. "Is it the baby? Do you think it's coming? Oh god, it's too early, what the hell do we-"

"We don't have a nursery," Rey wailed, cutting him off. She barely paid any mind to the blood dripping from her palm where a shard of glass had pierced her, all of her brainpower now focused on the topic of cots and colour schemes and cuddly animals. "I've been so... so...  _distracted_ with..."

Nope. She would  _not_ let Ben know that the reason she'd been distracted was him. There was no use, anyway. All he'd do is turn her down, saying something smart and doctory about psychology and hormones or some shit. The thought of him with her, a twenty-four-year-old no one, seemed comical, even to Rey. Maybe there was some truth to all those old wives' tales, after all. In Rey's case, pregnancy had definitely turned her completely mad.

Ben sighed, running a hand through his hair. His eyes skimmed across the room, likely adding up the cost of the damage Rey had caused. Hands pulling away from her shoulders, he told her, "We should probably get rid of all this glass now."

Rey nodded, not really knowing what else to say to the man she probably maybe was starting to kind of fall in love with. She was about to jump down from the stool when Ben's arm slipped under her knees. She yelped in surprise, and Ben quickly retracted it. 

"Is this... I mean, are you okay with me carrying you?" he asked her in a barely-legible tumble of words. He ducked his head away, but she could still spy the very tips of his ears, only just poking out from beneath his enviously amazing hair, flaming red. He made an equivocal sound, halfway between a cough and a scream, before turning back to face her. “There’s glass on the floor and I’d rather you not try to jump about five feet instead.”

Of course. Why else would he have done that? Years of shitty Hallmark Christmas specials must’ve messed with her mind. Carrying someone bridal-style didn’t always have to be romantic. Broken glass littering the floor was another perfectly valid reason for it, despite what Rey’s irrationally sinking heart told her.

“Yeah,” she replied. Rey struggled to keep her voice steady. “Yeah, that’s fine. I get what you’re saying.”

“Right.” Ben’s face hardened before he quickly slid his arms back under her knees and back. He leaned in, and Rey debated whether or not she should take it as an invitation to wrap her arms around his neck.

Needing clarification, she asked him hesitantly, “Umm, is this alright? Y’know, putting my arms around…”

“Go ahead.”

Rey flushed as she twined her arms around him, making sure that her hands didn’t accidentally brush against his back. He shifted her slightly as he straightened up, making sure that her monstrously protruding belly didn’t discomfort her. She pretended not to notice the way her heart jumped and how her stomach twisted as he carried her out of the kitchen. Her face was alarmingly close to his, the tip of her nose just a fraction away from the sharp line of his jaw. The heady scent of his cologne filled her nose underlain with the smell of _him._ It was almost too much for her, and she prayed for him to pick up his pace, just so that she wouldn’t accidentally jump him in the corridor.

They reached her room in time, thank god, and Rey wasted no time jumping out of his arms.

“Shit!” she snarled as she noticed the blood trickling down the side of her hand. It fell to the floor in fat drops, staining the plush white carpet with small scarlet starbursts. She whipped her arm straight up, feeling the blood trickle down her forearm and most likely leaving a streak of red down the sleeve of her shirt.

“Wait here,” Ben growled with a heavy sigh. His voice sent maddening shivers down Rey’s spine. She watched as he entered the bathroom and rummaged in the cupboard under the sink for something. He rose with a small first-aid kit in hand, an inscrutable look on his face. “Sit on the bed,” he ordered.

Rey complied, eyes on his face as he sunk to his knees in front of her. Wildly inappropriate thoughts flashed through Rey’s head and she tried to flush them out before he touched her. She squeezed her eyes shut as he carefully took Rey’s hand in his, wiping away the blood with a cotton ball. “You should really be more careful,” he murmured as he cleaned up her hand. He soaked another ball with some iodine and swathed it across the wound. Rey hissed a little at the burning sensation.

“Lucky I have a doctor on hand to help me,” Rey joked half-heartedly. He glanced up at her momentarily, the corners of his mouth flicking up in amusement. He opened his mouth as if to say something, the levity in his eyes fleeing, replaced by an unsteady, intense look. Rey swallowed nervously, waiting for his words to come like the bullets of a firing squad. But they never did. He shut his mouth quickly and returned to work on her hand, dressing the small cut with far more care than necessary.

Rey wondered what he had wanted to tell her. The naïve, idealistic part of her brain jumped to the conclusion that he was about to profess his undying love to her. Or, at the very least, his unwavering affection or attraction. But the more logical side of her knew that it was probably nothing. A snide comment on her clumsiness. A snarky remark about her abrupt, extreme mood swings. A typical Ben Solo one-liner that had nothing to do with how he felt about her.

“Do you want to go to IKEA or something tomorrow?” Ben asked her as he tucked the gauze back into the first-aid pouch. “You were right; we _really_ need to get our shit together.” He chuckled softly, nudging at Rey’s knee with his arm. “A fine pair we make.”

Rey’s body screamed at the contact, wishing for something more than just a light tap. She tamped down her feelings, plastering a half-smile on her face. “That sounds great,” she said. “I can ask San Tekka for a day off. He’d probably love that, actually.” San Tekka still hadn’t stopped pestering her to leave, going on about the risk of cars smushing her to nothing or the possibility of her tripping over boxes.

Ben didn’t rise at once. He kneeled by her for a minute more, his eyes burning into hers. She was so tempted to say something, anything, or even just move past the words, grab him by the back of the neck, and kiss him until she stopped burning. Her hands itched, urging her to pounce.

He got up, and a sigh of relief rushed from Rey’s lips. Or was it disappointment?

She tugged her blankets around her as he left, curling up into the foetus position. She wondered idly if her babies were doing the same thing inside her. The thought made her smile.

Rey knew that she had to get a handle on her emotions; Ben Solo wasn’t the type of man who fell for women like her. She wasn’t beautiful and rich like he was, and hoping for the impossible would just hurt her, just like all her reckless teenage escapades had left her pitifully dependent on physical touch and feeling. That’s what had gotten her into this mess in the first place.

 _What you’re feeling is just that,_ she told herself. _Physical. Nothing more. You aren’t in love with Ben Solo and he isn’t in love with you._

 

* * *

 

 "I told you we should've gotten the FÖLJA," Ben grumbled as he struggled to put together the cot. Rey rolled her eyes and continued scrolling through Etsy for the perfect decals to match the room. She found a set of stickers depicting the 'Interstellar Conflicts' characters in an adorable cartoon style. She remembered watching the films when she was a kid and absolutely falling in love with the three main characters, Mark, Carrie, and Harrison. 

Rey stuck her phone under Ben's nose. "What do you think?" she asked him.

He wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Those movies were dumb," he said, pushing her hand out of the way and returning to work on the cots. "There was nothing believable in that entire series. I mean, come on, it's so fucking cliché."

"It is  _not!_ " Rey argued, indignant. Out of spite, she kicked the legs of the cot that Ben was working on. She smirked smugly as the entire thing wobbled and collapsed, leaving Ben red-faced and furious. "'Interstellar Conflicts' is the best thing that's happened to sci-fi since 'Metropolis'," she explains, her inner nerd rearing its head. "It's a literal masterpiece! It's inspired entire generations! Where would pop culture be today without it? Who the hell knows how many other movies and shit it's inspired?"

"Alright, alright!" Ben relented. He started jamming the cot parts together, huffing when they didn't fit. "Get them, if they make you so happy. Turn our children into fucking nerds, see if I care!"

Rey laughed. "There's nothing wrong with being a 'nerd', as you so kindly put it," she retorted, a sharp bite to her words. " _I'm_ one, and I turned out just fine, thanks very much."

Ben said something that sounded an awful lot like ' _debatable'_ under his breath. Rey just whacked him around the head with the instructions manual sitting beside her, letting it fall to the ground when she was done. 

"Use that, just in case you fuck up again," she told him. She left him to struggle with the cot for a little while more, returning to her mindless search of suitable room decals. She saved a few links to  go back to later. Maybe she'd send them to Poe and Finn, just to get their opinion. They'd probably side with her- they were all  _huge_ 'Interstellar Conflicts' fans and would never miss an opportunity to force it upon the new generation. 

"What about this one?" she asked him a few minutes later. The photos on her screen showed a simple set of star decals, the designs in the middle of them subtle nods to 'Interstellar Conflicts'. Rey was determined to find a way to get her one true movie love into the nursery, but she doubted Ben would agree if it were obvious. The prick.

Ben shook his head. "Not now, Rey. I'm trying to get this goddamned crib together before I lose my fucking mind."

"Oh, come on, stop being so fucking dramatic!" Rey told him. "Just tell me what you think, really. I don't care if you think it's stupid or anything, I just want to know what-"

With a roar, he hurled the alan wrench across the room. Rey almost dropped her phone at his outburst, suddenly on edge. " _Fucking Swedish bastards,"_ he hissed. " _Always gotta piss off us stupid Americans, huh?_ " 

Rey blinked in surprise. She'd almost forgotten about Ben's reputation as the angsty, violent bastard hell-bent on making everyone's life miserable. But she'd never seen it herself, and she'd never in a million years ever think that it would be caused by something as trivial as Swedish furniture. Surprisingly, however, Rey wasn't scared. Sure, a little shocked, but she knew that he wouldn't hurt her. She hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder, hoping to calm him down before he bought a one-way ticket to Sweden and begun a murder spree. "It's fine, Ben," she told him. "We still have ages before the twins come. We'll figure it out by then."

He scoffed at her words. "Will we?" he asked, turning to look at her.

Rey gulped. She knew that he wasn't talking about the cribs. She wanted to say something, anything that would make sense, but her tongue turned to lead and she kept silent. 

"This is why we should've gotten the FÖLJA," he muttered, turning back to the mess of wood and screws on the floor as if nothing had even happened. 

 

* * *

 

 

It had been a couple of weeks since the IKEA incident. The cots were still in pieces on the ground. Apparently, Ben's brilliance didn't apply to assembling furniture.  He'd given up after a couple more hours of trying, locked the nursery door, despite Rey's protests, and announced that he'd never set foot inside the room until the twins were born. It wasn't exactly ideal, seeing as though they wouldn't have a place to sleep if they didn't manage to get those goddamned cots ready in time, but she'd rather spend a little more time worrying that than having Ben shipped off to some Swedish prison for murder.

Her feelings, to her great dismay, still hadn't left. That insistent, nagging fluttery feeling in her stomach was ever present. She wished the butterflies would just die so she could get on with her life. She couldn't stand any closer than two metres from Ben without spontaneously combusting. It was fine on weekdays; Ben was away for enough of the day that she didn't run into him as much as she would've. But weekends were an entirely different beast. Ben insisted on doing everything with her when he got home from work- two hours earlier than he usually did. He insisted that they cook dinner together (horrible), or watch a movie or two (terrible), or sometimes even jus sit and talk (when this happened, Rey usually faked a headache). So, when Saturday rolled around and Ben announced that his mother wanted to meet up with Rey, she jumped at the chance.

She was back at Maz's, the place where she'd first officially met up with Ben. It was as raucous as ever, the colours on the walls still vibrant, the customers still deafening. Leia had chosen a table at the back, quiet compared to the rest of the shop. She had already ordered for the both of them. Some kind of tea, Rey guessed.

Leia smiled warmly as Rey slipped into her seat as gracefully as she could, having to stop a couple of times to move her ungainly stomach out of the way lest it hit the table or some innocent bystander. When she finally managed to plant her ass on the seat, Leia launched into animated speech.

"I've been talking with a friend of mine," she began, a beaming happily. She reached over and clutched Rey's hands. "Amilyn's a doula- you know what those are, right?" Rey barely had time to nod before Leia started speaking again. "She'd be ecstatic to deliver your babies, you know. We've been friends for years, and she's known Ben all his life. I want you to consider it, Rey. I understand if you want to go down the more traditional route- I'm sure Ben wants to, the little cynic- but I want you to know that I'm here for you, whatever you need. Just call and I'll have it. A doctor, a place to stay, somewhere to hide my son's dead body if he ever pisses you off..."

"There's no need for that, Leia," Rey laughed. Leia had a way of putting people at ease, be it the years of political experience or just a natural talent. It was the first time in weeks that Rey didn't feel like she'd jump out of her skin every time someone moved. "I'm sure... Amilyn's great, but Ben's been pretty insistent about me giving birth at the hospital. I'm not really too fussy about it, to be honest, but everything's pretty much already sorted out by now. But can you thank Amilyn for the offer?"

"No problem," Leia said with a wave. "I knew it was a long shot. It's good to see you again, Rey."

"You too." Rey didn't really know what else to say. She liked Leia, and Leia treated her like Rey was family. But growing up without a mother had had its consequences. Rey had no idea how to act around her. What should she say? What did mothers and daughters usually talk about? 

Luckily, Leia saved Rey the mortification of remaining awkwardly quiet and asked, "So, how're you and Ben doing?"

Okay, never mind. Rey would take the awkward silence any day over this. How the hell could she talk to Leia about this? She could barely admit to herself that  _maybe_ she felt something for Ben. So Rey decided to play it cool. "It's fine, I guess," she said with a shrug. "He's being his usual asshole self." What more could she have said?

Leia raised a brow, a gesture that was so disconcertingly like her son that it almost scared Rey. "Nothing else?" she asked slyly.

Rey shook her head, hoping to God that Leia wouldn't notice the pink spreading across her cheeks. In Rey's own opinion, she was blushing way too much nowadays. It probably had everything to do with Ben, the little prick. "We're fine. He's not been able to put together the cots yet, but they'll be up by the time the twins arrive. I hope," she said with a grimace. Leia chuckled and took a long drag from her tea. Rey followed suit, swirling the bitter taste of panic out of her mouth with the tea. 

"Rey." Leia leaned forwards, pinning Rey down with a stately stare that had no doubt caused many a man to either shit their pants in fear or run away. "Do you know how long I've been waiting for a daughter? Thirty-eight years. I've always wanted one, you know, but all I have is Ben. Not that," she quickly added, "I'm not grateful for my son. He's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. But I've always wanted a daughter, even before Ben was born. And now, I have you."

"I don't think I'm going to be your daughter any time soon," Rey told Leia with a shaky laugh. "Ben and I... we're just... friends? No, I don't think we're even friends, to be completely honest. Sometimes it even seems like he hates my fucking guts." Rey didn't notice how bitter her words sounded until they left her mouth. She clapped a hand over her mouth, just in case she wanted to say anything else that was supremely stupid. She brought her mug to her lips, taking a huge gulp of tea. Leia looked on, amused.

"My son loves you," she said, point blank. No frills or soft, gentle words. She was just going to throw Rey into the deep end. It was enough to make Rey choke on her second behemoth mouthful of tea.

"No, he doesn't," Rey sighed as she wiped her face dry with a napkin. She wished what Leia said was true. Her heart rattled in her chest as she replayed Leia's words over and over again in her mind.  _'My son loves you, my son loves you, my son loves you.'_  "He can barely stand me!"

Leia shook her head vehemently, a determined look in her eye. "Listen here, kid," she told Rey. "He pushes away the people he loves. He always has, because he doesn't think they love  _him._ He may be a fucking genius brain surgeon, but he's got the sense of a goddamned toddler when it comes to his feelings. The only way it's gonna stop hurting is if you just tell him how you feel! You goddamn youngsters, I swear! Don't you know what love looks like anymore?"

"But it's not love," Rey protested weakly. "Infatuation, maybe. Or maybe it's the hormones. But I  _can't_ love him." Her voice breaks with the last word and she feels tears pooling in her eyes, dangerously close to spilling over. 

"Why?"

_Because it'll hurt. Because they'll use me like a little puppy and then leave me when they don't need me anymore._

Her father had done it. Left before she was even born. And her mother had treated her like shit. It didn't matter that she was a child. It didn't matter that, out of everything in the world, the one thing that she had needed the most was  _love._ All Rey's mum had given her was a slap across the cheek and a kick in the ribs if Rey ever tried to do anything that had to do with  _love._ The only love her mother had known was the love of a man between her legs. And apparently, she'd passed that onto Rey.

Rey didn't deserve the type of love she wanted.

"Sweetie," Leia said softly. She cupped Rey's cheek with one hand, a motherly gesture so foreign to Rey that all she could do was sit there. "I don't know what you've been through. I don't even know what my _son's_ going through. But I know he's hurting, just like you are, and sometimes it takes two people as fucked up as each other to fix each other." She said this last part with a sad smile.

Rey was jealous for a second, jealous that Ben's mother cared about him, and he threw it away. But then it dissipated, an odd sense of calm settling over her.

"Can you take me back home?" she asked Leia. Leia just grinned.

 

* * *

 

 

"Ben?" Rey called into the empty apartment as soon as she let herself in. It was dark, all the lights except for the ones in the corridor turned off. She frowned, confused. Her pulse raced, her conversation with Leia replaying in her mind.  _Just tell him,_ she told herself.

She called out his name again, and this time she heard a reply.

"Come into the nursery," she heard him call, his voice faint. Wary, she tiptoed down the corridor, scared that even the slightest sound would break the tense spell cast over the apartment. She hesitated for a minute in front of the door. What the hell was behind it? What the hell was Ben doing? She shut her eyes tight and turned the handle.

Even when she had stepped into the room, she kept her eyes closed. She could hear Ben shuffling around the room, the fabric of his clothes rustling loudly. "You can open your eyes," he told her. Rey's eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Oh," she whispered, eyes wide. 

He'd finished the nursery. Both of the cots were built, pushed against the wall, side-to-side. Mobiles hung above them, colourful, handmade little plushies hanging from them. The 'Interstellar Conflicts' decals she'd been so adamant had been stuck to the walls, now painted a soft pastel blue. Someone had also painted on a border of flowers along the bottom of the wall, so familiar to Rey that she recognised the artist immediately. She grinned as her eyes landed on a bookshelf in the corner, stocked with a mix of brand new copies and a few well-loved, dog-eared books that had no doubt belonged to Ben. Her smile grew as her eyes returned to Ben, standing in the middle of the room with a sheepish look on his face.

"When did you have the time?" she asked him in wonderment. 

"I got Finn and Poe to help," he admitted. "And also Ro-"

"Rose, yeah, I know," she interrupted with a laugh. She pointed to the floral pattern along the bottom of the wall. "She draws those all the time at work. Says that they used to grow everywhere where she and her sister grew up."

"Oh," Ben said. "I didn't know that. I just thought they looked okay, so I let her do it." 

"And those?" she asked, pointing to the lumpy, adorable little dolls on the mobile. "Who made them?"

Ben's ears turned pink. "A bunch of guys at the hospital. Jessika said that it would give the nursery a more 'personal touch'. She convinced some of the staff to make some. Can you imagine that? "

Rey laughed, her lip quivering. "Yeah," she said softly. She imagined Jessika cornering some poor, terrified doctor in a janitor's closet. She wished she'd been there to witness it. It must've been magical.

"I was surprised, actually. I didn't expect them to get us anything. Hell, even Hux fucking made one. It's that ugly bastard over there," he said, pointing to the worst one: a bright orange monstrosity so ugly and lumpy that Rey almost pitied the kid who would have to sleep under it. But it was the thought that counted, she thought. Who knew that Hux could be a somewhat decent guy?

"Thank you," she told him. She had started crying, hot tears spilling down her face before she could stop them. Before she knew it, Ben had her in his arms, her cheek pressed against his chest and her arms wrapped around his waist. "I just... I..."

"You don't have to talk," he murmured, and she felt his chest heave with silent laughter. "I know how you feel."

Rey extricated herself from his embrace. "Do you?" she whispered, a boldness running through her veins that wasn't there before. She licked her lips and watched smugly as Ben's eyes flickered down to watch for a second. 

"I- I think I do."

Rey grinned as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down. 

When their lips met, it was like fire and lightning and stardust all wrapped into one.

And it was marvellous. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all get mad at IKEA. Ben's not alone. And IK there was a lil bitta angst in this, and im kinda sorry but also not bc character developent ish kinda. Anyway. More backstory will be angstily revealed later dont worry
> 
> ALSO I COULDN'T WAIT ANY LONGER AND NEITHER COULD THEY YOU KNEW IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN i cant do slow burn guys maybe next time lmao
> 
> And Leia is No. 1 shipper fite me i would be too if i were here like yaaaas gimme dem grandbabies


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whaddup yall im back sorry for the shitty promise i made last chapter whoops  
> umm sorry  
> i got into a motorcycle accident because im stupid and was therefore unable to move my fucking hands for 2+ months while my assorted body parts were busy healing and cursing me to the high heavens for my stupidity  
> i am stupid  
> anyway here have sum shit writing if u want idk why any of u r still here enjoy  
> wear helmets kids and also maybe dont ride motorcycles at all they dangerous bruv

Rey couldn’t remember falling asleep, but when she woke up it was in Ben’s bed, his arm thrown around her, just above her bump. Her entire body tingled giddily as she recalled last night.

Ben had kissed her.

She’d kissed Ben.

They’d kissed each other.

Rey wriggled onto her side, putting her face-to-face with him. She studied his sleeping features; his nose, strong and sharp, almost overwhelmingly so. The furrows on his brow from only Force knew how many sleepless, stress-filled nights he’d worked through before this moment. His lips, soft and plush, parted ever so slightly. She imagined kissing them again. And again. And again. She traced lines across his body with her eyes, following the muscled curve of his bicep, the pale, freckled skin of his neck. Impulsively, she pressed a soft kiss against it, breathing in his heady early-morning scent as she did so.

“Well, good morning to you, too,” Ben chuckled softly, voice rough with sleep. He pulled Rey in closer, being careful not to crush her belly.

Rey smiled against his skin, nuzzling closer into the crook of his neck. “Good morning.”

“I thought we could go out together,” Ben said. “Walk around, have a picnic or whatever.”

“But it’s a Tuesday,” Rey said, puzzled. She pulled away slightly to look at his face, but his eyes were still closed. A small, uncharacteristically mischievous smile tugged at his lips.

“So you don’t want me to stay?” he asked her. “I’m wounded.”

Rey resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Their relationship may-or-may-not-have just changed, but apparently, Ben Solo’s drama queen tendencies were forever. “Didn’t you say your job was intense? Wouldn’t your boss, like, I dunno, fire you? Kill you?”

“I’ve not taken a vacation day in five years.” Ben cracked an eye open. “I don’t think Snoke’ll mind if I decide to take a day off to spend with my girlfriend.”

Rey’s heart fluttered. “Your… girlfriend?” she asked. She felt her cheeks heating up and cursed herself for such a childish reaction.

 _The man’s already impregnated you, what the hell should this matter_?, she tried to tell herself, but it was pointless. Her heart was pounding as though she’d just been given a shot of adrenaline. Rey fiddled with the sheets for a minute, trying to calm herself down.

“I’m your girlfriend?” Rey asked again.

“Uhm.” Ben cleared his throat. “Only if you want to. I mean, I just presumed because we, y’know, we-”

“Kissed, yeah.”

“-yeah, that, I just assumed that you’d be fine with me-”

“Oh, I’m definitely fine with it.”

“-calling you my girlfriend. I mean, just tell me if you-”

“Ben.”

“-don’t want me to call you-”

“Ben.”

“-my girlfriend, because I completely understand. Just because I accidentally impreg-”

“BEN!” Rey slapped him playfully across the cheek, laughing at his flushed, bewildered face. “I’m your girlfriend,” she told him gently. “Just… chill out, alright?”

Ben nodded. Avoiding eye contact, he took Rey’s hands in his. Rey marvelled at just how much larger they were compared to hers; her fingers barely managed to graze his second knuckles, and his palm was probably twice as wide as hers was. She laced her fingers through with his.

“Thanks for not laughing,” Ben told her. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had to do… this. Labelling.”

“How long?” Rey asked.

“Four years?” Ben guessed with a shrug. “I don’t really think about it- her- anymore. She wanted to… y’know what, it doesn’t matter.” He planted a short kiss on Rey’s forehead.

“You hungry?” He slid out of bed before Rey could answer. Rey sat up as quickly as she could and watched him hurry out into the hallway.

Rey wondered who ‘she’ was. Did ‘she’ and Ben still keep in touch? What did she want? To move in together? To have a kid? To get married? The thought of it sent shivers of… something… down Rey’s spine. Thankfully, the rumbling of her stomach distracted her from them. She rolled out of her blanket cocoon, groaning as her feet hit the ground. Her lower back started to throb seemingly as soon as she stood.

Rey waddled out of Ben’s room, one hand braced against the wall for support. She could hear the sound of cereal clinking into a bowl.

“I thought you were actually gonna cook something,” Rey laughed as she pulled herself up onto a stool. “I don’t think coco puffs are the best thing for me to eat, what with my-” She pointed towards her hugely pregnant midsection. “-current condition.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not coco _pops_ I’m giving you,” Ben retorted as he slid a bowl of plain cornflakes towards her. “You’re unworthy of consuming them, regardless of whatever condition you happen to be in.”

“Shove off, you pompous dick,” Rey shot through a mouthful of cereal. She mimed throwing her spoon at him.

“Finish up,” Ben ordered, completely ignoring Rey’s previous barb, “and get dressed. We’ve got about twelve hours to burn.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben's local park was, thankfully,  _much_ nicer than the one near Niima, where Rey used to live. The grass was green, flowers bloomed, and it was occupied by young children and their mothers, as opposed to drug dealers and scavengers.

The basket Ben had packed for them earlier was almost empty, save for a couple of leftover sandwiches that even Rey couldn't finish off. The two of them sat side by side, only the tips of their fingers touching. They didn't speak, instead choosing to watch the antics of the toddlers running about in front of them. Rey laughed softly to herself as she watched a little boy dressed in the most hideous yellow overalls she'd ever seen lead his twin- identifiable by the matching piss-yellow outfits- on a wild chase, weaving under the slides and over the monkey bars. Once or twice, when it seemed like one of them was about to fall, Rey had tried to leap forward, possessed by some strange spirit of motherhood apparently intent on making her overreact to every little possibility of injury. 

"Please tell me you'll never dress our kids in matching outfits," Ben murmured as loudly as he could without being overheard by the twins' mother, who was standing only a couple of feet away. Rey only snorted in response, her answer clear.

"I'd probably prefer it if you named them Hux and... Hux Two," he said.

"'Hux Two'?" Rey asked, trying not to laugh. "How creative of you."

"I'm a neurosurgeon, not a fucking poet," Ben muttered defensively. 

Rey made a small sound of acknowledgement but did little else. She slid her hand closer towards his, fingers brushing the backs of his knuckles. He reciprocated the action by drawing little circles on her hand. It was so foreignly domestic and fluffy to Rey; her usual type of 'boyfriend' though that being sweet was willingly using a condom. Or offering her shitty instant coffee the morning after. It had never been this strange, cutesy shit. 

But she liked it anyway, despite her unfamiliarity with it.

The sound of Ben's phone buzzing angrily shook her from her rose-coloured daydream. She watched as he pulled it out of his back pocket with his free hand while tightening his hold on hers with his other hand. 

"Fuck," he muttered stormily as he read the name on the screen. "It's Snoke."

"Is it serious?" Rey asked, concerned. She put what she hoped was a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

"Yeah, it's fucking serious," Ben snapped. "Why the hell else would he be calling my mobile?"

Rey bit her tongue as Ben pulled away from her. He stood up hastily and began pacing, staring at the screen of his phone for a while before finally picking up. He spoke softly, and Rey could only catch little snippets of the conversation.

"... yes, I'm taking a personal day..."

"... just... my girlfriend..."

"... yes, sir, a couple of..."

"... my vacation days...."

".... sir, but..."

"... no, sir..."

"... one-time thing..."

"... back... tomorrow..."

"... four... of course... sir..."

Ben returned in a huff, his knuckles white. "He wants me in at four," Ben told her, voice clipped.

"But that's ridiculous!" Rey argued. Her outcry attracted the attention of three older women standing close by. She ignored them. "He can't just tell you to come in on your day off! Isn't that illegal?"

Ben dropped down onto the blanket with a heavy sigh, tossing his phone into the nearly empty picnic basket. "He can," he told her, "and he is. Even if it  _were_ illegal, he'd still be able to."

"That's wrong. That's so... Force, that's just so wrong!"

"Shush," Ben told her. He shuffled closer to her and slipped an arm around her waist. "We've got three more hours until I have to go. Can we not waste them talking about Snoke?"

Rey nodded, defeated, and rested her head against his shoulder. The easy intimacy of it surprised her; it didn't seem any odder to do than if she were with Finn, who she'd known for years at this point. "I think I'm going to assassinate him one day," Rey announced conversationally. "Snoke, that is. He sounds like a dick."

"He's not a dick," Ben said, though it lacked conviction. "He's just... Snoke. He expects me to work hard, get stuff done, do whatever the hell needs doing. It's work. I'm not supposed to  _like_ it."

That makes no sense!" Rey argued. "I  _loved_ my job- back when I still had one, of course." She dropped her gaze down to her belly, running a hand over the swell of it. "These goddamed douche-babies ruined everything for me."

"'Douche-babies'?" Ben laughed.

Rey nodded sagely. "Yes. Douche-babies. They've got an equal amount of douchiness as your boss does. They're neck-and-neck for first place."

"Okay, first of all, those are our kids you're talking about-"

"Yeah, so I can say whatever the hell I want to say about them. It's not like they can hear me right now." Rey grinned up at her disapproving boyfriend- the word still gave her tingles when she thought about it- and stuck her tongue out childishly.

" _Secondly,_ " Ben continued, "who the hell even says 'douche' anymore?"

"The French. It means 'shower'."

"Stop being such a smartass," Ben chided playfully. "I'll leave now, if you want." He made to get up, but Rey grabbed him by the edge of his shirt and anchored him to her side.

"Think again," she said, giving him a quick peck. She'd meant to kiss his cheek, but he turned his head at the last moment and her lips collided with his. She felt him smile against them before deepening the kiss, lips working against hers, teeth nipping gently at her lower lip until her stomach was turning gold-medal-worthy somersaults. Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and, emboldened by his fervor, pulled him on top of her. She was aware of the way he braced himself on his forearms to prevent him from crushing her. 

" _Mama, what's that man doing to the lady?"_

Rey and Ben broke apart, wild-eyed. Ben hastily rolled off of Rey, swearing softly under his breath as he did so. His face had turned an almost unnatural shade of crimson, something that Rey would've probably laughed at if she wasn't sure that her's was doing the exact same.

"I forgot we were in a bloody  _park_ ," she groaned, dropping her head down so that she didn't have to make eye contact with any of the mortified mothers most definitely glaring at her. 

"Maybe we should get out of here," Ben said. Rey nodded in reply, too mortified to speak.

The pair of them packed away their things at lightning speed, stuffing the picnic blanket into the basket as quickly as humanly possible. Rey tried to ignore the scrutinizing glares of the women around them, as well as the frighteningly curious ones of the kids. As soon as the patch of grass they'd occupied was clear, they rushed out of the park- well, Ben rushed; all Rey could really do was pathetically totter at snail-rate.

"You ever just... wanna die?" Rey groaned, burying her head in her hands as they slowed to a stop just outside the park. She heard Ben laugh and aimed a kick in his general vicinity. "Shut up."

"Let's just go home," Ben said. He pried her hands away from her face. Rey glared up at him, red-faced.

"This is all your fault, you know," she said as he dragged her down the street.

Ben brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it sweetly. It would've been enough to make Rey blush, if only she hadn't been scarlet already. "I'm sorry I kissed you," he apologised. He flashed her a cheeky grin. "I promise I won't do it again."

"Don't you dare say that!" Rey growled, whacking his arm as hard as she could.

"What? Should I not have said sorry?"

"You know what I mean!"

 

* * *

 

 

Ben arrived at work with his trademark scowl on his face. He hated the way his tie felt around his neck, choking and far too tight. He hated the cold, stinging scent of the hospital, his nose suddenly overly sensitive to the smell of double-duty disinfectant and the faintest hint of shitty coffee and despair. He hated the way his heart twinged every two seconds because he knew that every moment he spent here, on what was supposed to be his day off, was another moment less with Rey, and right now, it was almost impossible for him to be away from her. He wanted to _kill_ Snoke.

He pushed past at least five nurses on the way to his office, not bothering to apologise to any of them.  _What difference would it make,_ he thought petulantly to himself.  _They'll still think I'm an asshole, so what's the point?_

Ben mumbled an almost illegible "Good afternoon, Phasma," as he passed her desk on the way into his office. He didn't wait for an answer, knowing that she more than likely wouldn't even look up to answer him. He shut the door behind him and quickly plopped himself down into his chair, already worn, despite not having even done any work yet. He wasn't really planning on doing any, anyways; it was still technically one of his vacation days. Even if Snoke didn't see it that way, the administration system did. Ben quickly took out his phone, propping his feet rather unprofessionally on his desk.

He texted Rey a quick ' _How are you?'._

She texted back almost immediately. The ellipses at the bottom of the screen disappeared after only a couple of seconds.

_**Rey:** fineeee! making some guac, do you want some?_

Ben laughed; of  _course_ she was making more food, despite her having devoured almost three packs of microwave popcorn before Ben had had to leave for work. 

_**Ben:** Sure, as long as you haven't contaminated it with anything weird. I don't want jam in my guac, or whatever the hell else you could possibly put into it._

Rey took longer to reply this time. 

_**Rey:** like... easy cheese?_

_**Ben:** Yeah. Who the hell would even do that? It sounds disgusting.  
_

**_Ben:_ ** _Wait, did you put easy cheese in the guac?_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Rey?_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Rey, please tell me it's just guac. Tell me you didn't corrupt the guac with easy cheese._

 **_Rey:_ ** _I can't say that._

 **_Ben:_ ** _REY_

 **_Rey:_ ** _IM SORRY_

 **_Rey:_ ** _IT SEEMED LIKE I GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME_

 **_Ben:_ ** _YEAH, WELL THE NAIS PROBABLY THOUGHT THE HOLOCAUST WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME AS WELL_

 **_Rey:_ ** _OH COME ON U CANT COMAPPRE EASY CHEESE TO T HE NAZIS_

 **_Ben:_ ** _FAIR POINT BUUT ITS STILL DDISGUSTING_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Not to mention, what the hell could it do to the kids?_

 **_Ben:_ ** _I don't want all those preservatives fucking up their development_

 **_Rey:_ ** _google says its fine u can chill :b_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Google isn't qualified to give you medical advice, Rey_

 **_Rey:_ ** _oh, and u r??????_

 **_Rey:_ ** _o shit o wait no nope forget that fforget i said that that was dumb im dumb_

 **_Rey:_ ** _maybe it was te cheese_

_**Rey:** oh crap its the cheese ok ill stop ok cool that's great thanks ben real helpful but theres still cheese in the guac ok ill make more  
_

**_Ben:_**   _You're a mess._

 **_Rey:_ ** _but you somehow still manage to put up with me :)_

 **_Ben:_ ** _At this moment, it's debatable. I might kick you out when I get back._

 **_Rey:_ ** _k cool. now go do doctor suff pls. stop annoying the heck outta me_

 **_Ben:_ ** _Fine. See you later. Don't die._

 **_Rey:_ ** _( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

Ben set down his phone reluctantly, staring at the screen- at Rey's messages- for as long as he could. He tried concentrating on the paperwork in front of him, but kept finding his thoughts drifting back to Rey.

Last night. It was fucking amazing. He'd finally kissed her, after inexplicably wanting to for so long. He'd kissed her, and something so innocent and unassumingly sweet shouldn't have affected him like it did, but it  _did._ And for the first time in years, he was...

Happy?

No. 'Happy' wasn't right. He wasn't _just_ 'happy'. Having her next to him, hogging his blankets, using his pillow and his arm as support for her growing belly, nuzzling into him until he couldn't take it anymore and had had to shove a layer of duvet between the two of them to stop him from waking her up and kissing her senseless again. It made him blaze with feelings he couldn't quite pinpoint. 

A knock on the dook jerked him out of his daydreaming. "Come in," he said, unconsciously running a hand through his hair. 

Phasma poked her head in. She didn't look as threatening as she usually did. In fact, she looked kind of worried. But why the hell would Phasma be worried?

"Doctor Snoke's requested a meeting with you in five minutes," she told Ben.

Ah. That explained it. 

Ben gulped nervously. "Right. Thanks, Phasma."

"Good luck, Solo," Phasma said, quite out of character.

He nodded in thanks, trying to shoot her a half-friendly smile, but it probably looked more like a pained grimace. Ben stood as soon as Phasma shut the door, going into full panic mode. All the anger that had been directed at Snoke not ten minutes ago had suddenly dissipated, and it had left Ben scrambling for an excuse, any excuse, that would appease his boss. 

Another knock at the door. This time, Phasma opened it without him saying anything. "You should probably go now," she said.

"Yes, yes, of course, of course," Ben babbled, rushing past her. He practically sprinted up to Snoke's office, which was directly above his and way too close for his liking. He didn't have the time to come up with anything, and his mind was still blank. If only Snoke's office was all the way on the other side of the hospital. Or the state. Or the country. 

Or, hell, even the world.

Ben knocked hesitantly on the heavy wooden door. He heard a muffled reply through it and turned the handle. 

"Sit, Solo," Snoke ordered even before Ben had stepped into his office. Ben obliged instantly, thankful for his long legs that took him across the room in only a couple of strides. He settled himself into the chair opposite Snoke.

Snoke was a, frankly, pathetic looking old man. He sat hunched in his chair, stick-thin and drowning in a pristine white coat that only served to exaggerate this. His face was liver-spotted, deathly pale from all the time he spent in his office with the blinds shut all the way. Chunks of flesh were missing from his face, relics from his Vietnam days. His mouth was twisted into a sneer, unpleasant and telling; whatever Ben had been called in for, he wasn't getting away unscathed.

"So... a  _girlfriend_ ," Snoke spat. Ben couldn't help but flinch, something that his boss had no trouble picking up on. His sneer morphed into a smirk. "A pretty little thing, is she? Pretty enough to distract you from your work here, evidently."

"I was using one of my vacation days," Ben replied as cooly as he could. 

Snoke waved a wrinkled hand. "You are the best surgeon in this hospital," Snoke told him, a glint in his eyes. "Possibly the entire country. Men like you- like us- don't take 'vacations'. We live for our work, or we don't live at all, eh?" He laughed, a hollow sound that made Ben want to shiver.

"I doubt I'm the best in the country. Especially since I'm not exactly practising anymore," Ben said. He knew what his words would earn him, but seeing the look of shock on Snoke's face was worth it. It wasn't every day one of his subordinates talked back to him. 

"I don't allow you into the operating room for good reason," Snoke said. His voice was hard, and so were his eyes, icy blue and dissecting. Ben felt his muscles seize in fear.

"Of course, sir," Ben mumbled. He averted his eyes from Snoke's, choosing instead to look at his clasped hands resting in his lap.

"You have so much potential, Benjamin," Snoke said. "It would be a shame to see it wasted on such trivial pursuits as romance."

It took everything in Ben not to leap up and choke Snoke. "Of course, sir," he said.

"I want to know that you're fully committed to what I have planned for you," Snoke continued. "You've proven yourself to be loyal, apart from today's... hiccup. But I've no doubt you'll throw yourself into work as soon as you hear what I've got planned for you."

"What would that be, sir?" Ben asked, his gaze momentarily flickering up to Snoke. The old man stared down at him almost gleefully.

"Trial two," Snoke stated.

Ben's blood ran cold. 

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

This wasn't happening. 'Trial one' had been a disaster. The biggest disaster of Ben's life. 'Trial one' had killed his father.

"Are-is it approved by the board?" Ben asked his boss, his teacher, his torturer.

Snoke scoffed, looked at Ben as though he were a child. "Of course not," he replied. "She's got no family to speak of, and I've convinced her that it's a completely safe procedure. Nothing could go wrong." Snoke's unnatural grin widened.

"But it's against the law," Ben argued weakly. He knew he couldn't stand up to Snoke, not really. "There could be lawsuits filed against us, unlawful death, malpractice-"

"She has no family," Snoke repeated, slowly this time. "No one would be any the wiser. And we'd go down as one of the greats! Can you imagine it, Solo? With your hand and my mind, we could cure the incurable! Benjamin, think about it. If we get it right this time, you can finally prove to yourself that your father's death was not in vain!"

Ben stayed silent. He had to. His hands were clenched into fists, his blood was boiling. It was a wonder he didn't explode right there and then. His father... his father  _had_ died in vain. Han had died at  _his_ hand, because he was too weak to say no. He was too weak to refuse the offer of glory and too young and stupid to see that what Snoke had promised him was all a lie. Cure his father? He was older and wiser, and he should be able to say no, to put his foot down.

But...

"When's the surgery?" Ben asked. 

"Tonight," Snoke said. "I was going to ask you  _personally_ this morning. Think of my shock when I found out from your assistant that you'd decided to shirk your responsibilities for some pet you picked up."

 _She's not a pet,_ Ben snarled in his mind. He wanted to scream it at Snoke, but his tongue was a dead weight in his mouth.

"I'll get ready for the surgery," Ben said quietly. Snoke nodded, hands folded under his chin. He stared at his protege, gaze critical.

"You'll not fail me this time?" he asked.

Ben shook his head, even though his rational mind knew that what Snoke was asking of him was impossible. He bit his tongue like he'd done for the last ten years of his life, knowing- no,  _hoping-_ that if he just did this  _one thing_ , Snoke would finally let him go. 

"I look forward to it, Solo."

 _I bet you fucking do, you monster,_ Ben thought.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_**Ben:** Have to stay late. Emergency surgery._

**_Ben:_ ** _Sorry._

He'd sent the texts eight hours ago, at six. Rey still hadn't gone to sleep yet. She was used to her body being uncomfortable, requiring dozens of twists and turns before she finally settled into a position where she didn't absolutely want to rip her skin off, but the way her mind was jumping and somersaulting was completely foreign to her. Something in her mind seemed to scream,  _something isn't right!_

The only problem was, she had no idea what the hell wasn't right, which frustrated her. She couldn't call Rose about it, since she'd probably be asleep at this hour, nor could she call Finn and Poe, who would most definitely  _not_  be asleep but who would most definitely  _not_ want to be disturbed. Rey didn't think she wanted to disturb them anyway.

It was moments like these when she wished she made more of an effort to make friends. Having three- four now, she supposed- on rotation wasn't enough sometimes. She felt just as alone now as she had all those years ago at Plutt's house, curled up under the workshop table and hoping that no one would walk by her way. 

Rey absentmindedly stroked her stomach. It tickled, but in a good way, a calming way. It reminded her that she wasn't completely alone after all.

"Hello, babies," she murmured softly, looking down at herself. She still found it comical how much she bulged out nowadays, like someone had stuffed a beach ball under her shirt. "Are you awake?" 

One of them- or both of them- kicked up softly in response, eliciting a small chuckle from Rey, followed by a grunt as the kicking got a little more enthusiastic. 

"Calm down, there," she told the twins. "Can you do that for me? For mummy?" 

The kicks calmed down, settling to a soft but constant kind of wiggling. 

"Thanks."

Rey paused. She'd never tried talking to them before, never really seen the point. They wouldn't remember any of it, would they? But she still felt like she had to, and so she did.

"Your father's not here. It's worrying me, I think. I wouldn't really know; I've never had to worry over anyone before. I suppose that's going to have to change, eh?" Rey rested her other hand on top of her belly, right next to the other one. She drummed a light rhythm onto it with her fingers. "He's a dummy, even though he's a hoity-toity neurosurgeon. I'm a dummy, too, actually. That's how you guys were made. That's one to tell the grandkids, isn't it: we were conceived because two idiots had the bad fortune to run into each other. Well,  _more_ than just run into each other, but I think you guys are too young for The Talk.

"This is stupid, you know," she said, half to herself. "Why do I think talking to foetuses is gonna help me solve anything?" The twins pommeled at her insides viciously in protest. 

"Jesus, alright!" Rey wheezed. "God, don't tell me you're gonna grow up to be assholes like your dad. I'll have to ship you away to Antarctica or something. I don't think I can handle three of you. You're all gonna be arrested for something one day, aren't you? Public disturbance? I can see that happening. Can you imagine your mugshots? I'm going to frame them, hang them up on the wall. Ben first, obviously, and then Baby One and Baby Two. Huh. I should really pick out some names for you soon, shouldn't I? What about... uhh... uhmm... yeah, I'm blanking, you guys. I guess I'll just have to wait to talk to your dad."

Rey glanced at the clock on the bedside table. Two seventeen. She sighed. Her mind was beginning to slow, heavy with sleep despite her best efforts to stay awake until Ben came home. She didn't really know how long brain surgery took, or what happened afterwards, so it was really just a matter of her will at this point. 

Her will, apparently, wasn't strong enough. She fell asleep just as the fluorescent green numbers on the clock changed to two twenty-nine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L O O K  
> S O M E S E M B L A N C E O F A W I L D P L O T H A S E M E R G E D  
> finallyitonlytooklike40kwordslmaokillme
> 
> also, forgive the weird episodic layout bc apparently i cant do segues?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a shorter chapter than i wanted it to be but uhhh enjoy?

Going out to brunch with Finn and Poe used to be a biannual ritual, on the account of all three of them being broke and too consumed with their jobs to put any time aside to just hang out and talk and eat ridiculously overpriced eggs on toast. Now, though, with Rey confined to the house most of the time because of her massive belly, Finn finally settled in a regular job instead of his usual shift work, and Poe finally deciding to quit spending his money on useless shit he didn’t actually need, they found themselves at their usual brunch spot for the third time in just as many weeks. Rose was there too, having been invited the second week and hitting it off immediately with Finn and Poe, earning her an open invitation to any and all brunches in the foreseeable future.

Rey looked around at her friends as they laughed about nothing and everything and sipped on their mimosas without a care in the world. She played with the stem of her glass, half filled with plain orange juice, wishing she could do the same- the not caring part, not the drinking. Between the babies and Ben, she had too much to deal with for her mind to ever be at rest.

There was something wrong with Ben. He was quiet, like he had been in the beginning, eyes dark and full of conflict. He was barely home anymore, and when he was Rey honestly would’ve preferred it if he weren’t. He just locked himself in his bedroom, not hers like she secretly hoped he would, and stay in there for hours on end, only coming out to eat or go to work. It had been going on for weeks. Four weeks, ever since she’d kissed him and he’d kissed her back and they were finally, Rey thought, happy. The Ben at the park was happy. The Ben who’d suffered through an hour and a half of Masterchef Canada with her had been happy. He’d smiled and kissed her cheek, run his hand over her bump- though it was more like a mountain at that point, to be completely honest- with an adorable, awestruck look in his eyes.

What did she do wrong?

Poe must’ve said something outrageous again, because Finn and Rose both fell into hysterical bouts of laughter, fuelled by alcohol and the knowledge that they could go home and everything would be rainbows and unicorns. Neither of them spared her a glance as they wiped the tears from their eyes, shoulders still moving up and down in silent giggles, but Poe cast a concerned eye her way.

“What’s up with ya, sunshine?” he asked, running a comforting hand up her forearm.

She smiled tightly and shrugged him off. “Just some… baby blues, I suppose,” she told him. Finn and Rose had gone quiet by now, mimosas set to the side for the minute. She felt their pitying gazes on her, and suddenly, the table felt too packed. The world around her was too loud. She could hear heartbeats in her head, three of them, thumping away like jackhammers. “I think it’s something in the air. It smells-” Rey pretended to retch, covering her mouth with one hand and resting the other on her stomach. All three of her friends instantly leaped up to help, but Rey waved them back down.

“No, no, don’t get up, I’m fine,” she said, her words muffled by her hand.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Rey,” Rose told her. She gently pulled Rey to her feet. “Why don’t we go for a walk or something? Or, if you wanna go home, I could drive you.” She winked conspiratorially at Rey. “Give those two lovebirds some private time, eh?”

Rey shook her head. “I’ll just take a cab,” she said. “It’s your day off, you should enjoy it with your friends. I wouldn’t want you to have to spend it with me.”

“Oh, alright,” Rose said with a sigh. “But if you need anything, call, alright?”

“Yep. I’ll do that!” Rey lied. Her stomach twisted for real this time, though it wasn’t because of any smells. She’d never had to lie to anyone she cared about before, mainly because she’d never _had_ anyone to care about before.

It didn’t take long to hail a cab. She supposed it had something to do with her being pregnant; she’d never gotten one this fast before. She stepped in, waving through the window to Rose, who was still standing on the pavement. Rose waved back, her usual bright grin plastered on her face. She looked so happy. Rey kind of hated it.

She frowned. What the hell had she just thought? God, she felt foul. Just because Rey wasn’t happy didn’t mean she had to begrudge her friends. She could feel tears of shame prick at her eyes.

“Where d’ya wanna get to, ma’am?” the cabbie asked, pulling out onto the road. Rey mumbled an answer back, realizing too late that she’d accidentally told him her old address. She didn’t bother rectifying her mistake.

The drive was over in less than ten minutes. She’d almost forgotten how close she was to her old apartment. The familiar rundown landscape of Niima rolled by, and it took her a moment to re-accustom her eyes to the yellow-washed, grime covered buildings of the neighbourhood. She saw one of Plutt’s goons, Teedo, walking down the street, probably off to sell bad weed to teenagers or something.

The cab sputtered to a stop in front of the familiar old red-brick, somehow even more covered in graffiti than it had been the last time she’d been there. She paid the driver with a couple of crumpled up bills and got out before he could give her any change. It wasn’t _her_ money, after all, and since Ben was spending so much time stuck up his own ass to earn another boatful of the shit, she’d try her damndest to get rid of every penny he gave her.

The stench of hot garbage hit her first. Her breathing shallowed, trying not to breathe in any of the probably toxic fumes radiating from all around her.

No one had taken Rey’s spare key out from its hiding spot in the broken light fixture next to the door. She fished it out, brushing off the cobwebs that had accumulated on it. She slipped it into the lock and turned, relishing in that old, familiar grinding creak that the lock mechanics always made. Clearly, Plutt hadn’t bothered to do anything about it since she’d left, even though at least five of her neighbours had complained about it.

Rey realized too late that she’d have to climb five flights of stairs to get to her apartment. Six months ago, that wouldn’t have been a problem, but now, what with her being heavily pregnant and extremely out of shape (she didn’t think she’d used stairs since she’d moved to Ben’s place.) She made it in the end, huffing and puffing like she’d just run a marathon.

Rey knocked on the door first, just to make sure that no one had moved in in the last couple months. When no reply came, Rey took a chance and unlocked the door.

Even though the apartment was bare, most of the things she’d left behind probably sold off by Plutt, a wave of familiarity still rushed over Rey. She’d spent almost three years in this shithole, after all. There were bound to be _some_ emotions that came with trespassing into her old residence.

She traced the scratches on the wall with one finger, recalling the story behind it: Rey had just moved in, fresh out of college and with all the misguided optimism only a twenty-one year old could have. She and Finn thought it would be a good idea to try and drill some holes in the walls to hang up a couple of pictures. She didn’t know why they thought they would need them- neither of them had any family pictures, or even _families_ for that matter. Finn had borrowed a hand drill from the guy next door, and instead of letting Rey do it, he made a half-assed attempt of his own. It didn’t work. Surprisingly. The drill bit had skittered across the wall, digging a long scratch into the plaster. Plutt had charged them at least fifty dollars more than he should have, citing ‘irreversible damages’. It was fucking ridiculous, seeing as though the bathtub was completely falling apart and it took at least three tries every time to get the heater working. Good memories.

The walls seemed to press in on her, not cozy like they used to be, or like Rey had convinced herself they were. Maybe she was getting spoiled in that big bedroom at Ben’s place.

She wondered if he would kick her out after she had the twins. Maybe she’d misjudged his feelings that day. Maybe he was just tired and delirious and drunk or something. Rey wouldn’t be surprised if it all turned out to be one huge mistake. He was certainly acting like it was now, barely looking at her, never talking to her.

Would Plutt give her her old place back if she asked? The child support alone would probably be enough for her to live on, to be completely honest. Not that she ever wanted to have to take it, but if it ever came to that… Rey had always done what it took to survive. Just because she had to take care of a couple of kids alongside herself didn’t mean anything about that was going to change.

Rey’s phone buzzed, and for a second she thought it was Ben. _Hoped_ it was him.

But it wasn’t. Obviously. Instead, it was Finn.

**_Finn:_ ** _did u get home fine? Rose saw u off, didn’t she?_

**_Rey:_ ** _yeah. im fine. thanks for checking up on me :)_

**_Finn:_ ** _anything for my baby gorl_

 

* * *

 

Rey didn’t know exactly what time she got back to Ben’s, or even how she got back, but the second she walked through the door, she was ambushed.

“Where the hell have you been?” Ben yelled, his eyes wide and full of… fear? His hair was mussed. He’d probably been running his hands through it for hours. “Do you know how scared I was? I thought you were with Finn you know, but when he called, when he _asked where you were-_ ”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Rey scoffed, trying to push Ben off her. His grip tightened on her shoulders enough for it to hurt, but she was too proud to cry out. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of winning.

“What do you mean, am I kidding? Am I kidding that I care about your safety?” Ben was practically spitting at this point, he was so angry. It scared Rey, honestly. It reminded her of the men her mother used to bring home. They were always angry, always spitting and screaming. Even though she was usually in her own room, she always heard them. Rey tried to push the thoughts from her mind, focusing instead on not letting her body shake.

“You’ve ignored me for three weeks, Ben,” Rey snapped. “Three _weeks._ Did you think of anyone other than your own fucking self? Did you not realize that you have a _pregnant woman_ living in your fucking apartment? I thought we were…. Ben, I thought we had…”

“Had what?”

“I don’t know, okay Ben?! I don’t fucking know!” Rey didn’t know if she was crying or not, but from the way Ben’s gaze dropped from her eyes she knew she probably was. “You kissed me, remember? You started this whole thing! I’m not used to this! I’ve never had a boyfriend before. I don’t know how this shit works!”

“Rey, I-”

“No.” Rey slapped him. Hard. Her hand cracked against his face, forcing his head to jerk sideways. “You don’t get to make any excuses. Not now, not ever.”

“Rey, please, I swear to you-” he tried again. His hands went lax, releasing Rey from their death grip. They slid down to her torso, cradling her belly so softly Rey barely felt it. But she was still repulsed by the feel of his hands all over her. She didn’t want him to touch her, to touch their children. She pushed his hands away and she watched emotionlessly as something blinked out in Ben’s eyes.

“Don’t touch me,” Rey said coldly. “You left me alone for three weeks, and you just expect me to let you put your hands all over me, as if you _own me_?”

“You’re not alone,” Ben whispered. He was crying now too, silent tears that did nothing for Rey’s heartstrings. She was as cold and as unfeeling as a fucking statue.  Rey _was_ alone. But that was fine. She was used to being alone. She’d been alone all her life. She was used to disappointment and misery and the worst fucking luck in the world. She was stupid to think that anything ‘domestic’ could’ve worked for her. Maybe it was hereditary, her inability to settle down. Her mother had tried, Rey knew that much. It hadn’t ended well for her mother- that much she _could_ remember. Every night, she had her legs open for a different man. Wasn’t that basically what Rey had done?

"Did you hear me Rey? You. Are not. Alone," Ben repeated, desperation evident in his cracking voice. 

“Then why does it feel like I am?” Rey asked.

He didn’t have an answer. Of course he didn’t. Just another disappointment in a long line of disappointments.

“I’m going to have a shower, Ben,” Rey sighed. She brushed past him. He didn’t try to stop her. “When you come up with something I can believe, I’ll listen.

Her shower was probably longer than it needed to be. She let the hot water run over her skin, and let the sound of it hitting the tiled floor mask the sound of her sobbing. 

She stood in the shower with her head resting against the wall, trying to erase the last few weeks from her mind. It was ridiculous, Rey knew that, but it was so easy to want what she used to have. She wanted Ben again, the Ben with the smile that made her heart shatter. The Ben that fussed over her every minute of every day instead of ignoring her. She wanted what she couldn't have anymore, because out of all the things she's learned throughout her hellhole of a life, it was that good things only lasted so long.

When she was done crying her eyes out, Rey stood in front of the mirror, naked. She looked down at her body properly for the first time in ages, noting everything that had changed. Her stomach, her breasts, the stretch marks that had appeared on her hips and middle and her _arms_ , strangely. And then she thought of the man who was responsible for all this change, crying in the room outside, and immediately looked away. Wrapped a towel around her body. Left

Ben came into her room just as Rey had finished slipping on her shirt. He sat on the edge of the bed, hands fiddling in his lap as he waited for Rey to say something.

“This better be good,” Rey said, crossing her arms.

Ben nodded. His gaze kept flickering from the ground up to Rey. “It’s my job,” he began. “I’m a neurologist, a neurosurgeon.”

“Yeah, yeah, a brain doctor, I get it,” Rey interrupted. She felt kind of bad, making light of what was probably the heaviest confession she’d ever heard anyone tell her.

“Well… you know my boss? Snoke? He was a colleague back in England. We did some… studies together. Horrible studies. Barely legal, actually, but Snoke was powerful enough to make it happen, and to cover up anything if things ever went south.”

“And did they?” Rey asked. “Did they go south, I mean?”

“Yes. More often than you’d think. What we did, it was dangerous, Rey, more dangerous than you can even imagine. Snoke, he wanted to do something extraordinary. Frankly, something impossible. I followed him because I was young and foolish, and I believed every goddamned lie he fed me. I didn’t see anything wrong with it at the time. It was all in the name of the ‘greater good’.”

Rey snorted. “Ben, if anyone ever tries to justify evil things by saying it’s for the ‘greater good’, it’s probably bullshit. Even _I_ know that.”

“Yeah, well it would be great if you could travel back in time and tell twenty-year-old me that,” Ben said darkly. “I was brainwashed.”

“Then what changed?” Rey asked. She sat down cautiously next to him, making sure to leave a wide berth between them. “I mean, you obviously hate his guts now, what happened?”

Ben drew in a shuddering breath. “My father,” he said.

Rey knew she shouldn’t press. Ben was obviously traumatised, probably just as traumatised as she was by her life with her mother. But she wasn’t a kind person, and so she pressed on. “Tell me what happened,” she said.

“I killed him.”

"What now?" Rey's mind didn't string together his words for a couple of seconds. "WHAT?"

"I know," Ben sobbed, burying his head in his hands. Rey wanted to comfort him but she was frozen in place. "I fucking killed my dad, because I was too much of a fucking coward to say no to Snoke."

"He-he made you kill your dad?"

"As good as. We were working on this experimental procedure. For Alzheimer's. We had the theory, we'd planned the procedure and everything. Snoke wanted to go forward with it.  _I_ didn't think it would work, shockingly. You'd have thought that I was completely up his ass by that point, but it was  _that crazy._ Even I thought so."

"Then why'd you do it?" Rey was trying to understand. She really was. But she couldn't. Ben had killed his father- murder was a strong word for what he did, and it scared Rey that she could even think that. She should be running away right now, but she couldn't. She couldn't leave him.

"I- I was proud. I wanted to prove to dad that I could save him, that Snoke wasn't the biggest mistake of my life. So, because I told him to, he signed the waivers, the contracts, everything that Snoke and his cronies told him to, and he put his life in my hands. He died because of me. I knew it was impossible. I knew you couldn't fix what he had with a fucking surgery. I blamed him for a long time, you know. Dad.  _If only he hadn't signed all those papers, if only he knew that it was basically suicide,_ that's how I justified what I did. It was  _his_ fault. Not mine. Not Snoke's.  _His_ fault for wanting to bring his son back. And I couldn't get out after that, because Snoke could ruin me. Malpractice. Murder. Anything he wanted, he could pin on me. He's a powerful man, Rey. I couldn't fight him even if I wanted to. I've been with him for, what, almost seventeen years now? Yeah, I think that's it. Nearly half my life. And I've spent over a decade hating that... that  _monster._  He made me a murderer."

They sat in silence, the air still tense with Ben's confession. Rey knew she should probably run. Call the police. Call Finn. Get out of the house, go anywhere but here. But she stayed glued to the bed, watching the tears drip down Ben's nose, landing inside his cupped hands. She edged closer. How could she be mad at him, this broken man with a hundred regrets locked away beneath a facade of arrogance and indifference? Rey knew she couldn't fix him, not even if she sold her soul to do it. But she could help. Because she loved him.

She loved the idiot. And, cautiously, in the hope that he might love her back someday, she wrapped her arms around his chest and drew his head down to the crook of her neck. His body shook, wracked with pain. Rey could feel her shoulder getting wet, soaking up his tears in the same way she wanted to soak up all his sadness. 

 _I think I love you,_ she thought as she looked down at his messy black hair. She ran a hand over it, delighting in the way it tickled her palm. She could get used to doing this, honestly. Every day, for the rest of her life.  _I know you're not perfect, but neither am I. Somehow, I don't care that you killed your father. You didn't kill him though, not really. You just didn't know any better. And I know I shouldn't be making excuses for you, especially since I told_ you  _not to make any. And you aren't forgiven for those three weeks, not just yet. But you'll have a lifetime to make up for it, I hope. If you'll have me._

That was everything Rey wanted to say. But it was too soon. Too much. So instead, she said, "You're not alone."

And Ben, sweet Ben. Sweet, broken Ben, looked up at her and replied, "Neither are you."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's long past time that I thanked every single one of you properly. If you've been here since the beginning, and you're still here now, thank you. If you've just started reading the trainwreck that is this fic, thank you for reading something that I wrote. Thank you for loving it as much as I love writing it. Thank you for all the kudos and the comments that make my day, and the way you put up with my ridiculously long hiatuses. I'm probably being really fucking sentimental right now, but what the fuck. You're all the fucking bomb, seriously. I couldn't have asked for sweeter readers.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I PROMISE that I'll have another one out soon.


End file.
